I wrote the story when I was 16... Here it is:
"Heresy is not an option." This was the usual thought that Julian, a young man of
eighteen, forced himself to ponder. Yet he couldn't bring himself to believe it. Heresy was an
option, one many people before him had chosen. The way he saw it, being what people liked to
term a "heretic" was the only way he could be. To look around… to see all of the followers - he
could not bring himself to go along with it. Julian rested on his stool on the wood and dirt floor
and laughed bitterly to himself, "Or perhaps they are the smart ones. After all, it is they who
survive in the long run." Subarita, his beloved, looked up from the fire, where she was intently
boiling some stew for the two of them.
"What's that?" she asked.
"Look outside," Julian answered in a husky voice, "You can see it in all of them."
Subarita set down the spoon she had been using to stir the stew and stood behind Julian,
rubbing his tense shoulders. She kissed him on the cheek and said softly, "But you know we must
keep quiet."
After the two had eaten their meal, Subarita thought it would be best for her to leave.
They were both still quite young and didn't want any possibility of trouble because of the
sensational nature of the people nearby. They both knew well how everyone liked to watch.
Julian sat awhile longer after Subarita had left, still mulling over the same things as before.
It was constantly on his mind - worrying him, sometimes even reducing him to a paranoid state in
which he could not think. That is where Subarita came in. Subarita was stronger than he was;
she did not give in to her nerves.
The next morning, Julian got up as usual and did his days' work. He worked at masonry,
mainly fixing and building things around town. Julian enjoyed his work and found it satisfying,
but often became agitated by the attitudes of those around him. Since society had been like this
for as long as Julian could remember, he had always assumed that he was 'different'. Then he had
met Subarita; the most intelligent, beautiful and understanding girl Julian could have hoped for.
Together they stood against the world, and although their thoughts could not be made known to
anyone else, Julian and Subarita's bond gave them the strength to face what they felt was an
unending chain of euphemised massacre.
That night, Subarita visited Julian again and the two had dinner together. This time, she
was convinced that nobody had seen her come in, so she and Julian decided together that it would
be safe for her to stay the night. Even as the two made love to each other they had to keep quiet
in order to feel sure that no neighbours or passers-by could hear what was taking place.
Subarita slipped out very early the next morning, sure that the entire town was still fast
asleep. By the end of that very day, she knew that such had not been the case. Subarita was
arrested on a charge of heresy. A man on the other side of town had seen her running quietly
through town very early in the morning while he was at his window praying. Subarita assumed
that he had taken her for a whore, or perhaps a young woman who was mixed up in some sort of
nightly cult rituals. The man would not be suspected of a thing so long as he turned others in to
Torquemada and his party.
Subarita repeatedly tried to explain herself to the authorities, but no one would accept
what she had to say. The selective hearing and irrationality of all the people she pleaded to toyed
with Subarita's temper. She was frustrated, agitated and above all, extremely fearful.
After a few days' stay in a filthy, rough prison, Subarita's anxieties had multiplied. The
horror of the situation appalled her, and this time, Julian could not be there to comfort her.
It was not until another week had gone by that Julian started to seriously worry about
Subarita. They had been out of contact for lengthy periods of time before, because often work or the state
of the town interfered with people's lives. Julian had tried repeatedly during the last week to
harness his worries, but he felt that they were justified somehow. Subarita hadn't left under the
best circumstances. He hadn't seen her before she left, because she didn't want to wake him.
Julian had not heard anything at all from her in a week, and to his knowledge there was no reason
why it should be any longer. All of these things had been deeply unsettling Julian, and now he
couldn't hold the ideas or the panic back any longer. The feeling overcame him quickly, first
flooding his mind and then spreading through his body. Julian curled himself into a chair, sweaty
and trembling, and when the feeling began to subside, he wished helplessly that he could drift into
sleep and have everything go away.
Julian awoke the next morning to excited cries and shouting. "What's it about this time?"
he groaned aloud to himself, still groggy with sleep, but feeling better than the night before. The
town usually only got this excited when there was to be an auto-da-fe in the nearby city. That is
to say one of the public closing ceremonies - the execution of unrepentant heretics.
