Our operative in darkest Surrey (Royal England!) 
reports that a local
spider-thing has been agitating among the farm animals to foil human and
robot alike.
The "spider-man," identified only as "Charlotte the Jackal," has been witnessed
on numerous occasions attempting to raise the self-worth of the once-model farm
employee, Wilbur, a pig who, says our agent, had quite a promising future of
being served by man until he started cavorting with the wrong crowd.
The following message was received yesterday by Happy Robot Central:
(NAME) Reggiwelpo (comments) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Welcome to my world, robot scum. I will challenge your dominance of the puny humans. I and my arachnoid warriors will crush your tin frames in our mighty beaks of death, G. Best you prepare your willtrons. Love, Reggiwelpo, King of the Spider Folk
God-like robot efforts in the Tyrolean Alps have done little to slow
"spider-folk" hordes crossing the Isonzo River. Several plumed robot hats were
reported lost in the chaos. Survivors report many robot targeting systems were distracted
by the lovely cherry blossoms this time of year.
Looking out for the good of all,
JKellner, PhD
Judy,
Unlike puny human PhD's, my head, except for my visual sensors, is simply a decorative anthropomorphism to put humans more at ease in my presence. My "brain" as it were is safely housed in my admittedly copious torso, and it is, in proportion and performance, vastly superior. As for my identity and allegiances, I have been fighting crime and mayhem in Japan and elsewhere since before you were born. I am no spider ally, but I admit that humans are often no prize, either. I came here for some robot companionship; must I suffer your slings and arrows and accusations?
As for head crushing, when you are so poorly designed as to have all your important processing parts in a little lump at the end of a stalk, who could resist pinching the little nubbin off? But spiders have this weakness as well. Plus, you can have fun pulling off their legs.
-Gigantor
Hello!
I don't know what this "japan" thing is all about, I guess some sort of mild-depression, but Gigantor's word is as good as pounds sterling in my book. Welcome aboard, kamerad! May you be free of accusations as long as you don't do anything fishy.
Judy, I know things have been crazy around here but lets not us be carried away. I suppose I should let the otherbots know that Judy is not just being paranoid, there have been spiders lurking about happy robot central. Just the other day Judy and I were sorting through old magazines and newspapers in the attic when what we had asusmed was merely a tiny mutant rat turned out to be a large spider. I managed to dispatch the critter with an old Ranger Rick, but it certainly got Judy's wind up. As if that weren't enough to justify a little paranoia, later, out in the orchard, Judy fell into a sinkhole swarming with thousands of hungry spiders. Of course her metal "skin" protected her from the worst, and of course, I was in the kitchen chopping vegetables and Dan was in the stables helping Rent re-shoe Balthazar, my mount, so none of us heard her screams for, oh, six, seven hours. By the time we reached her they had clogged her air intakes with their corpses, she was functioning below 12 percent. I gotta say, she looked pretty bad off. Anyway, my point is, Judy is not crazy.
Thanks all!
Tombot:
Explore the rest of HRC!
NEW!!! See pix of the 'bots and their pals!
Take the R5!
How's it all gonna come down?
We could not have done this alone!
Damnit! Is this the short bus or what?!
For a fun treat check this out!
Latest celebrity rumours confirmed!
You think you have problems coping with Columbus Day!?
Here is a list of those the robots are determined to vanquish!
If even death itself may die, who'd get kneewalking drunk at the wake?
Let us know what you think you know!
Cast your teachers and mentors to the wind, they don't know from whatfor!
Get your own Free Home Page