"They're coming! They're coming!" I yelled, slamming the front door shut as I ran inside our house.

"Who's coming?" Mom asked as she and Amy came out of the kitchen. She was looking around and I could tell she was wondering if she should run around and pick up for unexpected company.

"Gus and Gwen!"

"Oh, no!" groaned Mom.

Mom didn't care much for the supposedly social visit these two had made the last time they came over. It had been very exciting when they had come over last week, but this time I had a feeling of apprehension when I saw them coming up our driveway.

Gus and Gwen were the only creatures that I had seen our dogs run away from.

The Hansen sisters live about a quarter of a mile from us, the only thing separating us from them is a gulley, woods and various woodland creatues. They are our only neighbors to the right of us, unfortunately. Mom says they are retired school teachers. Well, if they were teachers I felt sorry for their students because they are mean. As mean as their geese, Gus and Gwen who they keep in their pond.

The first pair of geese that the Hansen sisters owned was killed while our house was being built. We aren't sure who to blame for the demise of the birds, one of the construction workers who worked on our house said the geese were asking for trouble one day as they waddled towards the construction noises. When my mom asked him what that meant, he shook his head and said one of them had bit one of the other workers when he was heading towards the Port-A-John. My mom looked like she wanted to laugh but the man didn't notice as he told her that later he'd seen the same man pretend to shoot the bird with his cocked hand from on top of the house. The birds were gone the next day.

Whether that man had taken them for a goose dinner or not, the birds had disappeared and the sisters must have really missed them because now the Hansen sisters owned two more.

Having just moved from the city, I had never met a goose face-to-face before. I sort of thought of a goose as a big, over-grown duck or as a nice, gentle creature like Mother Goose. So, therefore, I couldn't wait to get to know Gus and Gwen.

Gus and Gwen seemed to feel the need to socialize. They honked quietly to each other as they had waddled up to our house from their pond for the first time. They were meeting the neighbors.

Our dogs saw the geese. Immediately sensing a new adventure, they got up and chased after them with glee, thinking they had found some big, new, birds to chase.

Gus and Gwen didn't flinch or back down. They attacked the dogs, stretching their long necks to bite their tails and paws, honking loudly. Then they flapped their huge wings at the retreating dogs as if to say, "Don't mess with us!"

Gus whirled around and honked his indignation at me. He came waddling after me, trying to bite my legs and feet and anything else that he could reach. I raced up the front deck steps for safety, taking them two at a time.

Mom, by now, had come outside to see what all the noise was about. When she saw the geese chasing after the dogs she started laughing and went inside to get her camcorder. She came back out with it and went down the steps saying "Here geesey, geesey", trying to get the geese to come closer so she could film them.

I tried to yell, "Watch out, Mom!" but, instead, all that came out of my mouth was, "Hiccup!" Oh great!

One of the geese made a stab at Mom's camera with it's beak and the camera fell onto the grass. Mom was outraged at this unexpected attack on her camera. Before I could warn her, she tried to shoo away the geese from her fallen camera with her arms. The geese didn't pay any attention. They both swooped after her, attacking her hands with their beaks.

Mom decided safety was more important than the camera and joined me on the front deck. Fortunately, geese didn't seem to know how to climb steps.

Mom looked in disgust at the dogs who were keeping a safe distance from the birds, "Well, some guard dogs you are," She pointed at the geese, "Aren't you going to do something about them?"

Goldie drooped her head and wagged her tail weakly in apology with a sideways glance at the birds. Obviously she didn't feel guilty enough to make any kind of retaliation toward the geese. She had never been attacked by a bird before and she wasn't going to give these geese another chance to grab her tail.

We went inside and the geese got bored and eventually left.

That happened about a week ago and I'd kept the sound of the honking geese in the back of my mind when I played outside. I wanted no part of Gus and Gwen, and I didn't want them to try to grab another piece of me.

My head jerked up when I'd heard the unmistakable sound of double honks and the dogs and I had leaped to our feet when we saw the two bobbing bodies come waddling through the woods and up the path to our house.

Gus and Gwen were making another visit.

That was when I had panicked and ran into the house yelling that the geese were coming again.

Gus and Gwen, obviously, hadn't minded our inhospitable behavior the last time they visited, because they were back again, as mean as ever. By the time I had come back outside after warning Mom and Amy, our dogs and the geese were busy having another confrontation. The dogs were barking cautiously at the geese and the geese would make an occasional swipe with their beaks at the dogs.

Mom, Amy and I stood on the front deck and looked at each other and then at the geese.

"Go away!" I yelled at the geese. Gwen shook her tail and scratched at her wing with her beak.

Gus gave a warning peck toward Goldie who shot back even further away from the bully.

