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There, I’ve said it. It has taken me a long time to realise and admit that I have a problem, but at last I have managed it.
I first started "using" computers at school, when I was 16. They had just bought a new computer and started teaching people how to "use" it. Imagine, having computers for free and being taught how to "use" them! Anyway, I started small, with a Research Machines 380Z using CP/M and BASIC, and started to learn how to program. At first it was only during lessons, then I started "using" the computer during lunch times then after school. After all, what harm could it do, it was only CP/M and BASIC, very soft stuff, not like I was into HardWare.
After school, I continued to "use" computers at University. These were SuperBrains and used DOS. This was a step up from CP/M but I thought I could handle it. I spent more and more time on Projects "using" the computers, until I was spending 2 or 3 evenings a week "using" them. I even carried on "using" after the computer course had finished, in my spare time, using Pascal.
After University I didn’t have enough money to get a computer of my own so I used other people’s computers when I got the chance. I enrolled on courses in order to "use" computers and to learn more about them. I gradually moved onto harder and harder things, COBOL, dBASE, Spreadsheets. It became an obsession until I managed to get a job which involved using a computer every day. Now, I could keep things under control by "using" the computer at work and not at home. After all, everyone "used" computers at work and many people "used" them at home. Casual use could not do any harm, could it? Unfortunately, I lived with another "user" who had his own computer and I managed to "use" his when he wasn’t there.
Things had become desperate. I changed jobs and found a job which used computers even more. This job changed and advanced so that I had to "use" computers more and more. I started staying late after work to "use" the computer. I found reasons to "use" the computer in different ways. I used DOS, Windows and dBase, then I moved onto the Hard Stuff - UNIX.
This was a turning point, for as soon as I had "used" UNIX, I knew I had a problem. After all, nothing could be this difficult yet rewarding. I found myself trying to learn to "use" it more and more, in different ways. I moved onto Progress and even started "using" other things - Lotus and Excel, not only for normal use, but also for "programming".
I realised just how serious my problem was when I found out that I was reading Computer Magazines and finding them interesting. People would ask me things about computers and I would know the answer. Sometimes, they would tell me the most tedious and boring things and I would find them interesting. I would even tell them boring and tedious things back. I could watch Computer Programmes on the TV and understand what they were saying.
Once I realised that I may have a problem, I looked at my life to see the effects. I used to think that my total lack of social skills, no dress sense and absence of any kind of a social life were just things that happened to people. It was only after I realised I had a problem that I recognised that I was prone to such things. My utter lack of social skills were not caused by my "using" computers but meant that I would be more likely to "use" computers seriously than other people. Fortunately I did not have an anorak, so I was spared that final indignity.
Once I knew this, I tried to change. However, it is difficult. The people I work with are also "users". I have surrounded myself with co-dependants and people like me. People who talk about computers after work, who go out for a drink, in a vain attempt to pretend to have a social life, and sit there talking about computers. Every day, I am forced to "use" computers and to "use" them more and more. All my friends use computers, my job involves computers, everything I do uses computers. I can’t escape.
Here in Moscow it is worse as I am forced to "use" computers to keep in touch with the people I know.
It is a vicious circle and I am trapped.
That is why I have finally decided to ask for help from "Teckies Anonymous" and is why I am here at this meeting.
It has been 5 hours since I last used a computer. I don’t know how long I can last without help.
"Simon"