Poetry From a Broken Soul
The Power Builds...* -- June 5, 1998
The power builds,
The Earth gives rise.
The structure comes crashing down
Before unbelieving eyes.
The people scream
To no avail
The deaths come quickly
From Heaven's furied hail.
The politics got in the way.
Ego did supercede.
So is the fate of all that tempt
Gaea's given creed.
Men think themselves above the gods
And tempt the hands of Fate,
But often find their paths' end
Not but wrought with hate.
The Little Match Girl (another freehand) -- June 6, 1998
She stood on the street
And then sat down
Finally she lie down
And died where she was at.
To Parents who hurt her
She fraught to return
'Less her little matches
Be sold to burn.
So all alone
And all but dead
In the streets of London
She quite lost her head.
Her grandmother came
To usher her through
To the other side
For this child true.
This thin pale body
Still in the snow
Nobody noticed
No one looked low.
The child who starved
And froze till her end
Might have been saved if
One rich person would bend.
And Here I Lie...(My sorry attempt at free verse (I DETEST modern conventions!!!!!) -- June 7, 1998
And here I lie awake at night
I look up at the ceiling and wish
I were beneath the moon and the stars
With little bugs buzzing all around me as I did not sleep.
But commodoties surround me.
I try to ignore them, but they persist.
I try to scream them away from me,
But how do you banish darkness at night?
This is the night.
The night is outside, but it is inside too.
The outside is beauty and nature.
The inside is neon and technology.
So I sleep inside cause I have to
But I know that when Im free
I will run into the fields and lay there
For years and years and never get up.
And someday someone shall find me
Thin and sick on the outside
But on the inside full and strong
Because Gaea loves me and knows I love her.
Because I ran to my true Mother
And to my Mother I shall return.
Materialism (submission to SaintLucifer's Site) -- June 9, 1998
Why do people pretend
That others matter more
When all one really needs
Is one friend, not a score?
People whine and cry and plea
For praise and love an pity
Yet make no thought that they might be
There own shadow in the city.
"Im dying" is a common wail,
Depression is a trend.
And others, far more destitute
Face a smothered end.
Problems are not what you thing
More than half the time,
But all those minutes in the sink,
And no such thought crossed your mind.
To be sad gains attention,
What ev'ry human needs.
But when attention is a spoil,
On your own idiocy you feed.
A Poem I Wrote Which Is My Own -- June 9, 1998
In my life, I've seen the sun
The greatest movie scenes,
And yet when all is said and done,
The best is yet to be seen.
Miracles of Nature and
Miracles of Man
Do not resemble what Miracle
Holds the strongest hand.
All the greatest foods
Have passed these ruby lips;
A droplet of the finest wine
Still from my goblet drips.
I stand on top of this gifted world
And see the rising sun.
I see banners of beauty unfurled,
Proofs Mother will us not shun.
I love all this
Yet look for more
I search for bliss,
A hidden door.
And when at night
I sit at my desk with ink
And paper (or comp) and begin to write
I also begin to truly think.
This is where Im most content
Letting my free mind run.
Nothing others have crafted for me
Could possibly be more fun.
Nothing more beautiful or whole
Nothing touches it.
This is my heart's control
And from there is where I most benefit.
Awards... -- June 10, 1998
The golden disc on my breast,
The laurel wreath on my brow
Give my heart a needed swell,
As through the crowd I plow.
My family rushes to find me
And pluck me from that crowd
And deem me as their own,
Though my actions had never been allowed.
I smile at the podium
I purr into the mic.
I look at faces glowing at me:
Young, old, friends, family, and the like.
And I stand above them,
Even as they stand below
I grin and make a hidden wave
And my pride starts to grow.
What lands I shall go to!
What things I shall see!
Just because theses judges made
A mistake and gave THIS to ME!!
A Ponderance -- June 14, 1998
Here is the problem
Which I must present:
Must you love all your brethen
or be allowed to resent?
Should you begrudge them?
Swallow your pride?
Keep all your anger
Deep down inside?
Or should you let go,
Do what feels RIGHT?
Follow your instinct
Pummel or indicte?
To let it slide,
To let it be,
To be taken advantage of
And have your soul free?
To go for blood,
To take revenge so sweet,
Be thought a bully,
But your instincts entreat?
Is the "animal" of your body
Or the "civilization" of your mind
The tru dominant spirit
Or should both be combined?
Should Chaos rule
Or blind contempt?