"Maybe we should call the police," Amy said helpfully.

"Do you really think that the police are going to come down here?" I turned to Amy. I couldn't believe she was serious, "Hello, officer," I mimicked, holding my hand up to my ear, "Please come right away, we are being attacked by killer geese.

"Well," Amy said disdainfully, not appreciating my sense of humor, "You think you know so much, you get rid of them."

"Allright, I will," I shoved past her and went confidently down the steps.

I didn't know what I was going to do. Amy was standing on the deck, watching me with a smirk on her face. She knew I was as scared of the geese as she was.

"Kevin Rooney you get back up here right now!" Mom yelled at me.

I pretended not to hear her.

The geese had divided themselves between the three dogs who were trying to keep their distance from the birds. Every time the dogs would try to run past them to join Amy and Mom on the deck for safety, one of the geese would run at them, flapping their wings and honking.

I felt like I was in a chapter of a horror novel, and it was not going well for the hero and his family.

At that moment, the geese noticed that I had come down from the deck. They abandoned the terrified dogs and began to advance on me.

I looked around myself frantically for a weapon or something to shield myself with.

A lawn chair was on the grass next to me. Well, it's better than nothing, I thought as I picked it up and shoved the chair legs at one of the geese.

Gus looked confused. He wasn't sure what to do. Next, I shoved the chair at Gwen who didn't know what to do either. Gus and Gwen just stood there, honking quietly at each other in confusion.

"Take that!" I yelled at the geese as I pushed the chair legs towards their heads.

The geese stepped back reluctantly. They had never met this kind of confrontation before. They were used to chasing after dogs and people, not being attacked by lawn furniture.

I glanced up at the front deck and I could see Mom and Amy watching me in admiration as I did battle with the enemy. I might have found a whole new talent that I didn't know I possessed. Obviously, I was good at taming wild animals and height wouldn't matter in the least as long as the animals knew who was boss. I could join a circus as a animal tamer. The ringmaster would introduce me to the crowds who came from miles around to see me, Mighty Kevin, Greatest Wild Animal Tamer in the World. I would shove my chair at the mighty beasts. The roars of the savage animals would be so loud that people miles away could feel the vibrations. "Might Kevin knows no fear," the ringmaster would tell the crowd, "He has tamed every wild animal imaginable, from Siberian tigers to ferocious croccodiles. See how the beasts cower in their corners, fearful of their master?" Rows and rows of people would be standing on their feet, applauding me, the heroic animal tamer, and I would bow modestly to my audience.

The lion's shapes slowly became geese as my daydreams dissolved into the reality of my present situation. I shook the chair at them once again and I slowly backed Gus and Gwen down the path they had come. I yelled angrily and shoved the chair at the two tyrant's white tails. I had had enough of the two bullies' tirades against us. I didn't like any kind of bully. It was bad enough that I had had Brian sitting behind me during school but now that school was out I refused to be terrorized by these tormenting trespassers who were smaller than me.

Gus tried to go around the chair but I stepped to the side, raising it higher and yelling that either he was getting out of here or I would cook his goose. I'm not sure if I meant to be funny when I said that, but I could hear Amy and Mom laughing on the front deck.

It took a while but I finally had the geese backed down all the way to the Hansen sister's pond. The dogs followed, watching with interest, not lending any help to me, but, instead, hung way back behind me.

I came back to the house in jubilation. Mom and Amy looked behind me for signs of the returning geese but only saw the dogs who were jubilant that their persecutors had finally been gotten rid of.

"They're gone!" I waved the lawn chair high like it was a sword.

"I told you I could take care of those two," I told Amy victoriously as Mom thanked and hugged me.

Amy was at a loss for words at first but after a few seconds she managed to say, "Well, it took you long enough and don't forget to put that chair back where it belongs."

I wasn't sure how long the geese would manage to stay away this time. Those two had looked mean and stubborn enough to probably try another raid on our house just out of pure spite alone.

Mom saw one of the Hansen sisters a couple of days later at the grocery store. She told her about the geese's attacks at our house and Miss Hansen told her that she should just shoo them away next time they bothered us.

Mom told us that she couldn't believe her ears. Obviously, the sisters must not have had a confrontation with their own geese yet.

Dad made an announcement a week later that we wouldn't be bothered by the geese any more. It seemed that the two terrors had made a fatal mistake and attacked one of the Hansen sisters. The birds were gone that same day.

Every now and then when I'm outide and I hear honking I always look up in fearful anticipation but it's usually just geese flying overhead on their way to some destination. I just hope they never decide to make a neighborly visit to our house like Gus and Gwen did.

Go back to Chapter 6
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Go to Chapter 15