These posts were originally put up on the ORB message board.  I cannot encompass my own feelings in a few words, let alone do justice to what others must be feeling.  So I decided to re-post these here as a snapshot in time

Posted Sept 11

From London…

I first heard at the afternoon break.  My boss told me, and I seriously thought he was winding me up until he managed to log into the FT news site and I saw the first picture.  I think we all: students and tutors, went through the afternoon and evening classes in a daze.

During the day parts of London were evacuated.  By the time I headed home from work at about 8 pm the busses were no longer diverting around the city.  But, at a time when they would normally be fairly busy, they were nearly empty.  The streets seemed darker than usual.  I think many businesses closed early.  I hear that tube links from the airports will be staying open all night to transport people from transatlantic planes that have been turned back, and candlelight vigils are being held.

This is all minor.  I just wanted to say that this doesn’t just affect America.  This goes beyond national borders.  This is all of us against terrorism, not one country against another.

Wednesday morning all the normal faces were on the bus.  All grim faced and red-eyed.  I don’t think I was the only one close to crying.  On Bishopsgate the bus slowed to a stop and I glanced out of the window to find myself just a few feet from a big black ugly machine gun/ assault rifle (I don’t know what it was: just I don’t feel comfortable seeing it on the streets)  Armed police were watching the road into the City.

Stories:  a Muslim school was kept closed because of threats.  As the toll of British dead rose, it was announced as the worst terrorist attack for Britain.  A New York fireman stranded in London was taken in and given a bunk by a London fire station, so that he could at least be with his ‘brothers’ here.

Friday morning it was up to me to call the start of the 3 minutes silence for my group of students.  It was a very hard few minutes, and I did cry a little.  I looked out on Oxford Street.  It was nearly empty.  Afterwards we all staggered out to break.  I headed to the nearest café for a treat, finding it full of students.  On the radio they were playing Robbie William’s ‘Angels’.

I really enjoyed the day’s teaching.  We teach crash courses, and the group that day was responsive and rewarding.  I decided to walk home.  It’s about 5 miles, but the congestion at rush hour is so bad that it’s not uncommon for the bus to be slower.  On the way there’s a photographic firm.  They have a display in their windows of amazing photos, mostly great shots of celebrities.  Usually every time I go past just one has been changed.  Last night I nearly walked past, then realised every one had been replaced with shots of New York.  And all the shots were as brilliant as ever.  Shots of the buildings (a spire of wreckage writhed in smoke, the blossom of the explosions), and of the firemen.  I looked at them stunned

I find myself thinking about what I would have done if I’d been there.  Making survival plans.  I remember seeing controlled demolitions of tower blocks: among the most amazing, incredible things I have seen in my life.  I remember feeling the ground shake, the dust cloud: clearing to reveal an empty patch of sky.  And I wonder if that really gives me any appreciation of what it would have been like to see a block 5 times as high come down in such circumstances.

This morning I played ‘Angels’ and really cried for the first time.

I just saw on the news: a British fireman with relatives on the New York force.  His relatives are fine, but one of them told him that he looked at the list of firemen dead, and recognised 90 names.  Meanwhile people are queuing for hours to sign the books of condolence at the US Embassy.

As for the future:  I’m scared.  I’m living in a potential target.  I also have relatives in Israel.  I hope that the States will see this not just as an excuse to crack down on enemies, but also as a chance to make some of those enemies into friends.  The fact that Libya has expressed support is an amazingly positive thing.  But it could easily all get much worse.

I want to look towards the future.  But I felt the need to bear witness to this first.