Should sinners be punished
Or should all be exempt?
Pure Azure -- Unknown Date
I look up and I see the sky
Pure azure, no clouds.
I want my mommy and dont know why...
My mind is covered over in lazy shrouds.
I stretch out under this lovely dome,
Perfect and forever.
It keeps me, protects me, declares itself home
Nothing to me its perfection does sever.
Its up there...and there...its all around
The globe around the globe
Keeping careful distance from the ground
How unimportant seems Moshe and Job!
The heavens, the eternity, the perfection of a clear day...
One tiny fragment of the universe
Yet how grand....she envelopes her charges and seems to say:
"I am life. Nothing can buy me, no man nor purse."
Such purity who brings divine blue light
On such a lazy, hot afternoon
Cannot be reproached, should not have to fight
Nor yeild to night so soon.
I close my eyes, but its still in my mind
My safety, love, my joy.
And eternity Im likely to find
No longer will petty things annoy
Now Ive seen....truly seen...the sky.
Silent Scream (Brandon) -- Date Unknown
Hatred out of love
Thats how its supposed to happen
From bliss into dread.
That is my silent scream
When life is bleak
After Atman acheived
After purity of truth
You lie in reality deceived.
How Id love to throw my head back and howl
Into the recesses of the night
How Id love to beat my chest and tear my hair
If only my Paradox would look around.
Daydream... (Carlos) -- March 21, 1999
I close my eyes to capture his smile
Feel his soft, cool hand on my warm cheek
Feel his hot breath on my neck
Feel his perfect lips against my forehead
Hear his voice, his laugh
Smell his cologne...so familiar.
Gods, I still remember the last time he hugged me
How his arms held me just so
How my heart stopped beating in the hopes time would stop too.
I remember his last joke
How my ears savored it like a poor boy savors a chocolate truffle
How his warm voice sent good shivers down my spine.
But he's got a girlfriend.
And they're happy together.
And the girlfriend is a sweetheart.
I cant get angry at anyone or anything.
Ain't life a bitch?
Beautiful Dreamer... -- June 17, 1999
When the Beautiful Dreamer dreams poison dreams
Wakes up to the sounds of his or her own screams,
And the world only laughs and taunts the wretch'd child,
The once Beautiful Dreamer's eye becomes wild.
Paranoid, dissappointed, hateful with woe,
Angry at the world that wouldn't let sweet dreams go.
Cheaters, haters, greedy, horrid, petty kids
Will never know the harm that their cruel games did.
See, me,I gave up on dreaming long ago...
THEY teased me when I bid my dreams, by day, show.
Pretending to love me or even to care,
They'd soon brush me off; after them, pained, Id stare.
I dont dream pretty dreams anymore, although
The poison in my head I can still feel grow.
Maybe Ill learn to play the game like they do,
To tease a dreamer and break his heart in two.
Im done trying to support the damned things now.
My dream-energy is not for them to plow.
SO...I wont talk to you or YOU anymore.
Ill not tell you to keep your sweet dreams in store.
No comfort or sweet support will I provide.
Why should I give half a damn? Im dead inside.
He Is SO Not My Type -- June 23, 1999
Tis NOT far better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all!
For losing love is too dear a cost,
Too great a distance to fall.
Too easily do I fall in love,
Too hard do I fall out.
Too many times Ive assumptions made
Only to too soon be put out.
My newest love, my truest love
Is so honest and so bare
As delicate as the mourning dove,
He's sure to drive me spare!
My love before was too old,
And a bit too freaky for my taste.
My crush before THAT was...perfect,
Save that from me he remained chaste.
The love before, my first...
The apple of my eye,
The sugar in my teacup,
(His name still draws a sigh),
Was slime, was scum, a hateful wretch!
He who made the angels fly,
Also made his affections stretch
To four girls along with I.
My younger, more innocent loves,
Were met with ruder awak'nings still.
One spread lies behind my back,
The other set to breaking my arm with a will.
Am I love's plaything?
His little mortal toy?
Something only here
To give capricious Eros joy?
Or did I wreak his wrath,
By my choice to be chaste?
Did he wish to gravely rectify
My descision made in haste?
So painful are Love's slings and arrows
I'd rather I'd kept my heart at home,
But no thanks to the cruel Eros,
It's hopelessly wild and free to roam.
~*KAZ*~
Does it Hurt? -- July 4, 1999
Does it hurt to be dead?
To be forgotten?
When your love leaves you
Without warning
Does it hurt?
