Why It sucks to be me....
1. I don't get any action....Nobody wants to fuck the devil.
2. Nobody ever recognizes me because I'm not carrying a pitchfork. Now I have to drag that thing around with me everywhere because of you human smartasses and your "impressions of what Satan should look like".
3. Hell is fucking humid. People think it's the heat down here....But it's really the humidity.
4. Nobody laughs at any of my fucking jokes...They're too scared of me 'cause I'm the "Devil".
5. Anton LeVay keeps asking me for shit....He thinks 'cause he worshipped me while he was alive he deserves something. Yeah, sure!
6. Since being banished to hell, I can't fly anymore.
7. Everyone in hell, including myself, is subjected to syphilis....Now THAT is punishment.
8. Hitler won't shut the fuck up.
9. Everybody thinks I'm an asshole.
10. Jesus doesn't love me anymore.
11. I can't rent porno because they won't give me a membership. Why, I asked them....They said, "Because you're the devil."
12. The only people who worship me are assholes.
13. Jesus has all the holidays where people worship him. I get Halloween, where people dress up like retards and beg for candy....What kind of shit is that?!
14. When they execute criminals, you know where they go? HERE. Like we don't have enough pricks in hell.
15. My thighs chafe.
16. All my pets die of heat exhaustion. It's depressing.
17. The pizza guy won't deliver here.
18. I won't get to see the new Star Wars movie.
19. I did get to see the new Star Wars movie....but only the parts with Jar Jar in them. AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
20. I have third degree burns on my penis.
