Conversations With Jack & Diane
Excursions
Diane’s willowy yellow dress ruffled seductively in the
cool autumn breeze, her long tanned legs allowing a very sensual
contrast to the brightly flowing garment. Her golden hair hung like
ambered silk, her indigo eyes searching for the one they longed to
see.
The blue Hawaiian sky echoed above, and the sun, though
bright, could not disuade the chill from the air.
She had driven into Hilo and was now standing near the
stonewall that bordered the curving edge of Scenic Point. A
vantage overlooking Hilo Bay.
So caught-up in the burning blue surface of the Pacific was
she, that she never heard as Jack drove into the circular roadside
parking area.
He stepped from the vehicle and moved directly toward
Diane. It had been several weeks since he’d last seen her, and that
certain fire of longing blazed within him. The nights had been so
long and lonely without the prospect of her in his mornings. But
she had been away with Fred on business. Pleasure too, he was
sure, an unforgiving jealousy rising inside his chest. All the
longing to see her smile corrupted itself into a feeling of betrayal
and abandonment. How could she have left his life for such a long
period? Had she not longed for him as he had longed for her?
As he neared she caught sense of his presence and turned
toward him, his brown eyes narrowed, his face rigid with a
fearsome scowl. Her blue eyes widened and a chill ran up her
spine as she recognized the agrieved expression.
“Damn you!” he growled, his voice far from a shout, but
certainly less than amiable. He stopped just short of crashing into
her. He tried to calm himself but the weeks of longing had driven
him past sensibility.
“Control yourself Jack,” Diane warned. “I hate it when
you get like this.” She shook her head, her long flaxen hair
flaming the seeds of desire in Jack. “I just knew you’d throw one
of these tantrums.”
“Yeah!?” he gritted. “Well I wasn’t the one traipsing off
on some wild whirlwind expedition of fun and lust!”
“Fun and lust!” Diane railed. “Is that what you think I was
doing Jack?” she probed, her cerulean gaze narrowing as she
waited for a reply.
Jack settled back on his heels as he stood before the
incredibly beautiful friend he adored. He pouted slowly, searching
for words.
“It kills me to think of you with another man,” he admitted,
his voice suddenly subdued and quiet. “Even Fred...” he added
softly. “Especially Fred...” His gaze fell to the ground.
“Why do you do this to me Jack?” Diane pressed, her
flawless face red with a myriad of emotions. “Why do you drive
me crazy with this jealousy shit you harbor? I can’t take much
more of it,” she assured him. “Everytime I’m away, even for just
a few days, we go through this same scenario.” She shook her
head, her sparkling hair fanning more of the flames that roiled
within the loins of her best friend.
She stepped back and sat slowly upon the hip high stone
wall, the blue pacific glistening behind her.
Jack stood where he was, brown eyes locked on some
distant image.
“I’m sorry,” he offered, his lips barely moving as he fought
against the surging emotions that collided within his heart.
“I really don’t know how much more of this I can take
Jack,” Diane repeated, her voice solid, but tinged with
apprehension. “I can’t even enjoy an outing with my family
without the fear that our friendship will suffer for it.” She took a
deep breath, her long legs swinging gently. “I love you Jack. You
are my dearest friend. My closest confidant. But you’ve got to
understand that my family, Fred and Becca, come first.” She
paused for a moment. “They are my life Jack.” She pouted sadly
and dropped her gaze to the pavement below, her long legs still
dangling absently.
“I know that silly,” Jack responded, drifting up next to her
and sitting himself on the same warm rock wall.
“So why do you get all nuts on me then?” she asked,
indigo gaze still on the ground, legs still dangling seductively.
“I don’t know,” Jack shrugged, chuckling sardonically.
“Well,” he offered. “Actually, I do know,” he frowned.
“Well enlighten me will ya,” Diane urged, the tension
between them slowly ebbing as sensibility regained it’s hold on the
situation.
