I see the world
Out of the door
I see the world.
And I for one prefer
I have found that spiders
Maybe the prophets are speaking truth:
Comes in the form of
I see them
And the door,
And on the walls,
copyright 7/3/96 Bernadette Snyder
TOPShe & I met
I know how to swim
I don't remember
I cried for you.
You are: the comet I meant to discover.
I keep your picture by my bed
I had a dream
"Is there someone new to take my place?"
I compiled a list of things that draw me to you.
There was once a reason to love you.
You have no
Driving North -- keep going.
Never mind the bank I robbed,
When I needed you, you'd always turn away.
Sometime, I will learn to live again.
It's time to pick up the pieces and put them back together.
Please don't forget me . . .
Sometimes I think of you and how it could have been done;
And he came to soothe me
Full of anxiety, I come to you.
Words you've said for eighteen years,
There is not another you.
18 years have gone by; the celebration
If I ever send my love to you,
Just in case you want to hold me, I'll tell you now that'll be fine.
She & I lived
She & I died . . . long ago
There I gave my life to her,
for she had given hers to him.
And now she has given mine away.
She and I are dead,
the only one who notices.
copyright 7/3/96 Bernadette Snyder
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Crying The Hudson River
Then why am I drowning
here in the Hudson River?
I've admired this body
this challenge
this beautiful Hudson River.
I dove in head first
I floated for a while
here in the Hudson River.
And now I'm drowning
I see no life saver
No hero in this Hudson River.
So this is my end
my enamored destruction
and all because of the Hudson River.
copyright 7/3/96 Bernadette Snyder
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the Act of Contrition.
I've lost every fiber of my religion.
I can't recall
even the shortest prayer.
I tried for St. Jude;
he didn't seem to care.
And it is because of you
that I'm lost --
that I've sold my soul
at the highest cost.
It is because of your eyes,
and the way they reflect the dark colors on my sleeve,
which are all I have left of me.
For I have given you all else
above all else.
copyright 7/3/96 Bernadette Snyder
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I lied for you.
I died a cruel death for you.
You laughed at me.
You tore my skin
because it was the one thing
I didn't give to you.
So you have it
and I have none.
But now that my days are done
I will take your days
I will break your ways
I will tear your skin
that you have no soul
but mine.
copyright 7/3/96 Bernadette Snyder
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You are: the angel I was supposed to meet at the entryway of Heaven.
You are: the apple I meant to feed on -- everyday -- to keep the doctor away.
But the doctor's in.
He's sitting in my living room, drinking lemonade.
He's trying to cut my head open with dull white scissors.
His purpose is tainted.
He said he wanted to discover me,
and he wanted to meet me halfway,
and he wanted to feed on my energy.
Should I keep him on the edge of his seat?
It's the best way to keep his hopes high.
And one day soon I'll send a doctor for him --
and come for you again.
This time, please be ready.
copyright 7/3/96 Bernadette Snyder
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Lennox The Conqueror
Often I wake suddenly; often.
Sweat
I'm frightened.
I miss you.
Then -- I see your picture.
I see your smile, warming me.
I see your eyes, watching over me.
I lay back down
and curl up under the sheets
I can almost swear
that sometimes
your picture
copyright 1996 Bernadette Snyder
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In The Jungle Ice
in which I and a cougar laid
His breaths were short,
and his fur coat:
as if he had been running.
He laid upon my side his paw,
His eyes closed slowly
Enter into the scene
a polar bear,
the cougar's (dearest) friend.
to say "good-bye,"
copyright 1996 Bernadette Snyder
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you ask, and laugh for a time.
I cry.
For how could you think so low of yourself -- to feel
I could replace you?
I scream!
For how could you think so low of me -- to assume I'd imprison someone
simply because I let you free?
I could ever love.
And I love to watch you fly.
Soar above, and far away,
leaving a rainbow in your place.
Others are but blindfolds,
through which I cannot see you.
And I refuse to put one on.
Because you are most beautiful when you fly.
"Is there someone new to take my place?"
you ask again.
"No."
And you take to the sky once more,
and I watch how the sun shines
off your golden feathers.
I get out the garden hose to wash the bird droppings off my car.
copyright 1996 Bernadette Snyder
TOP
I found it impossible to complete:
You always came up with something new.