Does it hurt to be a thing?
Forgotten on the wayside
Left without a care?
Only the care a body gives themselves?
Does it hurt?
I think Ive been abandoned.
I think Im almost gone.
You are what people see
And when they stop seeing
Does it hurt?
I dont want to be forgotten
Not by you, not yet.
There's no one to take your place
No one or thing I want more.
But if there was
Would it hurt?
A Little Time Off... -- July 4, 1999
You took a little time off
To figure things out
And let things pile up.
You never came back.
I stayed awake wondering
What I did, why you left.
You never told me why
And now you dont care.
You left, youre free...
Not just of me...of the whole damned thing.
But you left me behind
A crutch left in the fire
An angel left in the dust
Not that Im an angel
Because angels dont saunter
Not with demons.
Im here. Youre there.
You're free. Im dead.
But you were my memory
And you left.
My purpose served,
But yours unfulfilled.
You took a little time off
Only a little time
But now the little time is forever
And the work is buried, stifled.
Anything that might have been
Is gone, no more.
Too far gone to dig up again.
But...but my skeleton, essence
Waits still...
Beneath the tons of Things to Do,
Im buried, still waiting for you
To complete me.
Aftertaste -- July 4, 1999
I ate out my heart.
Bitter, my friend, bitter indeed.
But I like bitter.
Its my bitter.
I was nursed on bitter milk
Weaned on bitter bread.
Tasted bitter things each day
And lived a bitter life.
Sweet things were so foreign...
A treat...the rarest treat of all.
I took the sweetness offered
And only tasted the biterness after the fall.
So yes, my face is bitter.
Yes, my mouth is puckered in
All Ive ever really tasted was bitterness
You are what you eat.
I am bitter. I know nothing else.
I do not want to be your friend.
Your sweetness would only inhibit my bitterness.
Do not try to befriend the bitter old woman.
Do not try to find my secret sweet side.
Someone killed THAT off long ago.
They forced me to eat out my heart.
And my heart was mostly bitter.
And it was the best thing I ever tasted.
Fantasy (An Actual Rhyming Poem (I Hope)) -- July 4, 1999
I closed my eyes and parted my lips
A white rose traveled from my nose to fingertips
I close my fingers around the long stem
And opened my eyes to see what treasures met them.
My prince was there, brooding and true
You swore not to hurt me if Id not hurt you.
I gave my oath like a foolish girlish thing
Announced it to all and let rumors ring.
I was carried gently to the castle in the sky
Where no evil might touch us, no foe, no lie.
But evil was brought within our own hearts.
You broke your solemn oath and I in hatred spat poisoned darts.
Our treacheries now stand in the purifying light
That only comes out on the darkest night.
I will leave your castle and you must leave my dreams.
And live forever on our own, waking up to our own horrified screams
Pins and Needles -- August 9, 1999
A prick of jealousy
A stab of pain
A drop of joy
From a ravaged vein.
Emotionally beaten
And dragged through hell
Then dissappeared
Till I started to feel well
Now my tormentor's back
My love and my joy
Is this one last kick
Savagely given a broken toy?
Or will you pick me up
Brush me off and start anew
Say youre sorry, mean it
And take me home with you?
I See You...A Whisper -- August 16, 1999
You came back...
You're here.
But its not the same
Youre so distant
Do you remember my name?
I watch you at parties
From a distance
So light and so free
Exactly the same
Save that you ignore me.
When you first returned
You made your vows again
Told me it'd be something
We'd never had before
Well, its true. Ignoring.
An occasional compliment.
Maybe a nod. Maybe a small smile
Is all I have to know
You remember once in a while
So I hide behind the curtain
And watch you from afar
See you move among your friends
Remember the things you told me
How true love never ends...
So I am just a child
A young one cast aside
An experiment, a plaything
Someone to practice on
Who now is forced to hide.
I feel like youre a deer
Skittish and afraid
Of something I dont know
But when I try to pet you
Further away you go.
~*CRAIG*~
I wish... -- October 10, 1999
I wish you could say...it.
I wish you could mean...it.
I wish there was something I could do
To make you forget...it...happened before,
To make you forget how much...it...hurt you.
No more dancing around...it.
No more hinting and playing at...it.
It...It...It...It.
Us... -- October 14, 1999
Art thou my God?
Am I thy whore?
Wilt thou rule me?
Will I sleep by thy door?
Wilt thou treasure me?
Take me to thy bed?
