1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
5. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
6. This isn't an office-It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
7. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
8. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
9. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
10. You! Off my planet!
11. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
12. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control..
13. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
14. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
15. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
16. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
17. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
18. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
19. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
20. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
21. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
22. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
23. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
24. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
25. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
26. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
27. Better living through denial.
28. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
29. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
30. Adult child of alien invaders.
31. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
32. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
33. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
34. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
35. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
36. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
37. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
38. Mall whore: I can suck the numbers right off your credit cards.
39. After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?
40. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
41. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
42. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
43. One of us is thinking about sex..... OK, it's me.
44. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
45. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
46. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
47. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
48. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
49. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
50. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
51. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
52. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
53. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
54. I plead contemporary insanity.
55. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
56. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
57. It ain't the size, it's..... no wait-it IS the size.
58. Meandering to a different drummer.
59. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
60. I majored in Liberal Arts. Will that be for here or to go?