The following are the official rules of Brockian Ultra-Cricket

From Life, the Universe, and Everything by Douglas Adams

• Rule 1

  Grow at least three extra legs. You won't need them, but it leeps the crowd amused.

• Rule 2

  Find one good Brockian Ultra-Cricket player. Clone him off a few times. This saves an enormous amount of team selection and training.

• Rule 3

  Put your team and the opposing team in a large field and build a high wall around them.
  The reason for this is that, though the game is a major spectator sport, the frustration experienced by the audience at not actually being able to see what's going on leads them to imagine that it's a lot more exciting than it really is.A crowd that has just watched a rather hum-drum game experiences far less life-affirmation than a crowd that believes it's just missed the most dramatic event in sporting history.

• Rule 4

  Throw lots of assorted items of sprting equipment over the wall for the players. Anything will do - cricket bats, basecube bats, tennis guns, skis, anything you can get a good swing with.

• Rule 5

  The players should now lay about themselves for all they are worth with whatever they find to hand. Whenever a player scores ' 'hit' on another player, he should immediately run away and apologize from a safe distance. Apologies should be concise, sincere and, for maximum points, delivered through a megaphone.

• Rule 6

  The winning team shall be the first team that wins.

There, now. That wasn't so bad, was it? Wow, dig that puke-green background!