This guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have 3 girls coming over tonight. I never had 3 girls at once, I need something to keep me horny, keep me potent." So the pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small black cardboard box marked with an "X" and says, "Here, if you eat this you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!" The guy says "gimmee 3 boxes".
Same guy walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's organ is black & blue, the skin's hanging off in places. The man says, "Gimmee a bottle of Deep Heat." To which the pharmacist replies "Deep Heat? You're not going to put DEEP HEAT on that are you?" The guy says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up".

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple meet and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks the Earthling.
"Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.
The female Earthling and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weeny member--about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," says the woman.
"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.
"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow...."
"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaims as they fall into bed and make mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.
As they walk along, the Earth male asks, "Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it," she says, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"
"It was OK," he replies, "but a little weird. The whole time she was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

There were three prostitutes living together, a mother, daughter and grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down.

"How did you get on tonight Dear?" asked her mother.

"Not too good," replied the daughter. "I only got $20 for a blow job."

"Wow!" said the mother, "In my day we gave a blow job for 50 cents!"

"Good God!" said the Grandmother. "In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.

No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, slightly easier on the eye. "Screw me hard, or climb the ladder to success," she said. "Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."

On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was actually quite desirable. "Screw me now or climb the ladder to success" she said. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went.

On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Love me hard and long or climb the ladder to success" she flirted.

Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.

"Who are you?" the man asked.

"Hello," the ugly fat man said. "My name's Cess!"

A man has been going out with this chick for 2 years, and he has never touched her in his life. One night she gets really pissed off with this (cos she's a bit of a randy mare at the best of times) and says to him, "Why haven't you ever shagged me? We've been going out for 2 years now and all you have done is kissed me and touched my tits!!"

He looks scared and replies, "Well, when I was 6 my mum told me that a girl's fanny had teeth and would bite my dick off if it came near"

She laughed like a drain and led him into the room, pulled up her skirt and showed him her eager beaver.

"See", she said, "it doesn't have any teeth!!!"

"Well", he replied, "I'm not fucking surprised with gums like that!"

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