Some stuff I've collected on the Net
New Warnings on products
As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards legislation that requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautinoary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especially true in linght of the findings of 20th century physics.
We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists and science enthusiasts, we join together in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous placement of suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product in every category offered for sale. Our suggested listo f required warnings appears below:
WARNING: This product warps space and time in its vicinity.
WARNING: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them.
CAUTION: The mass of htis product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five h undred million miles per hour.
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle", it is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.
ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as "tunnelling", this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the Universe, including your neighbor's domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.
READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to certain suggested versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the primary particels consituting this product may decay into nothingness within the next four hundred million years.
THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.
PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the Universe.
NOTE: The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a "gluing" force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.
ATTENTION: Despite any othe rlisting of product contents found hereon, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this product consists of 99.9999999999% empty space.
NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The manufacturer may technically be entitled to claim that this product is ten-dimensional. However, the consumer is reminded that this confers no legal rights above and beyond those applicable to three-dimensional objects, since the seven new dimensions are "rolled up" into such a small "area" that they cannot be detected.
PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.
COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measureable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.
HEALTH WARNING: Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The entire physical Universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently reemerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.
Interesting points about Christianity:
Free will denies god the abilities of omniscience (since you choose what to do tomorrow) and omnipotence (since he cannot force you to do anything) - what kind of god is that to worship?
Satanists are Christians, they just root for the other side. God says, go with me, come to my house at death. Go with him, end up in his house. God gives you THE CHOICE. So Christians banning Satan are actually going against god's will.
Where do real satanists end up? They want to go to hell, but if satan is evil, he won't let them. But they can't go to heaven. Morale is, if you don't think you're going to heaven, become satanist and end up in limbo! Beats hell, methinks.
Collateral damage is never dealt with in the Bible. Job gets back in business, but what about his wives and children? They are dead as doornails. Ooops. Same thing with people who never heard of JC. Oh well.
Since god does not have power or humans, neither can Satan. So every single evil act is acutally caused by man. When did satan ever do anything bad? Abetting, yes, doing, no. New evil ranking, from worst to nicest:
1) Man(is evil)
2) God(creates man, ie creates evil)
3) Satan(goes against god, who creates evil men)
Where has god gone? Apparently, Satan is the only active party, while god only sits up there and does the 'Providence' and 'Strange Ways,' leading to lots of pain and suffering.
If you don't believe in JC, ie won't go to heaven, you should immediately go sign a contract with Satan. Since you're going to hell anyway, why not get something out of life while you're at it?
How come Sunday is the day of rest, when the Jews, who got the commandments, rest on Saturday?
Souls. When do they pop into existence? From the beginning of time, only waiting for a body? That would mean the end times only depend on how many babies we give birth to. When the egg and the sperm meet? That would leave twins with only half a soul each. When fetus cells seperate? That would mean A LOT of single-cell babies go to hell (see original sin, aimed for hell before baptization.) Is it at a certain number of cells, well you have the same thing as above, only fewer inferno-next-stop babies. Is it at birth? Well, then abortion is all right. And cloning, well, that means we can CREATE SOULS, people, assuming twins get one soul each. How's that for power?
The penguins go marching one by one, HURRAH HURRAH
The penguins go marching two by two, HURRAH HUURAH
We kick down the whores and steal the doors,
We pull out our guns and shoots the boars,
The penguin armies march on to VICTORY!
Posted by CyberPumpkin on the MegaTokyo forums.
What is L33T?
(To the tune of "Who Needs Sleep?" by Barenaked Ladies)
Now I sit down, crank up my box
Just kickin' back in shorts and socks
Connect my line and start the game
Try not to seem use-less and lame.
A measly seven kills I've bagged
I'm careful but I still get fragged
I get myself blown into bits,
I pound my keyboard having fits.
I log out, I don't cheat, I always get beat,
The only thing I know is that I'm not l33t,
I'm strung out, I'm in doubt...
What is l33t?
Well you're never gonna get it.
What is l33t?
Tell me what's that say?
What is l33t?
Ya gotta do it all the time, some guys live at home and never stop play
Who is l33t?
Well not me, so forget it.
Who is l33t?
I'm in FPS hell.
Who is l33t?
I gotta play to my strength, if I'm no good at gaming then I'll do somethin' else
My hands are shaking, sweating too
I draw another panel or two.
I might be good, but I'm not great.
The learning part is what I hate.
My hand's raw, I draw stuff, but not enough
The only thing I know is that it's real tough
To learn to draw, like what I saw
Who is l33t?
Like Masamune Shirow
Who is l33t?
Like K. Fujishima
Who is l33t?
No I'm not there yet, those guys have been at it for years (well duh!)
Who is l33t?
No I haven't quite got it!
Who is l33t?
Still looks a little screwed up!
Who is l33t?
No I'm never gonna get it if I don't practice hard and not give up!
So much anime and manga there to read and see,
But drawing skills like they have aren't something you get for free.
I won't do a web comic; that takes skills I do not have
'Cause it gives the harder workers in the industry get mad.
It's not defeat, I'll study hard, I'll go far
It's the only way to learn to do my own art
My own two feet, it's pretty neat
BAKA BAKA BAKA!
You'll be l33t!
It just takes hard work!
You'll be l33t!
And you'll earn your own fans!
You'll be l33t!
Gaming's fine but not creative, when I draw I'm not just throwng my time in the can!
You'll be l33t!
No I suck at gaming!
You'll be l33t!
Just a little sour grapes!
You'll be l33t!
Someday I'll animate and maybe sell it to the public on DVD or tapes!
(fade out)
CANADIAN WARSHIP SEIZES TANKER IN... WAIT...
CANADA HAS A WARSHIP?
Arabian Sea — Canadian television reported Friday that a Canadian warship in the Arabian Sea had seized a tanker suspected of smuggling oil from Iraq, leading many to suspect that the report was a hoax.
"You're kidding, right? Canada has a warship?" asked U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. "Like for war?
"Does Canada know?" he added.
"Nobody was more stunned than we were," said Kali Omari, first mate of the seized vessel. "We saw this frigate steaming toward us, and we were worried, but then we saw the maple leaf on the flag, and we thought, 'Oh, Canadians. What the hell do they want?'"
When an officer of the HMCS Vancouver announced that the tanker was about to be boarded, the crew of the detained ship was confused, said Omari, but their confusion quickly turned to anger when they saw what the Canadians sailors were carrying.
"They were armed. With guns," said Omari. "Canadians. With guns. And a warship. What is this world coming to?"
"They were pretty rude, too," Omari added. "They started asking us all sorts of questions, like 'Where did that oil come from?' But first we wanted to know who gave them the damn warship."
According to Canadian defense officials, the Vancouver is one of four frigates deployed in the region to assist in the U.S.-led Afghanistan conflict. The tanker was stopped, officials said, because its cargo of crude oil violated United Nations sanctions, which prohibit Iraq from selling oil unless in exchange for food and medicine.
The U.N. said the incident is already under investigation, and promised swift action against those found responsible for giving the Canadians guns. Initial findings indicate that the Vancouver crew may have been watching too many American television shows.