The Drunken Extra

He's mostly just a bumbling fool, but he has his moments. Often times, he is given a quick cameo role on a story. For example:

Then I saw a man staring blankly at three doors. He swayed on his feet, and, even at twenty paces, he reeked of Drambui and beer. He opened one door, stepped in, and closed it behind him. I heard him shout, "Yes! I got the right door!" I continued on.

Now, for your pure entertainment pleasure, a story on the Drunken Extra!

The Drunken Extra is a man like any other. He was born and grew up much
in the fashion that you or I would, one day he decided to audition for a
part in a movie, The name of this movie is irrelevant. What's important is
what happened next.... As payment (he was cast as an extra) he was given
$20 bucks, and a bottle of Jim Beam... After downing the bottle in 15
minutes, he blew the 20 on another bottle, this too was drank in record
time. By this time, the extra was well past intoxicated. He was shit
faced drunk, so, being drunk, he wobbled around the set knocking things
over and wreaking every sort of havok a drunk man can... When the time
for his lines came, (he was supposed to walk through a door and say
"pizza's here", yeah thats all.) He instead yelled out, "THERES THREE
DOORS!!!" and proceeded to have what is called a coniption fit... But all
was not lost for he found the right door, and once he was through, spun
and again screamed "THERE ARE THREE MORE DOORS!!! YOU SICK BASTARDS!!! WHAT
ARE YOU DOING TO ME????? THIS ISN"T FUNNY!!" But, being drunk, no one
understood what he was saying, so they just laughed at his antics. But
the Drunken Extra was not as drunk as assumed, he saw the people
laughing at him and vowed revenge on every one of the sick bastards that
laughed at his plight. He stagared home and got his gun a rusty,
decaying POS, (peice of shit in laymans terms) and wobbled back to the
set...
The scene was running smoothly, the hero was about to save the girl when
the first shot rang out... Everyone froze in terror, it was the drunken
extra, even more drunk, and pissed off. The hero was dead, the girl died
next. Screams echoed throught the set. The Drunken Extra was now nothing
more than a Drunken machine of vengance. When the gun emptied the entire
cast (at least the famous ones) were dead... Blood every where. But he
was not done, he locked the survivors in the sound stage and  stagared
down to the liquor store on the corner, Chris Russell, the stock boy,
recalled the incident. "He came in and bought 3 bottles of DRAMBOOI, 3
bottles of Jack Daniel's and a case of COORS, I didn't think any one
could drink that much alcohol and retain conciousness. But after he had
drained all the bottles he went to the sporting good stor next door, and
bought a shot gun. The last I saw of him he was swaying toward the movie
set... About 30 minutes later I heard a bunch of gun shots so I called
the cops."
The blood bath was captured on tape, the director never got the chance
to say cut, he was shot first upon the Extras return. The Drunken Extra
is still at large. he is extremly dangerous, and should not be laughed
at, stared at, looked at, talked to, pointed at, or mocked. He is highly
unstable, and heavily armed. Do not try to capture him. Call the police,
and lock all doors and liquor cabnets.

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page