“I don’t want to be redundant,” Jack assured her.
“About what?” Diane pursued.
“About expressing the love I feel for you,” he answered.
“I don’t mind,” Diane smiled. “I like that you love me,”
she nodded. “And I think that the more we share those feelings of
love the better we’ll understand that we need to channel those
feelings in a direction that won’t hurt the other people we love.”
She stared at her dangling legs. Of course, she was not alone in
that pursuit. ;-)
“But sometimes I can’t control what I feel for you Di,”
Jack admitted. “Sometimes it’s like this wave. This powerful
unyielding wave that surges through me with such force that
nothing else around me matters. Not even Jan,” he revealed.
“Sometimes the longing is so explosive that it threatens to rip the
sanity from my mind.” He chuckled again. But it was a chuckle of
remorse. “There are nights Diane,” he continued. “That I lay
awake unable to wash away the image of your face from my
thoughts. And I can’t sleep for fear of dreaming.”
“But why fear the dreams Jack?” Diane probed.
He chuckled yet again. “Because silly,” he offered. “The
dreams are the fuel that fires the morning’s resentment.”
“Stop with the poetry will ya,” she appealed. “And speak
to me in english.” She winked playfully as she felt the warmth
start to surround them again.
“Sure,” Jack smiled. “What I meant was that the dreams
are just that. Just dreams. And when the morning comes, and I
awaken. You aren’t there with me. And a painful resentment rises
inside. And it’s all I can do to keep my sanity.” He shook his
head. “I live with that feeling of emptiness for you everyday
Diane. I think about all that we could have together. I long for it,
you know. And then the reality of our lives crystalizes within my
thoughts and I realize that those dreams are the only thing that
keeps me from madness. Yet at the same time I cannot let myself
dream for fear of that same madness.” He took a deep breath and
fell silent.
“Sometimes, “ Diane began slowly, picking up where Jack
had left off. “When I’m making love with Fred, I close my eyes
and I dream of you Jack.” She smiled sadly. “I feel so guilty when
that happens because I love Fred. But I also love you too Jack.
And those feelings are with me as well. Those feelings of want
and need. Feelings so strong that at times I forget that I love Fred.
I forget about the hurt that loving you the way I really want to
would descend upon Becca.” It was her turn to chuckle now.
“Damn Jack, I love you so much that sometimes I hate you.” And
still her long legs dangled absently, her eyes cast downward.
“Yes...” Jack echoed in a whispery voice. “I know that
feeling,’ he assured her. “Call it hate or resentment. Either way
it’s that same empty feeling deep inside.”
Diane nodded slowly. “Yes, thats it Jack. An empty,
lonely feeling. One that darkens my thoughts yet at the same time
fires my needs.” She exhaled slowly. “Sometimes I cry because I
want to be with you so bad that I can’t do anything but sit and stare
into space, my entire being numbed by a love that can never be.”
“Is that what you think Diane?” Jack asked cautiously.
“What?” she frowned.
“That our love can never be?” he echoed.
“It can never be Jack. Not the love that we truly want,” she
elaborated.
They sat quiet for long moments, neither speaking until
Jack finally broke the heavy silence.
“I suppose you’re right,’ he agreed. “Funny,” he continued.
“How we both seem to crave these excursions of denial we take
every four or so weeks. Like clock work almost,” he chuckled.
“Each professing a love that can never be. Each rising to the
possibility only to reconcile defeat over and over again.”
“But I don’t think it’s a defeat,” Diane interjected. “If at
the end of these cathartic excursions we remain friends...” She
raised her blue gaze to his, hoping he felt as she did.
“Yes...” he whispered. “We are friends Diane. And no
matter how much we love each other, that love shall never destroy
the friendship.” He put his arm around her and held her close, the
rippling waters of Hilo Bay shimmering silently behind them.
“I promise to be your friend forever,” he whispered.
“And I yours,” Diane echoed...
The End
Unpublished Works © 1997 GJB
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