So I walked one night to the edge of town
and looked down the highway.
I saw no cars, and the sun itself had retired early.
But my eyes beheld such a lovely sight,
one that made me despise every site I'd ever seen before.
I saw my list,
full, and without a doubt complete,
written with stardust
across the sky.
copyright 7/27/96 Bernadette Snyder
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I believe it was actually involved in a conspiracy.
I did not plot this deed,
nor was its intent to hurt you.
It was your conspiracy.
And you did not even conspire simply against me.
You organized the total, brutal demise of my species.
This, I know now, does not include you.
Once thought to be a god,
a higher diety,
you are in fact a demon --
though not Satan,
I could compare you easily to he.
copyright 7/27/96 Bernadette Snyder
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obligation
to love me
simply because I was born
with no purpose
other than to love
to follow
to belong to you.
There is no
obligation
for you to love me
just because
I live for you.
copyright 1995 Bernadette Snyder
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Freedom Through Christ
Just a visit to D.C. -- keep going.
Finally there -- keep going.
In the museum -- keep going.
Down to the Capitol -- keep going.
To the shops -- keep going.
Had fun -- keep going.
Heading back -- keep going.
Time for work -- keep going.
Rotten customers -- keep going.
Time for a break -- keep going.
Go out for a smoke -- keep going.
Stop -- let's go together.
copyright 1995 Bernadette Snyder
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Shakesperean Sonnets
Just a few minutes more;
the hands of time are too slow.
One minute seems like four,
and only a few minutes left to go.
The sun begins to set;
the stars are coming out.
But it's not bedtime yet,
and I'm plum-tuckered out.
The bread is almost ready,
and I want to turn off the oven.
It's made the room hot and sweaty,
but the bread is not quite done.
It's now time for you and I to part,
copyright 1996 Bernadette Snyder
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so that I would have enough
Forget the chia pet seeds I spread
on certain parts of my body,
so clothed, they would make me seem more
Totally ignore the fact that I desicrated
so that your friends would recommend me.
Please block from your memory the soul
I don't want you
to have the priveledge
of remembering me,
after dismembering me,
I'm so dry that yesterday
someone mistook me for a cactus.
A cactus!
And to think, before,
The gracful kind, that dances over rocks,
that glistens in the sun,
Oh, Earth, my mother, give to your child those trees!
copyright 1996 Bernadette Snyder
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Bird of Paradise
I said I wanted you, needed you to stay.
Maybe you did not think I could
be good enough for you.
Maybe you did not know just how
much this love was true.
Either way, it was me you discarded.
Either way, I'm the one left broken-hearted.
I've got to pick up the pieces, and learn to carry on.
I've got to pick up the pieces; I realize you're not a god.
I thought you were sacred, some incredible sparkling jewel.
I thought you were perfect, but I never knew
how you hated me loving you.
I guess I gave my heart to the wrong obsession,
losing along the way my most valuable posession.
I tried not let it show that you'd killed me inside.
I tried not to let you know about the tears I cried.
But you knew and left me all alone.
But you knew and kept cutting to the bone.
I've got to pick up the pieces, and learn to carry on.
I've got to pick up the pieces; I realize you're not a god.
I thought you were sacred, some incredible sparkling jewel.
I thought you were perfect, but I never knew
how you hated me loving you.
Somehow, I will learn to live again.
And though I am not the one, I will remember
that once I saw a beautiful bird
who never stopped, just kept on flying
just kept on flying
away . . .
copyright 1995 Bernadette Snyder
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Suicide Letter
Never forget me . . .
Even long after I'm gone.
And if you ever wonder what went wrong,
Please don't think it was you.
Please don't stop loving me . . .
Never stop loving me . . .
I have to go -- it's in the plan,
And I'll always be your biggest fan.
Please don't be blue.
Please don't hate me . . .
Never hate me . . .
You can't comprehend how much I love you, dear.
But I cannot stay much longer here.
I'll exit before my cue.
Please don't cry for me . . .
Never cry for me . . .
I'll be happier when I leave,
And I don't want you to grieve.
But I must say adieu.
copyright 2/95 Bernadette Snyder
TOP
For a girl at Thomas Dale who hung herself, and for those mourning her doing so . . .
Events falling into place to prevent that one.
But the road of your journey, so cruel and quick,
And mine, yet unfinished, never have, never will mix
Why can't I forget the one I no longer love?