Wilt thou cast me out
When thy appetite is fed?
Will I stand for it?
Take that abuse?
In the hopes of thy
Idle pleasuring use?
I must love thee,
Be at thy beck and call
Thou might do as thou wishest
Favor me, or not at all.
A Love Note -- October 14, 1999
Craig:
I love you,
I love you,
I love you.
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
I love you.
I want to hug
And kiss
And nuzzle
And cuddle you.
I want to lick your cheek,
Nip your jaw,
Suckle on your throat
And then it'll be your turn.
Lover's Song In a Film Class -- October 14, 1999
It's cold in this theatre
It's warm in your arms
I wish I was there right now.
I love all your touches
I thrill at your voice
I yearn for your comforting ways.
Sleep... -- Unknown/November 1999
Eyes flutter closed
Lashes brush cheeks
Soul escapes
While body sleeps.
Soul and mind fly
Free up above
Seeing and dreaming
Up horrors and love.
Drink up dreams
Of despair and hope,
Faith and distrust,
Doors closed and ope.
In deepest night
Mind meets another
Of lover or friend,
Enemy or brother
Two souls entangle
Mingle, mix, entwine
Have random adventures
In no plotted line
Down on world below
Mortal bodies in repose
Behind clos-ed lids
True poetry flows.
~*NO ONE IN PARTICULAR*~
Art -- Untitled/November 1999
I would that I could draw
Anything I chose!
A drop of blood, a sigh,
Winter frost on a rose.
True lovers' love
A most deceitful lie
The softness of a dove
A mishap of first try.
A circle would be nice
Or even a straight line
As long as its precise
And the artist's hand was mine.
My Daddy -- February 1, 2000
When my daddy is angry
He’s a lion who roars.
When my daddy is happiest,
He’s an eagle who soars.
When my daddy’s businesslike,
He’s more like a fox.
He’s a rabbit when he eats
Bagels, but declines lox.
My daddy is funny
Like a monkey or clown;
Not even the groans of his victi—uh?audience
Can keep his puns down.
My daddy’s a lot like an owl:
He’s really smart and works all night.
He reads lots of books
And tries to fight the good fight.
My daddy’s my shepherd,
My advisor, my friend.
My daddy’s my daddy
And he’ll be that till the end.
Hurt -- February 12, 2000
My heart hurts today.
The accusations make me cry.
Im too tired to cope or deal.
They know it's not my fault,
I know it's not my fault.
Why wont they apologize?
Why wont my heart heal?
I want to sleep or scream.
I want to hit someone
And I want to cuddle.
I want to run away.
I want to stay here
And feel sorry for myself.
When your heart hurts
Your brain is a muddle.
Why are they so quick
To direct their anger at me?
Why cant they ever pause
To see what's so obvious?
Why do I let it get to me?
I know I really oughtn't.
But I threw a tantrum already
And I havent the strength
To do it again.
So I'm just tired.
And my heart still hurts.
Good Sleep -- March 28, 2000
Sleep fast, sleep tight,
Dont let bed-monsters bite
Close eyes, good dreams,
Nightmares are so real it seems.
Prayers said, warm bed
Die before wake, soul will leave head.
Bedtime for bonzoette!
Nature v. Nurture -- November 15, 2000
It's stronger than both of us, but weaker than one,
What we've made together I have undone.
It kept drawing us closer and closer still,
Though I didn't want you and I never will.
You are what I need, I'm on what you depend
Against those expectations, I cannot defend.
Guilt fills my mind, with...that...in my soul.
That damned emotion I cannot control.
You give me your body, your heart and support;
Heed my every command, my unholy cohort.
You assume no control, never use force,
A manner I find most cowardly coarse.
And yet so endearing, it strikes at my heart
And makes it so very hard for me to depart.
I hate to be tied, but I want to be owned
By a man who would not mewl if I moaned.
But I'm taking a stand, cutting elastic ties,
Praying that someday...that...emotion dies.
I do this with pain, but I do it with glee.
You may damn well be crushed, but at least I am free.
Work in Progress -- November 15, 2000
I’m not your mother. I’m not your queen.
I think I am someone you haven’t seen.
I’m hardly the jovial leader you envision,
I never could make a sound, unsafe decision.
I can’t be a goddess, I haven’t the face,
Nor the power, strength, and never the grace.
I’m coarse and weak and small and scared.
My body’s broken and I’m emotionally impaired.
My mind is hazy and lazy and stupid and crude.
