Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in  hamburger; neither  apple  nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't  invented  in  England  or   French   fries   in France. Sweetmeats are
candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
            We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand  can  work  slowly, boxing  rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
            And  why  is  it  that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
grocers  and   hammers  don't  ham ? If   the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural  of booth,  beeth ? One  goose, 2 geese. So  one moose, 2   meese ? One index, 2 indices ?
            Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not  one amend, that you  comb through annals of history but not a single annal ? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
            If  teachers  taught, why  didn't preacher praught ? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what  does  a humanitarian eat ? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue ?
           Sometimes I think all the English  speakers  should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital ? Ship  by  truck and send cargo by ship ? Have noses that run and feet that smell ? Park on driveways and drive on parkways ?
           How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites ? How  can  overlook  and  oversee  be   opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike ?
           How can weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.
           Have  you  noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent ? Have  you  ever  seen  a  horseful  carriage or a strapful gown ? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love ? Have you ever run into someone who has combobulated, gruntled, ruly  or peccable ? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly ?
           You  have  to  marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as  it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
           English  was  invented  by  people, not  computers, and  it  reflects  the creativity of the  human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when  the  lights  are  out, they  are  invisible. And  why, when  I  wind  up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

     by Richar Lederer