Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

#1 : Once you have their money ... you never give it back

#2: You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try

#3: Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to

#4: A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen

#5: If you can't break a contract, bend it

#6: Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity

#7: Keep your ears open

#8: Small print leads to large risk

#9: Opportunity plus instinct equals profit

#10: Greed is eternal

#11: Latinum isn't the only thing that shines

#12: Anything worth selling is worth selling twice

#13: Anything worth doing is worth doing for money

#14: Anything stolen is pure profit

#15: Acting stupid is often smart

#16: A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along

#17: A contract is a contract is a contract ... but only between Ferengi

#18: A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all

#19: Satisfaction is not guaranteed

#20: When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat

#21 Never place friendship above profit

#22: A wise man can hear profit in the wind

#23: Money can never replace dignity

#24: Money can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.

#25: There's always a way out

#26: As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer

#27: There's nothing more dangerous than an honest buisinessman

#28: Whisper your way to success

#29: What's in it for me?

#30: Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money

#31: Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother ... insult something he cares about instead

#32: Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects

#33: It never hurts to suck up to the boss

#34: Peace is good for business

#35: War is good for business

#37: Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own

#39: Friendship is temporary; profit is forever

#40: She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum

#41: Profit is it's own reward

#42: What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too

#43: Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon

#44: Never confuse wisdom with luck

#45: Ambition knows no family

#46: Make your shop easy to find

#47: Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own

#48: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife

#49: Everything is worth something to someone

#50: Gratitude can bring on generosity

#52: Never ask when you can take

#57: Good customers are as rare as latinum; treasure them

#58: There is no substitute for success

#59: Fee advice is seldom cheap

#60: Keep your lies consistent

#61: Never buy what can be stolen

#62: The riskier the road, the greater the profit

#65: Win or lose there's always Huyperian beetle snuff

#68: Ear stroking will get you anything

#69: Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other reaces

#70: Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise

#72: Never trust your customers

#73: If it gets you profit, sell your own mother

#74: Knowledge equals profit

#75: Home is where the heart is ... but the stars are made of latinum

#76: Every once in a while declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies

#77: It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit

#78: When the going gets tough, the tough change the rules

#79: Beware the Vulcan greed for knowledge

#82: The flimsier the product, the higher the price

#84: A friend is not a friend if he asks for discount

#85: Never let the competition know what you're thinking

#87: A friend in need means three times the profit

#89: Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits

#92: There are many paths to profit

#93: Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly

#94: Females and finaces don't mix

#95: Expand ... or die

#96: For every rule, there is an equal and opposite rule. (except when there's not)

#97: Enough ... is never enough

#98: Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly

#99: Trust is the biggest liability of all

#101: The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it

#102: Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever

#103: Sleep can interfere with opportunity

#104: Faith moves mountains ... of inventory

#105: Don't trust anyone who trusts you

#106: There is no honour in poverty

#107: A warranty is valid only if they can find you

#109: Dignity and the empty sack is worth the sack

#111: Treat people in debt like your family: exploit them

#112: Never have sex with the bosses sister

#113: Always have sex with the boss

#115: The best contract always has a lot of fine print

#116: There's always a catch

#117: You can't free a fish from water

#119: Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet

#121: Everything is for sale, even friendship

#123: Even a blind man can recognise the glow of latinum

#125: Count it

#126: You can't make a deal if you're dead

#127: Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides

#135: Never trust a beneficiary

#139: Wives serve, brothers inherit

#141: Only fools pay retail

#142: There's no such thing as an unfair advantage

#143: Risk is part of the game-play it for all it's worth

#144: There's nothing wrong with charity .. as long as it winds up in your pocket

#146: Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is it's father

#152: A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know

#153: Sell the sizzle, not the steak

#162: Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit

#169: Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive

#171: Blood is thicker than water, and Latinum is thicker than both

#172: If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it

#177: Know your enemies ... but do business with them always

#181: Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit

#188: A fool and his money is the best customer

#189: Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money

#190: Hear all, trust nothing

#191: A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves

#192: Never cheat a Klingon .. unless you're sure you can get away with it

#194: It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door

#200: If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable

#202: The justification of profit is profit

#203: New customers are like razor-toothes gree worms; they can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back

#204: It takes a ferengi to cheat a Ferengi

#208: Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer

#211: Employees are the rungs on the ladder to success. Don't hesitate to step on them.

#212: Never give away for free what can be sold

#214: Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach

#216: Never gamble with an empath

#217: You can't free a fish from water. OR Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much

#218: Always know what you're buying

#219: Possession is eleven-tenths of the law

#223: Beware of the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox

#229: Latinum lasts longer than lust

#231: There's a sucker born evey minute... be sure you're the first to find each one

#236: You can't buy fate

#239: Never be afraid to mislabel a product

#241: Never trust a hardworking employee

#242: More is good ... all is better

#253: Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse

#255: A wife is a luxury ... smart accountant a necessity

#256: Accountants do not play the game, they only keep the score

#260: Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit??

#261: A wealthy man can afford anything except a concience

#262: A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on

#263: Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum

#265: The customer is always right ... until you get their cash

#266: When in doubt, lie

#267: If you believe it, they believe it

#270: In business deals a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator

#277: Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from

#284: Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi

#285: No good deed ever goes unpunished

Revised Rules

#1: If they want their money back, give it to them.

#10: Greed is dead.

#21: Never place profit before friendship.

#22: Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever.

#23: Money can never replace dignity.

#65: Huyperian beetle snuff may be fun for you and me, but it's no fun for the beetles.

#285: A good deed is it's own reward.

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If you have any more rules to add, feel free to email me