My humor’s not pure, it is oftentimes overly lewd.
I’m much better fitted to being a pawn
Than I am to being a deity over whom people fawn.
BUT, if you follow me and do as I say,
Give weekly devotion and just to me pray,
Love me and shower me with lovely things,
Like books and music and art and gold rings,
Well, I will be glad of all this love,
And will promise you Salvation, dearest dove.
Four Days -- September 16, 2001
How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways:
I love the more than the air I breathe
And more than sunny days
I love thee more than sea loves moon
And more than book loves words
I love thee more than a bride loves June
And more than sheep love herds
I love thee more than thou lovest me
For all thou wast so devout
And when I am away from thee,
Happiness my life is without.
O, dearest love, who wast so kind
Return again my idolatry
For though thy heart is misaligned
My sights will never be.
Poem to the Whore -- November 5, 2001
Aphrodite, goddess mighty,
Who brings gods to their knees,
Nails down feet o'th' flighty,
You who are born of Cretian seas
You who punish women, all
With Pandora's heart within,
To suffer at they golden call
And die for want of sin,
You who rides white swans
And washes i' crimson foam,
Hides olive-pink flesh i' golden bonds,
Resides in silver eternity's home,
You who above even Zeus
Wields power most great,
Wraps divine hearts in silken noose
And leads them to direst Fate,
Leave alone poor heart of mine!
Release me from thy gaze!
I suffer from lusts divine
Under thy spell'd, hated haze.
I want for what I cannot own;
He will not belong to me.
Free my heart and break my bone,
But please let thy slave go free!
Back in the Saddle -- November 11, 2001
Dropped like a bad habit,
Left down in the dust
Abandoned on the roadside
Tied to train tracks by lust
I picked me back up
And dusted off my skirts
And hitched a ride home
And freed my heart from hurts
But I can't mount that horse
Can't find new love anywhere
Within my own heart or without,
Your sweet care was more than rare
I'm dying to be pretty now
Killing myself to be fine
What I've always never wanted
I now seek to make it mine
For beauty and affection
I slowly file myself down
Until I at last become the most
Beautiful and sweetest ghost in town.
A Slice -- December 11, 2001
What we never had
What we never knew
It played hell on me
It was great for you
You feel all better
I'm still unfulfilled
My heart is bleeding
For the love you killed.
All that mourning blood
Its rotting in me,
I can feel its stench
You don't hear or see.
Here is a real slice
Of dead paradise
Ain't the color nice?
Thanks. It's been a slice.
Screwed. -- December 12, 2001
In love with one who wont love.
In lust with one who wont lust.
He whom I love loves another...
Taunts me with her invisibility
With his silence, with his kiss
One mine to treasure for always
The other never in my presence.
Him I lust for lusts for no one
Commits himself to his own Hell
Wont bless me with sinful grace
When he does, shames me to hide
My face and feel pain not love.
Two boys, one me, three plains.
One is worshipped but loves her
One is content within his mind.
And me, alone, sad, in-between.
Feral -- December 14, 2001
Remove the stopper
And the chains
And Genie is free
From living pains
But learning pains
Those hurts are new
Doctors, teachers
Inflict on you
People wish, rub
Open old wounds
Pass you around
Your sense impugnes
Do pretty tricks
Creature magic,
'Til this world leaves
Your life tragic.
Starchild -- February 19, 2002
Child of the stars,
Dancing, whirling in midair
Child of no home
Babe raised without care.
Free and lonely eternity
Passing 'neath your feet
No home to lie down in
No elders to entreat.
Pretty child, pretty soul
At one with cosmic love
Pretty dancer in the raf
Born of naught above.
Annoyance -- March 21, 2002
Could you find a more annoying place
To shun the world and hide your face?
Could you find a more inconvenient spot
To curl up and mourn your living lot?
Could you not study tucked away
Where I might need to step some day?
Could you please just not be found
Anywhere in the world around?
A New Life (para la hermana de Sapo y su esposo novio) -- April 22, 2003
Sublime is the precious birth of spring
When new livesw emerge and first behold light~
So long as the winter frosts melt away
To the greens of fresh joy bursting, full-formed,
From cruel, lonely greys and undriven white;
So will thy bond circle, spread eternal.
Though solstice comes, equinox follows close.
Though stars change, never will firmament fade.
Though dark-hung clouds loom and clash, storms will break
And leave love and earth once more clean and new.
Return to Us