Julian got up and dressed himself. He went outside and quickly shielded his eyes,
squinting; the sudden brightness of the sun was blinding. He pulled an acquaintance aside and
asked what all of the fuss was about. "There is one being held right here in our own town!" the
man replied enthusiastically. "You know, a ceremony."
Julian felt sick. All this confirmation served to do was bring that useless anger forth at his
society once again. He wished he knew where Subarita was, she could always be counted on to
understand and to talk with Julian about his unorthodox feelings and ideas. It was the one thing
that no one else could ever be allowed to know about him. People were not to be trusted.
Julian decided to attend the execution, despite the fact that he abhorred and opposed the
entire concept of it. It would be good for his image, and it was possible that he would find
Subarita there as well. Julian walked slowly, his shoulders hunched forward, in contrast to all of
the bustling red-faced Catholics who were in a great hurry to catch as much of the slaughter as
possible.
He approached the town square. Apparently the killing had already started. Julian
watched with contempt as the unrecognisable remains of a charred body and stake were carried
away. The next beam of wood was pounded into the newly made fire pit as all the townspeople
cheered.
A few people ahead of Julian someone uttered the name "Subarita." Panic seized his heart
and his skinny chest and shoulders trembled. He pushed forward with apprehension to ask why
the person had uttered that name.
Julian stumbled backward in shock, fear, and amazement. "How could it…? They don't
go… Have to wait… She was the only one…" His words were barely intelligible, his voice
faltered and cracked without his consent. "It's true, she was an unusually quick case," remarked
one of the local priests from beside him offhandedly. "I hear it was because she became very
defiant."
Julian's emotions seeped in and twined themselves over his mind's control, as he stood
stunned in this hilarious scene of consecrated murder. He no longer cared if they all knew, for his
and Subarita's struggle had now been entirely in vain. All remaining purpose had vanished, and
the only thing Julian had to hold on to was the searing ache that pulsed in his consciousness, overriding all
of his jumbled thoughts. From the outer fringes of the crowd he pleaded, only knowing what he
was saying after he heard himself scream it. Every head turned in his direction. "All of you are
fools! Do you not see what this, your existence, is truly like? It is time for truth to be felt, and
for people who wish it to be free! Would you place your precious herd religion above human life
and liberty? Is it justifiable to say that it is God's Will to have you 'cleanse the world' of thousands
of fellow human beings?"
Julian breathed heavily and his eyes scanned the mob of people before him. Subtly, every
few metres, town and religious officials emerged and began to approach him. They moved swiftly
and closed in as if Julian were their prey. Julian started to run blindly, filled with a desperate need to
escape, not consciously aware of where he was going or for what purpose.
When he came upon his home, Julian knew what it was he wanted to do. He quickly went
inside and grabbed his small dagger. Glancing around, he could not help but to think of the time
he had spent in this home with Subarita... Sharply cutting off the thoughts and deluding himself,
Julian forced himself into a numb calmness with the strangely serene thoughts of a madman. He
walked back to the front of his home and patiently awaited the arrival of those who were chasing
him, dagger in hand.
It was not only the officials that came. There was a throng of townspeople with them as
well. Julian spoke in measured tones, restraining himself, "Don't let them lead you blind, you
must see that this killing is wrong. I can only hope that someday, people will be free to live for
themselves..."
Then he turned his dagger on himself, slitting cleanly across his own throat.
The people watching looked around at one another slowly - not quite sure how to act -
then back at the bleeding figure before them. In a matter of thirty seconds Julian was dead.
The officials moved forward to retrieve the body and clean up the mess. All of the others
hung back, whispering among themselves.
One woman said "It's too bad he didn't believe in the power of the Lord, he could have
been saved. But crazy men like that, we're better off without them. Damned heretic."
All of the people in the circle agreed.
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© 1997 astro_gemari@excite.com
I wrote this story because... well, it was due for english class... but the IDEA behind it is my contempt for the things that were done in the name of Catholicism during the Inquisitions, as well as my own beliefs about religion.
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