Observations
Your *next* relationship is going to be the one that works.
Help! I've run out of things to want !
It is wrong to judge someone by the colour of their skin.
Youth and beauty are OK, though.
Just because the government says something, it doesn't necessarily mean it's untrue.
Relationships are the only path to happiness.
That's why everybody has so many.
In order to be socially acceptable
you have to be a rebel and an individual.
To do this, find a group of rebelious individualists
and imitate them exactly.
You may be an oncologist with 20 years experience,
but MY opinion that parsnip-juice cures cancer
is just as good as any opinion of yours !
TV is an invidious force that dominates our lives.
By the way, anything good on tonight ?
Remember, if you look long enough and hard
enough and spend enough money, you *will* find someone as
good-looking as the people on TV and in the movies.
It is not enough for a social system to satisfy
existing needs: it must create new ones as well.
The main problem with society is the fact that
everyone is so apathetic, but....what
can you do?
All my friends tell me there is a massive conspiracy
by THEM going on that nobody knows about, and the fact
that there is no evidence just shows how clever THEY
are, and THEY deny it, so it must be true.
Everyone says I should think for myself,
so it must be true.
You may be clever, but don't get ideas
above your station -- you're no computer.
Driving would be alright if it wasn't for all
the traffic on the roads.
Politicians suck. I wish the people who can be
bothered to vote would vote for some better ones.
The next revolution will start during a commercial break.
Tolerate all colours and creeds, providing
they're not poor, ugly or boring.
My holiday was a real disappointment --
the place was full of tourists.
Have you noticed how people who say
"you only live once!" rarely make
it past thirty ?
I glad we've put all that mediaeval superstition behind
us now. By the way, did you see that cool program
about UFO's last night ?
Democracy is a system that promises you the politicians
you want, and delivers the ones you deserve.
20/6/05
Self-righteousness: the luxury only the poor and humble can afford.
Expert: someone whose advice is actually worth something.
Stability: the overriding advantage of tyranny. What we value most highly
in our own society is freedom; what we
value in our friends overseas is the ability to swiftly stifle dissent,
thus ensuring that the prevaling situation,
however awful for those at the receiving end, continues to prevail.
People who say they are not political are always right-wing.
I took some drugs and realised that consciousness is completely
independent of the material world...
Nobody is a bad driver or has stupid children. No-one knows
where all the stupid kids and bad drivers come from.
They must be aliens.
People only solicit your opinion, as an expert, in order to
ignore it. ("That can't be right..!"..."If you're the expert, why are you asking me?!")
Rap: How could Americans *fail* to invent an art-form that consists of shouting
about how wonderful you are.
Good English People don't go to heaven. Well, they wouldn't like it. There's nothing
to moan about.
The day your zits clear up is the day your hair starts turning gray.
The collective noun for philosophers is "disagreement".
There is no local government too poor to build itself fancy new offices; there is no
national government to poor to afford an army.
Any self-respecting fact has at least four explanations.
If we are to condemn A for stereotyping B, why should we not condemn B for stereotyping himself ?
People who don't believe "my country, right or wrong" aren't failing to "get" patriotism;
people who do believe it are faling to "get" ethics.
Companies don't have policies -- in favour of open
communication, or training, for instance -- in order
to pave the way for implementation; they have policy
statements instead of implementation.
If your boss shows interest in your ideas and innovations, it's because
he wants to steal them.
The old Russia was an Awful Warning against Communism. The current
Russia isn't an Awful Warning against Free-Market Capitalism though..no sirree.
A gap between what has been promised and what has been delivered is best plugged with a dead messenger.
The impotent are fascinated with omnipotence.
Do not adjust your opinions: reality is at fault.
People judge other people's politics by its crudest form and
their own by a refined and nuanced form,
We judge ourselve by our intentions and others by their actions: hence we always come off better in our own estimation.
Always do as others do. Then you won't go far wrong. Unless they do.
