Conversion...

• You had to convert from being a Jew because when it came time for circumcism, the Rabbi kept missing.
• You converted to Catholicism because you heard there was a man hung like this in church -|-

• You waiting in line to donate at a sperm bank  (gargle milk or other white substance)
• A quick impression...  (make spreading motion, jump in, wrap arms around self and wiggle around, look happy)
• Player 1:  I tried to do an impression of you yesterday, but I just couldn't get my head that far up my ass
             Referee: Point, but in the future, the word ass shall only be used in reference to a donkey.
              Player2:  He was referring to a donkey

• Smaller fat women orbit around her.
• When she goes sunbathing, the natives come running out, bowing, and throw virgins into her navel praying for another year of mercy.
• When she goes to Sea World, Shamu gets a hard-on
• Your mother's so fat, she fell in love... and broke it!
• Your mother's so fat, she sat on a rowing machine, and it sank.
• Your mother's so fat, when she farts, they post hurricane warnings.
• Your mom's butt is so big it looks like two pigs fighting over a milkdud. (Kris)
• Your mother is so fat that when she jumps up she gets stuck. (Chris)
• Your mother is so fat her blood type is "peanut butter" -Crackmonkey
• Your mother is so fat she has her own national anthem -Crackmonkey

• I don't mean to say that your mother is loose, but every so often we hear from between her legs the sound of seven little voices singing, 'hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go'.
• If your mom gets another face lift, she'll have a beard.
• When Red Lobster has an all you can eat crab special, all your mom has to do is uncross her legs.
• Not to say that your mother's promiscuous or anything, but she does have to fold her sheets with a hammer.
• I had sex with your mom yesterday, but I didn't have to pay because my punchcard was full.

• I came across your mom the other day...
-Dan Hasselius aka Wilsome Daff MacLeod o' Harris
• You're so stupid, you thought the English Channel is something you get with cable.
• You remind me of a worm. Even after drinking a whole bottle of Tequila, the guy still has to decide if he wants to eat you.
• I heard you failed taxadermy school. You had the wrong impression of how to stuff a large mouth bass
• When you were born, your mother looked at the umbilical cord and said, 'oh, look, it comes with cable.
• I was going to make a pitcher of kool-aid, but I was afraid your mother would come crashing through the wall yelling 'oh, yeah!
-Eric Clark (Captain Andrew Marlowe)
• Your sister was walking around with a tampon behind her ear and asked if you had seen her last cigarette.
• Does that bother you at night when the bed bugs have turf wars with your crabs?
• You went to an Arkansas whorehouse and thought you'd stumbled upon a family reunion.
• I would have been your father, but the guy ahead of me in line had correct change.
• Do I go to where you work and slap the sailors' dicks out of your mouth?
• Sex with you is like opening a bank account.  You make a deposit, you make a withdrawal, and lose interest.
• When are you finally going to face reality and start calling me Dad?
• Player 1: If you were a buffet at a casino, no one would eat you!
  Player 2 (Oriental): If you were a bowl of fried rice at my family reunion, no one would eat you! If you were a loaf of bread at the Last Supper, no one would eat you!
• Do you brush your teeth? If so, are the bristles facing towards or away from you? (Thibor)
• ....do you brush your teeth with your feet? (Thibor)
• Why are we against these two? We said we'd take all comers
• Did your parents have any children that lived?
(Chris)
• You're so dumb, you think asphalt is a rectal problem!
• When you fell out of the ugly tree you must've hit every branch on the way down! -Jimmyjames
• You're so stupid, you think that Pokémon is Jamaican gay porn!
• The best part of you ran down your mother's leg. -Annigerria
• At your sister's last gynecological exam, they finally figured out in which quadrant of space Voyager has been lost in for the last ... years!
• I'm glad that your mother finally got her navel pierced so that she finally has a place to hang the air freshener!
• I'm glad your mother finally got those implants that I'd been suggesting; a cupholder and an ashtray in the small of her back.
• I asked your mom for some material to use against you, but she couldn't stop screaming "Oh my God! You're so big!"
• I was going to say something about you sleeping with sheep, but no one would believe that a sheep would sleep with you!
• What was it that you called a sheep up against an electric fence? Oh yeah, a vibrator!
• What do you give to the man who has everything? Antibiotics!

• You think cremation is playing hard to get.
• For you, foreplay is simply unzipping the body bag.
• You think that "grave reservations" simply means being first in line to defile the corpse.

• Didn't you think it was odd when your last three dates all asked the same thing in bed:  Daddy, are you sure this is right?
• You remind me of Kmart. All boys jeans 1/2 off.
• I heard you got a new belt buckle.  It says something like "users must be under this high to ride".
• I hear you've finally stopped eating Brownies. It seems you've moved on to the Boy Scouts.

• You're just jealous that she has a higher sperm count than you do.
• If I wanted your comeback (cum back), I'd ask your mom to spit and your dad to fart.
• Your wife's favorite thing about sex is that she finally has time to finish the grocery list.
• I heard you lost your job at the sheep farm; it seems just too many of them started looking like you.
• Do you know what he calls that useless piece of skin on the end of his penis?  Mom.
• You're the only man I know who goes to the sperm bank to make a withdrawal.
• This from a man who thought his new girlfriend's name was "Do Not Over Inflate".
• I passed the sheep fold the other night and they were all celebrating. Word is you've moved on to goats. (Shawnna Werner)
• You, Sir, are depriving a village of an idiot. (Chris)
• This coming from a man who as recently discovered his love of small woodland animal; seems those are the only cheeks he can fill

• You could screw a Cheerio without breaking it.
• In an attempt to regain his masculinity, he renamed his part to "Sasquatch".  Kinda fitting, actually.  Most have never seen it, and those who have aren't really sure it was even there.
• You're the only man I know who's been known for molesting his inner child.

• You're so flat, you could wear your [bodice] backwards and no one would know the difference. -Dewan Debra
• I didn't know you were into cowboys, until I heard you last night.... (to the Bonanza theme) " get it up, get it in, get it out, don't mess my hairdoooooooooo!!!!!!!"
• The difference between you and a bowling ball is that you can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
• He displays all the signs of a lonely man:  A calloused hand; well muscled wrist; and he's with you.
• You're so loose you've got Trojan permanently imprinted on your lips.
• You'll have to excuse her.  She's been a bit touchy since they took away her "Fondle Me Elmo" doll.
• You went out and bought 7 cucumbers and labeled them: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...
• The difference between you and an easy chair is that one is big and squishy and always has a hairy fat guy in it. The other is a chair.
• They call her the Bermuda Triangle; nothing's swallowed more se(a)men.
• Isn't that just like a woman?  Not quite a woman, but just like one?
• Excuse me M'lady But I do belive you have the whitest teeth I've Come (cum) accross...
• The difference between the women in his family and the circus is that when you goto the circus you see a cunning aray of stunts...
• I hear you finally landed a role in a major motion picture. It must be great to be known as hooker #1!

• When you were born, your mother diapered your face and nursed your ass.
• You're ass is so big, it comes with multi-tasking capabilities...
• You're so ugly , you could make a train take a dirt road! (LadiHawk9)
• Does your face hurt?  It's killing me.
• You're so ugly, I bet you think this insult is about you! -Nivek D. Shadow
• Show some respect! I could have been your father if the dog hadn't beat me up the stairs. -John the Bastard
• You're so ugly you're going straight to Hell! God looked down on you and said DAMN! -BJ

• You PATRON!

This picture was stolen from Sherry Roth who later
gave permission for it's use. Thanks Sherry :).