Tiger limerick

His gun was in the holster
Courage he had to bolster
The tiger appeared before him,
Really, he thought or is it a whim.

The tiger opened its mouth wide
He had just enough time to jump aside
It scratched him with its claws
His movement did have some flaws.

He tried to smile at his fate
But the timing though was too late
For the tiger was in the air
To give his body the final tear.

His hand shook, so did his gun
He shot at the tiger, then spun
The bullet hit a coconut tree
Down came a fruit,falling free.

He saw it fall with mouth wide open
And hit him! Oh how did this happen
He surely was knocked out cold
Lying prone he lost his hold.

The tiger smelt him with apprehension
Here is a man down flat, without tension
It walked away thinking he was dead
Later the man woke and resumed his tread.

- mine own, so don't blame anybody else

Jokes

A gentleman is returning home after a lengthy trip, and is met by his servant at the station. This is the onversation that they have on their way to his home.
"So, has anything happened while I've been away? "
"No, sir, I can't think of anything at all worth mentioning."
"Come now, I've been away for weeks. Surely something must have happened in all that time."
"Well, sir, come to think of it, your dog died."
"My dog died? How awful! Still, he was getting on in years, and I suppose it had to happen some time. How did he die?"
"The vet said it was probably from eating the rotten meat."
"The rotten meat? Since when do we leave rotten meat lying around for the dog to eat?"
"Well, it was the horses, sir. They'd been rotting for some time after the barn burned down."
"Good heavens. How in the world did the barn burn down?"
"It must have been some embers that blew over from the house, sir."
"The house? The house burnt down, too? How did the house burn down?"
"Well, sir, we think someone must have knocked over a candle."
"Oh. ... Wait a moment - we don't use candles anymore to light the house! What were the candles doing there?"
"They were there for the wake, sir."
"The wake! Whose wake?"
"Your mother's, sir. She passed away quite suddenly."
"Oh my Lord. Mother is dead. The house is gone, along with the stable. Even my dog is dead. What did Mother die of?"
"It must have been the shock, sir."
"The shock. Which shock?"
"Yes, sir, the shock. When your wife ran off with the handyman the day after you left, sir. "

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"