Our old current way of doing things is perfect. Our new way is even better.
Politician who get involved in sex scandals don't polute plitics. They do so because they
have already been poluted by politics.
When stupid people encounter subtle philosophies, they don't become smarter; the philosophies become dumber.
Ten bad arguments aren't worth one good argument.
How to identify the sides in the Gay rights debate: The godless liberals
are the ones talking about love and commitment, the spiritual religionists
are the ones talking about penetration and mucus membranes.
Kant is the joyce of philosphy -- much admired , rarely read, never understood.
Rand of course is the McGonnogal.
Be correct, and if you can't be correct, be consistent.
Liberty: Me being able to do what *I* want.
License: You being able to do what *you* want.
Theories of religion tend to represent the theorists own concerns. Howard Jacobson's
claim that all religion is an argument with God is a much better description of Judaism
than of religion in general.
Neoliberalism is the economic theory that promises short-term pain or long-term payoffs,
and only delivers on the first.
The only alternative to majority rule is minority rule.
William James was a philosopher who wrote like a novelist.
Henry James was a novelist who wrote like a philosopher.
If they ever hold an all-England moaning championship, there is not
the slightest doubt that the final will be between a team of teachers
and a team of farmers.
Actors adapt themselves to the part. Starts have movies built around them.
Being in hospital is like being a student. You lie in bed all day and take drugs.
The old definition of "Chutzpa" is "the quality dipslayed by a man who, after
murdering both his parents, cries 'have pity on me, I'm an orphan".
The new definition of "Chutzpa" is "An American chiding a Briton for
being slow to join WWII".
Stating the obvious is one of the hardest things to do.
Answering clear questions is easy; stating questions clearly is difficult.
Scientists have achived more with uncertainty than philosophers have with certainty.
Amsterdam: If you can remember what it looks like, you were never there.
Britain: Who need culture when you have soccer ?
The British tolerate vile perversions so long as you keep them to yourself. This chiefly applies to intellectuality.
In Britain, religion is more of a private matter than sex.
Eastbourne: where they bury people standing up at bus-stops.
Yorkshire is Britains biggest county; it needs to be to accomodate all the egos.
Brighton: Be right-on. Or else.
Birmingham: It'll be nice when it's finished.
Before long, anyone who visits Birmingham wishes someone would invent a bomb that destroys buildings and leaves people standing.
Wolverhapton: Birmingham's envious neighbour.
Bavaria. Where lunch is half a pig.
Liverpool: Wallets lifted with a quip.
Liverpudlians: as light fingered as they are quick-witted.
Blackpool: Where "cheerful" met "vulgarity"
Brighton; Where the major industries: hair plaiting, shiatsu.
Brighton: Pink pounds, green politics, red leb.
Norfolk: All men are brothers. Literally.
Amsterdam: Where potheads meet canals.
The Dutch sense of humour is to serve up drugs in a city full of canals.
California: Where the tans are real, and the smiles are fake.
New Orleans: The Big Squeegee
Australia: The nation that lives abroad
The Australians are a very generous nation of people who selflessly travel to other countries in order
to tell anyone who will listen, and most people who won't, how great their homeland is.
Belgium: Where invading armies are asked to take a number and leave the place tidy when they have finished.
Britain: a nation of shoplifters.
Paris: Pretentieux, nous ?
Holland: Where the language is a phlegmatic as the people.
Brighton: Bastard child of Barcelona and Blackpool
Greece: Laurels get pretty flat if you sit on them for 2,500 years.
Tunbridge Wells: England at its littlest.
Luxembourg: The place Belgians laugh at.
Britain: Where intellectual is a dirty word.
Sussex: Where ups are called downs.
(thanks to Anna Jane from Leeds)
Brighton: where people who wouldn't touch a Big Mac beause of the "chemicals" will take any drug going.
Only nations that don't play soccer think the British are intelligent.