Bumper Sticker Philosophy
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- Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise
my hand.
- Early bird gets the worm, but the second
mouse gets the cheese.
- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she
left me before we met.
- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
- How do you tell when you run out of invisible
ink?
- If everything seems to be going well, you
have obviously overlooked something.
- Support bacteria - they're the only culture
some people have.
- Depression is merely anger without
enthusiasm.
- When everything's coming your way, you're in
the wrong lane.
- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having
enough sense to be lazy.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness
pays off now.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some
don't have film.
- Shin: a device for finding furniture in the
dark.
- Many people quit looking for work when they
find a job.
- I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
- Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill
them.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to
buy her friends?
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked
into jet engines.
- If I worked as much as others, I would do as
little as they.
- 24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case...
coincidence? I think NOT!
- Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a
horizontal desire.
- When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind
gets pretty crowded.
- Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
- Who is General Failure and why is he reading
my hard disk?
- What happens if you get scared half to death
twice?
- I used to have an open mind but my brains
kept falling out.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
horn louder.
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your
name?
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all
evidence that you tried.
- If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving
definitely isn't for you.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired
of thinking.
- Experience is something you don't get until
just after you need it.
- For every action, there is an equal and
opposite criticism.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Success always occurs in private, and failure
in full view.
- The colder the X-ray table, the more of your
body is required on it.
- The hardness of the butter is proportional to
the softness of the bread.
- The severity of the itch is proportional to
the reach.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism;
to steal from many is research.
- Two wrongs are only the beginning.
- You never really learn to swear until you
learn to drive.
- The problem with the gene pool is that there
is no lifeguard.
- Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your
life.
- The sooner you fall behind, the more time
you'll have to catch up.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a
bad memory.
- If you must choose between two evils, pick
the one you've never tried before.
- Change is inevitable... except from vending
machines.
- A fool and his money are soon partying.
- Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
- If you think nobody cares about you, try
missing a couple of payments.
- Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's
the scenic route.
- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the
speed of checks.
- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't
expect it back.
- Half the people you know are below average.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad
name.
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on
the spot.
- A conscience is what hurts when all your
other parts feel so good.
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Twisted Sayings
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- Dyslexics have more fnu
- Clones are people, two
- Entropy isn't what it used to be
- Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
- Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate
clauses
- Eschew obfuscation
- 186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's
the LAW!
- Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor
- Anything free is worth what you pay for it
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization
- COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
- Editing is a rewording activity
- Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous
redundancy
- I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm
not sure
- My reality check just bounced
- Rap is to music, what Etch-a-Sketch is to art
- What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- Energizer bunny arrested, charged with
battery
- No sense being pessimistic, it probably
wouldn't work anyway
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