Let me take off your memory like a wet glove!
And it was truly my eyes that chose to love you:
My heart had so many others held high above you.
Yet when you could take no more from me
Or rather, I felt I'd give no more to thee,
And you were hidden, my sightly desire,
Your low ranking moved higher and higher.
Now I think, since my eyes have rested a while,
You've been moved from my heart into my mind.
And all I can do is think of you,
and wonder why I hate maple trees like I do.
I know the answer, but I refuse to blame you.
copyright 12/27/96 Bernadette Snyder
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For Jason Ingram
And he came to hold me
And he came to wipe my tears
But not one loved the way I smiled just for you.
And he came to hold my hand
And he came to gaze into my eyes
And he came to write me love songs
But not one loved that I gave my heart fully to you.
And you came to rescue me
And you came to caress me
And you came to claim me for your own.
And you're worn from the journey.
Your feet can walk no more
Your eyes can cry no more
Your nose can no longer pick out the scent of my perfume
And your arms cannot hold me so tight.
Was the road to your door paved with them?
Am I your last resort?
Or were the others simply hating your smile, set aside for me?
I have always loved it.
copyright 1997 Bernadette Snyder
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Full of good intentions, I walk away again.
It's for the best, I try to justify.
But for whom is it so wonderful?
I'm miserable alone,
and without you, who can I call on when my arms are sore from longing to hold you?
To embrace anyone else would be treason.
My own hands would kill me.
So I leave in the best interest of you,
and of your life,
and whomever you choose to love.
But still, on nights like these,
When my eyes are blurred from being denied the sight of you,
I take the most timid of steps in the direction of your door.
There's no one to prove me wrong,
No one to test the limits of what I'll do,
No law keeping me from you.
And yet, I should remain still;
I fold my hands and twiddle my thumbs,
Waiting for our time to come.
Unless I've already missed it . . .
In which case, my hands are looking at me funny,
And my resignation letter will be on your desk in the morning.
copyright 1997 Bernadette Snyder
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"The celebration has ended, let us go in peace . . ."
Now make us part in tears.
The celebration has ended;
You've brought me here.
From my hibernation.
I recognize my fears:
They are founded in you, and all you've said.
Now you're leaving me -- that's what I dread.
I'm afraid you'll miss parts of me,
things I'll do, you won't see.
And after all you've done for me, what can I do for you?
"The celebration has ended, let us go in peace . . ."
These words were yours,
But it's been so long since they've put me at ease.
Since I heard you were leaving --
How could you walk away?
I've just begun to know you! --
These thoughts get in the way.
They keep me from telling you how much I admire you.
They keep me from saying all that I've been praying:
Don't let him miss parts of me,
Things I'll do, let him see.
And after all he's done for me, what can I do for him?
Yes I know I'll miss you so, I'll miss the thoughts in your mind.
Some will try to replace you; I'm not that kind.
There is not another truth
than you've helped introduce me to.
Remained unchanged; now alterations.
The celebration has ended, I will go in peace.
I will keep with me all you are, and I will go, not to grieve.
I have found Him in you, and through all you've said.
Now you're leaving me -- that's what I dread.
I'm afraid I'll miss parts of you; things you'll do, I won't see.
And after all you've done for me, it's so hard to leave you.
copyright 01/07/97 Bernadette Snyder
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For Father William Condon
look for it by the nightly sky.
And if I ever keep my love from you,
please don't ask why.
I can hardly bear that I can't have you
and if you knew what's inside of me
I'd totally fall apart.
So I may just keep it from thee.
I notice you giggle when I smile your way.
I remember times you'd die if I did not.
So what do you propose by your secretive laugh?
Do you know something I do not?
Are you aware of what I mean when I say "I love you"?
Or do you even care who I don't put above you?
I thought once maybe you did.
I thought many things.
I believed you loved me,
and it is I hanging by your strings.
How did I end up like this --
a discontented marionette?
I'm now envious of Pinocchio,
And you I can't forget.
copyright 1996 Bernadette Snyder
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know that I won't mind.
Yet suppose still you wish to tease and torture me until time's end . . .
If you long to touch me and stare into my eyes,
Understand now that I will never raise my hand in protest to anything you do.
copyright 1997 Bernadette Snyder
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