Title - Have You EverAuthor - Marianne (Agent Dubie)
E-Mail address - dubie910@hotmail.com (come on, give a shout out!)
Rating - PG
Category - It's a story, but sorta a vignette, major romance and major
angst!
Spoilers - FTF, The BeginningKeywords - MSR
Summary - That song keeps popping up and forces Mulder and Scully to
address their feelings for each other.
Disclaimer - Mulder and Scully belong to a hole assload of people
including Davie and Gillie, Chris "the closet boy" Carter, the bastards
at Fox and 1013. Don't sure me cuz you know I don't have a thing and
furthermoe, I don't hurt them much and I only had them for a short time.
So whatever, I don't know why they'd be mad anyway. Major Props to
Brandy and her record label for a great song. It's soooooo cute! Later!
And on with the show....
*************
Have You Ever
*************
Dana Scully sighed as she set her briefcase down on the kitchen
table. She tossed her keys next to it. Another long day had just passed
before her eyes. She was getting adjusted to work again. She had only
been off for two weeks, but her life had changed so much. She and Mulder
no longer had the X-files, but they had each other.
Actually, she didn't know if she even had him. He was beginning to
drift away. The frustration of the whole situation was taking a toll on
their relationship. She refused to abandon everything she had become
over the past six years and Mulder didn't accept that. It was more like
he refused to accept that.
He had just saved her from oblivion and now… Now it was like he
just didn't care. He was the reason she stayed. She couldn't leave him.
Not after his little speech. She left him and he ran after her. He told
her he needed her. He told her she made him a whole person. He had
almost kissed her. And she had wanted him too.
Scully let out a frustrated groan as she took off her shoes and
plopped down on the couch. She tried to shake the thoughts of Mulder in
his hallway and what had almost happened. She tried to concentrate on
the work ahead of them. It was no use. He was in her head. He had
infected her with his Mulder charm and good looks. He was now a part of
her. A very intricate part. She needed him, although she refused to
believe it.
The stereo's remote control sat on the coffee table directly with in
reach. She needed something to take her mind of Mulder and the
television remote was just out of reach. She hit the power button and
closed her eyes as the melodies drifted into her ears. The background
noise of the radio was helping.
"Well, to all you romantics out there just like me, I got a hot one
for you. It's a KCOW exclusive. That's right. Check it out. It's Brandy
with "Have You Ever" on 96.7 KCOW," the radio guy announced
enthusiastically. Scully, however was not as thrilled. She didn't
normally listen to pop music, but it would be over soon and she was too
tired to reach for the remote. She just closed her eyes and let the
young singer's voice fill her mind.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
Scully groaned. A love song was not exactly what she needed right
then. But again, fatigue took over and she didn't care.
"Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start"
Her senses awoke as she comprehended the words.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
Mulder appeared in her mind. The whole hallway scene replayed in
her head like a busted tape. It was hazy and detached. She watched
herself cry in his arms and reach up to kiss his forehead.
"Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
You'd do anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care"
She remembered the way his eyes sparkled. She could see her
confused reflection in them.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
His shown of some kind of deep feeling that dared to poke at the
surface. Wanting, needing, loving, all were spoken through the look in
his eyes.
"What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep"
She thought back to how her breath caught in her throat and she was
rendered powerless against his magnetic force. He pulled her in slowly,
as if giving her time to back out now. She went willingly towards the
inevitable. This time was right. He had told how he felt, short of
saying those three little words.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
She had felt his warm breath against her cheek. Her eyes closed
involuntarily and her lips parted slightly, as if inviting him in.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
His lips touched hers momentarily and a soft electrical current ran
through her body. Scully sighed as the memory faded away. Like that it
was over. No closure, no kiss, nothing. Just a bee on the back of her
neck and then snow.
The had never discussed what almost happened or how bad she wanted
it. He had gone to Antarctica to save her. With it his faith had been
reborn. She had pushed him away by saying she couldn't believe it if it
went against concrete science. He had left willingly. Like she had
betrayed him. Their trust was gone.
She loved him. She knew she loved him. She had forever. But he
didn't love her. They were just friends, just partners. The emotion in the
hallway stemmed from the frustration of their current situation. It was
nothing more. Why couldn't it be more? Why couldn't she have him? Why
didn't he love her? Why not?
Scully wiped the corners of her eyes with the back of her hand and
sniffed to hold back the threatening stream.
*******************
Fox Mulder threw his briefcase in the general direction of his
desk. He took off his jacket and did the same. He sighed as he looked
around his messy apartment. Another stress filled day at the FBI had
just unfolded. It seemed as if it was him and Scully against the world.
