Screening Exam for Team S&M Membership

Please answer the following questions:

1. A rough translation of the Team S&M motto, "Veni Vedi Libari Colabi" would be:

"Please pass the salad."
"Then, the midgets showed up, and things got really ugly"
"I came, I saw, I drank, I fell down."

2. In 1990, while trying to outperform a Team S&M member in a contest of physical prowess, world-class fencing master Soren Saitok of Romania collapsed to the ground, having:
twisted his ankle.
embarrased himself.
blown out the ligaments of his right knee, thereby ending his fencing career, and crippling him for life.

3. When confronted by Flounder about the damage done to his brother's car, Otter diffused the situation by replying:
"We are all deeply and profoundly saddened by last night's events, and will do everything in our power to set things right."
"Gee, Kent, we're really sorry about all those dents."
"Face it, Flounder, you fucked up... You trusted us!"

4. Guns is:
the beginning of a grammatically incorrect sentence.
...oops, I mean, ARE dangerous.
funs.

5. What do Arnold Schwarzeneggar, Fidel Castro, and Winston Churchill have in common?
All speak English, but with great difficulty.
All cigar aficionados.
Both of the above.

6. What is the brand name of Fidel Castro's favorite cigar?
Backwoods Smokes
Colonel Stinky's Dime-A-Dozen Stogies
Cohiba

7. The official high-powered modern-era revolver of Team S&M is a:
Magnetic Rail Gun.
Crossman "Li'l Enforcer" pellet gun.
Smith & Wesson .357 Magnum w/ 4" barrel

8. Who uttered the phrase "Ramming Speed!!"?
Otter, while discussing with Boone his plans for Marlene Desmond that evening.
Bluto, after ripping the folk guitar out of Steven Bishop's hands.
D-Day, while at the helm of the Deathmobile.

9. The preferred alcoholic malt-based beverage and ceremonial libation of Team S&M is:
"Pud Wiper"
"Swiller Genuine Crap"
"Coors" (or, if in South Korea,"Cass")

10. "The Fox", a popular nightclub owner/performer in Los Angeles, regularly consumes full-sized mugs of beer in less than:
10 seconds
5 seconds
1 second (Hint: Trust us, we've witnessed it... he's our hero...)

11. When flying a sailplane, the four main types of lift one may encounter are Ridge, Shear, Wave, and:
Some Kind of Magic
I don't have a clue, but it's pretty scary
Thermal

12. Without an airspeed indicator, the most obvious sign that you are flying your sailplane too fast is:
The wings rip completely off, you plummet 15,000 ft. to the ground and die.
You actually start to get younger, even as your friends back on Earth age normally.
The wind noise across your canopy markedly increases.

13. The standard phrase used by pilots to keep a safe gap of time between drinking alcohol and flying their plane is:
"Keep 'em coming, Phil... I've gotta fly tomorrow morning."
"Hey! Wha's tha stick thingie? Gimmie da keysh.. (hic!)... I'll fly.."
"8 hours from the bottle to the throttle."
Note: As a firm policy, Team S&M consciously ignores any phrase, mnemonic or otherwise, which might intrude on our daily ritual of excessive nonstop alcohol consumption...

14. What is the nickname of Team S&M's official all-terrain vehicle, and what famous figure does the name honor?
"Traveler" (General Robert E. Lee of Civil War fame).
"Big Foot" (some guy who had an extremely large foot...).
"Rommel" (German WWII General Irwin S. Rommel, "The Desert Fox").

15. How many liters of American draft beer does it take to cause a 300 lb. biker to fall over?

2 Liters
3 Liters
4 Liters (Hint: see Team S&M Dive Bar Listing for "The Pen"

16. C.E.O. Jackson was almost mortally wounded while:

Performing a humanutarian rescue mission in Bosnia.
Teaching underprivilaged inner city kids to read.
Urinating, due to a breach in Team S&M Random Night Fire Rule Alpha 1 ("It's O.K. to shoot randomly into the darkness of the desert, as long as one of the members of your party has not announced "Hey. I'm going over by that tree to take a leak, so please don't shoot in THAT direction...")

17. When is it Miller Time?
When suffering from clinical dehydration.
When Miller specifically gives you permission.
NEVER!!!

Your Name:

Your E-mail Address:

Please give us any comments you may have, special achievements in your life that might be viewed favorably by the Team S&M Executive Pledge Committee, or any other information that you feel would be helpful in making a case for your admission as an associate Member of Team S&M.



By clicking on "SEND" below, your answers will be transmitted to the Team S&M Screening Lab in Cryzstklvnia, Ukraine for review and scoring. You will be notified of your status by E-mail within 1 week. Good Luck.




This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page