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Tommy " The Management" McClements - Tommy sets out his stall before each match reminding us " to go out and enjoy it lads, its a game of two halves, whoever scores the most wins and that it only takes a second to score a goal". Joking aside though he took over the job after the great progress made under Brendan (see below) and in his first season (1996-97) steered us to Runnners up spot in the First Division of the Newcastle University Saturday Afternoon League.
Joe Mapplebeck - Captain and midfield anchorman - Combines the rough and tumble duties of the midfield with the political machinations and subs collection duties of Club Secretary as though he was born to both jobs. Known to his teammates as Captain Courageous (after coming back from a Cruciate ligament operation) but his opponents call him The Quiet Assassin (amongst other things!). Known for getting box to box, though what happens inside the boxes is less reliable :).
Rob Blues - Goalkeeper - The nuts and bolts of the team. Literally. Nicknamed Meccano after the horrific injuries he's come back from, not to mention the car accident a couple of Christmas's ago. Rob puts his staying power down to being a 4th Dan in Karate...and who am I to argue with him! Best outfield player of all our goalkeepers...so theres no need to practice as sweeper while you're in goal, right Rob?
Ian Dowson - left full-back - a sweet left foot and a football brain...a bit like Julian Dicks after a fry up in a cafe in Bishop Auckland. Came last in a Friar Tuck look a like contest ( Spennymoor Social Club) and is said to be related to the late great Bob Hardisty. The Alf Tupper of the team. One of our trio of poets.
Ritchie Fenton - Centre-half/sweeper - AKA Mr Man of the Match ( his dominance in this field is cynically put down by some to his distinctive Ginger locks ( hence his nickname to other teams of Dirty ginger b******)). Ritchie is as solid as one of Robin Hood's trunks. Experienced, skillful, hard but fair...its sickening really. What can we say- except do something about that Toon Season ticket so you don't miss every other game!
Paul Summers - Centre-half/floating man marker - nothing chicken about Paul, except of course for his trademark stance: hands on hips elbows somehow pointing forwards, in which position he manages to track the fastest players in the league. Previously known as Mr Own Goal these have dried up of late. The second of our team's poets (soon to have his first volume published). Sponsored by Superglue (his opponents know why).
Jason Etherington - Centre-half/sometimes Left full-back - One cool dude who plays each game to his own rhythm (he is a bass player). Also known for his helpful on field comments and support (honest!). All who've seen him play five-a-side wait expectantly for him to start slamming the goals in on a Saturday as well.
Pete Hedworth - right full-back/wingback - Known by many names...The Flying Machine, Lombardo and Chrome Dome spring instantly to mind. His lack of a silly footballers haircut has not hindered his career. Feared by all teams for his attacking adventurousness, some days the glare of the sun off his bonce is sufficient to put them to flight! He has held this position for years (despite scoring six the only time he was ever played up front). He was an original Mysteron and has played for 13 seasons. We would all like to know what is in those pre match pasties and tabs to account for that pace at thirty-...what is it now Pete?
Johnny Barber - left midfield/forward - The 'Golden Boy' of the Mysterons. By no means the only 'left winger ' in the team. He is well known for his long mazy dribbles (though he's stopped wearing the bib). A typical example was a goal scored in the annual five-a-side tournament where he beat 3 players (twice each) before scoring a scorcher - from exactly the place he'd started his run from! 10 on the Keegan entertainment rating Johnny :)
Mark George - Right wing - Product of South London and former Crystal Palace trialist. He bears an uncanny resemblance to Chris Waddle with a swerve a swagger a drop of the shoulder a crap haircut and an inability to sing. Naturally two footed, spent years in the wilderness after injury but came back after watching one too many Palace relegation seasons and pulled on those treasured Martin Hinshelwood boots once again.
Brendan Cleary - midfield - A Mysteron since virtually the start and a strong guiding spirit of the team. Former player-manager and Poet Laureate of the pitch he completed his best ever season last year in his 38th year. Finally lost the hanky to become a ball player. Famous for his Norman Hunter impression before the start of every game. The teams third poet who makes appearances all over the country.
Tony H - Midfield/right-wing/centre forward - looking to make a comeback after a string of injuries and inconsistent appearances in the last season and a half. Still pops up with the odd goal though. I like to compare my pace to Linford Christie...but the lads think I'd be hard put to beat Julie Christie :(
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