He didn't know if she still wanted to take on the challenge with
him. She said she did, but he wasn't that convinced. He had pushed her
away. He didn't mean to, but everything that was happening in his life
was all wrong, except for her. She was all he needed and he was pushing
her away. She frustrated him by not admitting what she saw. The truth
was that he didn't care about that. He was only concerned with the fact
that she was alive.
He had saved her. He had traveled to Antarctica because he couldn't
bear the thought of life without her. She meant everything to him. He
couldn't go on living without her. He needed her more than anything on
this earth. He would die so that she could see just one more day. He
would do anything for her.
But now, it was apparent that she didn't feel the same way. She had
let him almost kiss her, but she never told him how she felt. She didn't
love him. They were just friends, just partners. Nothing more. Nothing
could every come from that time in the hallway. She had tried to leave
him and he had ran after her.
Mulder shook his head to remove Scully's image, but it was useless.
Cleaning would help. When in doubt, clean. Mulder looked around his
apartment. Definitely cleaning. He hit the power button on his stereo
for background noise.
"Well, to all you romantics out there just like me, I got a hot one
for you. It's a KCOW exclusive. That's right. Check it out. It's Brandy
with "Have You Ever" on 96.7 KCOW," the radio guy announced
enthusiastically. Mulder just groaned in protest. He disliked anything
romantic. It was not what he needed right now. He was too far into his
pile of clothes to change the station. Plus, it would be over soon.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
The words caught Mulder's attention and he stopped momentarily on
his way down to the washing machine. He stood in the entryway, just
listening.
"Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start"
His thoughts drifted back to his partner.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
He began to watch the scene in his hallway unfold once again. He
saw himself run out of the door after her. He admitted how much he
needed her. How she made him a whole person. How he couldn't go on
without her. She said nothing, just fell into his arms. He held her
tightly until she pulled back and kissed his forehead.
"Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
You'd do anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care"
He had pulled away slightly to look into her shinning blue eyes.
Tears slowly erupted from the brim as she fought to say something.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
Her eyes shown of a mix of many different emotions. He could see
his own tender reflection in her entrancing blue eyes. The tears
sparkled from the dim light.
"What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep"
He slowly leaned in. He knew the time was right. He gave her the
chance to pull away, but she didn't. He was caught in the moment. He was
so close to telling her what his heart needed to. He didn't want to miss
his chance.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
He was no longer in control. His heart leaded his towards what it
wanted most. His eyes closed and he held his breath.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
All he felt was her soft lips graze his with a shock wave of
emotion. Then it was over. The bee, the bullet, the snow. It was never
to be brought up again. It was a forbidden path.
Mulder sighed as the song ended and the image of Scully was left in
his mind. He could only think of how much he needed her. How much he
wanted her. How much he loved her. A knot formed in the pit of his
stomach.
Why hadn't he told her? He needed so bad to tell her how much he
loved her. It was tearing him apart. He couldn't do it now. She didn't
love him. She didn't want him. She was just his partner, just his
friend. They could never be.
Mulder sighed again and headed down to the laundry room as a single
tear escaped from behind his stone wall.
*****************
Scully sat up and turned on the television. Thoughts of Mulder
nagged at her heart as she flipped through the channels. News, news,
bombings, killings, news, basketball, news, news, stupid 80's movie,
news, news.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry"
The familiar words flowed out of the television, along with the
image of a young woman singing to the camera. "Why did I even flip past
BET?" Scully asked. She kept pressing the button. Spanish, cooking,
shopping, news, news, French, news.
"Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night"
The melody traveled once again out of the television. "MTV, it
totally figures," Scully muttered loudly. News, rugby, Japanese,
cooking, cooking, shopping, sitcom, sitcom, Xena, sports news.
"Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
The song came over the television once more. Brandy sang her heart
out, while Scully sat in disgust. "God, even VH1? I get it already," she
grumbled with clear annoyance.
She turned it off and flung the remote. She got up and journeyed to
her bedroom, where she changed and settled down for a long night of
restlessness and dreams of Mulder.
****************
Mulder put down his laundry and turned on the television. The
cleaning wasn't affective enough. He flipped through the channels
quickly. News, news, sitcom, sitcom, news, scandal, Hard Copy, news,
news.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry"
The recently heard melody drifted out of a new set of speakers.
Brandy sang with her heart to the television audience. "Only BET,"
Mulder said sarcastically. He proceeded though the channels. News,
Spanish, cooking, shopping, shopping, cooking, news.
"Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night"
The song filled the room again. "Oh this is hilarious. I thought
MTV was trendy, but this is it," Mulder concluded. He flipped again.
News, sitcom, sitcom, really stupid sitcom, news, news.
"Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
Mulder turned off the television in disgust, "This is ridiculous. I
never thought VH1 would play it too."
Mulder stretched out on his couch and let his mind wander with
thoughts of his one and only true love.
