Yes, it's that time of year again. Exams are over, my bank account is squeakily-acheingly empty, and it time to go home.

Of course I'm excited. Really. Okay, that was a lie. I'm not excited. I don't want to go! Don't make me go! I only want to live in Canterbury? Is that so much to ask? And maybe have my cat here as well, without waiting the six months of quarantine. That's all I need. And my family. My mum would love it here. The climate is very mild. And my nephew could grow up with the sweetest little British accent. Let's face it, young children with British accents are adorable. 'Mummy, may I please watch the Teletubbies?' And that's really all I need. And my friends from home. Let's face it, you need someone to come with you to the pub and you can't do that with your mum. And that's all I need. And Taco Bell. Yeah, if they could open a few restaurants somewhere on the island, that be great and it'd be all I really need. And my car. It's a clapped out and more than just a bit dodgey and probably wouldn't pass any sort of safety inspection, but I love it. And that's all I really, really need. And pumpkin pie. The British don't eat pumpkin, they find it vaguely barbaric. But how can you celebrate Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie? Exactly. And this conspicuous lack of a vital 'stuff your face until you faint' holiday on the last Thursday of each November…England needs one of those. You just got to have a 3 day weekend the month before Christmas. It's vital. When else are you going to get your shopping done? And stores that stay open past 5 p.m. would be nice. I'm not asking much. I really don't want the global domination of Wal-Mart of Kmart or anything like that, but some kind of retail store that stayed open to 9pm to my varied lifestyle needs. That'd be groovy. And traffic lights. I'll never get the hang of round-abouts. They frighten me. And place names on the map that I can pronounce. And northern accents that I can understand. The occasional snow fall. Can't have a snow ball fight without a good snow. Cola cans from aluminium, not steel. And low-fat Oreo cookies. Can you belief that they don't exist here? Exactly. Just them, all the other stuff, and that's all I really need. I'm just a simple 20th century, turn of the millennium girl.