********************
Scully fished her car keys out of her briefcase and unlocked the
door. Another day gone by. A day filled with resentment. She couldn't
take much more of this. She turned on the car and headed out of the
parking garage.
She sighed as she looked back on today's little confrontation.
Mulder had left early, claiming that he had a doctor's appointment. She
had muttered some sarcastic comment that pushed his buttons. She knew it
was a bad thing to do, but she couldn't hold it back. The whole thing
turned into a fight and he just glared at her as he left.
She didn't understand how she could love him so much without
anything in return. "Why do I do this to myself? How come I love him so
much? Why do I need him so bad? Why can't I just tell him how I feel?"
Scully mumbled to herself.
Scully sighed and turned on the radio. She silently prayed that the
damn song wouldn't come on. She didn't need her anthem played at this
particular moment. She had spent many nights alone in her bed with tears
in her eyes. She wished he would just love her back. She needed him
close to her. He was her one and only. Her soulmate. The only one she
could ever love.
"Hey to all of you stuck in traffic. I gotta little something here
to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It's my favorite song at the
moment, but isn't it everybody's? This one's from a foxy guy named Moose
to his G-woman Squirrel. Isn't that cute? They have little pet names.
Anyways, here's Brandy with "Have You Ever" on KCOW," the girl on the
radio introduced. Scully couldn't help but smile at someone else's good
fortune. She wished Mulder would one day request a love song for his own
little squirrel.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
She pulled up to her apartment after the first verse. That's all
she could take. That song was tearing apart her insides slowly and
painfully. She wouldn't mind it so much if Brandy wasn't talking about
her life. She grabbed her briefcase and made the trek to her front door.
Scully frowned as she unlocked the door. She could hear the radio
in her apartment. She opened the door and flicked on the lights.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever"
"Hello," a voice startled her as she set down her coat and
briefcase.
She froze as the man stepped forward. "Mulder, what are you doing
here?"
"Scully, we need to talk," he said simply.
Scully could only nod in agreement. She had no idea what Mulder was
doing in her apartment waiting for her after their fight.
"I can't do this anymore. I can't go on like this. The arguments
tear me apart," he continued.
Scully stood still listening to his soft tone. They were standing
fifteen feet apart, but it seemed like they were on two different banks
of the same river.
"This needs to happen. It's been time. It's now or never. I, uh,"
Mulder took a deep breath and scratched his head. "I've never needed
anyone as much as I need you. I can't stand the thought of losing you,"
he paused again. "There's a part of me missing. I can't do this alone. I
refuse to do this alone. You are all I have. I've tried to tell you this
for a long time. All my nights are filled with thoughts of you. I've
found my one Dana and you're her. All I want to do is hold you in my
arms and never let you go. I can't live without you. You make me whole.
You hold that piece of my heart that I've been without for so long." His
breath caught in his throat as he watched her lower lip start to
tremble. He fought against the wave of emotion sweeping over him and
whispered, "I love you. I love you so much. I…"
"I know," she replied quietly. "I know. I've know. You are my best
friend. You are the only person I can imagine myself with. Somewhere
along the way something happened. Some realization came. Like a light
switch. Everything became clear. I tried so hard to rationalize it. I
told myself it was nothing, just a bi-product of our closeness. But I
was wrong. One minute you were just my partner and the next, you were my
Mulder. It all changed. One day I looked at you and just knew. I knew
that I was in love with you."
A small smile crossed his face as they rushed towards each other.
She accepted his embrace and cried softly into his shoulder. He kissed
the top of her head and stroked her hair. She pulled back and he brushed
away the remaining tears as she smiled, "I've needed to tell you that
for six years. I've needed you so bad that I can't sleep at night. You
are every thing I've ever wanted in my life. You are my missing link.
You are my everything. I love you more than life itself."
Scully looked up and whipped away the tear that made it's way down
Mulder's cheek. He smiled and pulled her to him again. "Don't ever leave
me," he whispered into her hair.
"I won't," she answered. He lifted her chin to meet his gaze. He
leaned in as if asking permission to kiss her and she closed her eyes
and tilted her head in response. All of the fear was gone. There was no
hesitation and nothing to hold them back. Nothing had been left unsaid.
Warmth surrounded his heart as he finally felt her soft lips on his in a
tender kiss. Electricity ran through her body as she realized that this
was all real. He ran his tongue slowly over her lower lip and she slowly
granted him entrance. Happiness raced over her as their tongues met
somewhere in the middle. This was all she ever wanted in life. He
realized that he could never love anyone as much as he loved her. They
had a new memory to share. Two halves of a whole were now complete.
*********
The End
*********
Major Mush I know. I should have warned you, but hey, what can you do?
That song is now forever in my head. I listen to it the entire time I
wrote this for inspiration. Thanks for reading and please tell me what
you think:
dubie910@hotmail.com
BYE!!!!