Tupac Amara Shukur, named Lesane Crooks at birth, may have been born to His mother, Alice Faye Williams, on June 16, 1971 (she was an activist, calling herself "Afeni Shakur" and was a member of the Black Panther Party), but a lot has changed since his "death".
Tupac and Biggie had made an appearance together on the Jerry Springer show in order to tell their story to the world. This happened shortly after their abduction. They were accompanied by the sympathetic alien Nigel.
The government and the M.I.B. (Men In Black) organization, suppressed all information about the taping. Sources say that Jerry Springer himself was even brainwashed so that he would forget about the incident. The only other person, besides our sources, who works for the show that has any memory of the taping is the security specialist, Steve. This is because Steve is really an alien!
We of the Children of the Thug Immortal have used our contacts to obtain a transcript of the taping along with some photographs.
THE FIRST PART OF THE TRANSCRIPT IS PROVIDED BELOW. SOME SPELLINGS OF
WORDS MAY HAVE BEEN EDITED IN ORDER TO PROVIDE A PROPER REPRESENTATION OF EBONICS AND OTHER
COLLOQUIAL DIALECTS.
**************************************
Jerry Springer: Welcome to the show. We're here with two guys who claim to be Tupac Shakur and
Biggie Smalls, and another guy who claims to be an alien named Nigel.
Audience: ahhhh (noises, laugher)
Springer: They say that Tupac and Biggie were abducted by aliens because the aliens have
a strong fetish foooorrrr HIP HOP! (Springer jestures to the stage)
(Audience laughs)
Springer: (to Shakur) So, Mr. Shakur, is it? You claim to be the now deceased gangster
rapper Tupac, correct?
Tupac Shakur: Yeah, that's right Jerry, it's me, dog, it's me. Some fake (bleep) aliens
tried to
make niggas think that I was dead, you know what I'm saying? They tried to do the same
thing to my nigga Biggie, but it's all good, doe. We ain't dead, we still kicking it!"
Springer: And you sir, you are...
Biggie Smalls: The B.I.G. baby brother. Word to the mutha. They tried to keep a
nigga on another planet, but we ain't gonna have it. Baby Baibay!
(Audience cheers)
Springer: Help me out here. According to our producer, you BOTH were abducted from aliens
from a planet called Yilamhar because these extraterrestrials had a love for rap music, right?
And you, sir, Nigel, are an alien from that planet, correct?
Nigel: Yes, Mr. Springer, that is correct. My people have been in love with form of
expression since it came into existence on your planet over two decades ago. We abducted
these two because we feel that they are icons of the form. We have been trying to duplicate
it on the homeworld for years, but we just do not have the lyrical skills that these two
gentlemen display in their music.
(crowd cheers. An attempt is made by a few women to rush the stage but it is held off by
security)
Springer: (to crowd) Settle down, settle down. (to guests) So, I guess a question that
many of us have is this: why did you all feel the need to come to the show?
Shakur: It's simple, Jerry; we wanted to let the world know that we still thugs and that
just because we ain't here in body don't mean we ain't here in spirit!
Nigel: Our coming to this show is my personal attempt to liberate them, Elvis, Lady Diana,
and other earth celebreties who have been taken by us against their will. One non-famous
African American Earth woman named Shanikwa has even been taken to our world after
being assimilated by the Borg.
Springer: (interjects) So the Borg are real?
Nigel: Yes, Mr. Springer, they are VERY real.
(Audience boos and cattle calls)
Springer: (to audience) Shhhh, come on nows guys, calm down. (to Nigel) I'm sorry, sir,
please continue.
Nigel: Thank you, Mr. Springer. These gentlemen
agreed to come with me on this show today to bring attention to this issue, but they know
that unless I return them to the homeworld after this taping, they, myself, and other
sympathizers from my species may face confinement or worse.
Springer: Yes, but if what you are saying is true, then weren't you taken against your will?
I mean, if it were ME, my freedom would be more important than anything else. Haven't you
all tried to escape or protest or something?
(Audience claps and yells affirmations)
Smalls: I tried to get out a couple of times, but I came up short. Besides, they told me
that I just had to drop a few rhymes and I'd get to come back. But these alien mother (bleep)
have manipulated things so well that they got my (bleep) selling more than it was than when
I was here on Earth. But after a while even that wasn't no good. So when I seen that they
wasn't gonna let me go even after doing a few tracks and everything I went on a hunger strike.
Springer: And how has that been going?
Smalls: It ain't working too tough, Jerry. Every time I get all Gandi-looking and (bleep),
they zap me with some God damn ray gun that make blow back up to my size again, man. But I
don't care, 'cause I figure they gonna get tired sooner or later and let me out.
Shakur: Nah, nigga, I think the only person who been zapping anything is you zapping down
those damn french fries they make on that planet, fool.
Smalls: What you say, nigga?
Shakur: You heard me! Yo, Jerry, (snicker) this fool actually think it's the ALIEN'S fault
that he still big even though he supposed to be on some hunger strike. He on a hunger strike alright--his
hunger striking the inside of a refrigarator every chance he get!
(Audience laughs)
Smalls: (angrily) So what the hell they keep shooting me for, then, huh mother (bleep).
(stands up and faces Shakur)
Shakur: (stands up face to face with Smalls) Nigga, it's probably the only way they know how
to keep your big ass from eating so much.
Smalls: Oh I see, now that we back on Earth you want to get jealous you little bitch mother
(bleep). (poking Shakur's chest with his finger) We said we was gonna put that beef (bleep)
behind us.
Shakur: Yeah, right. The only beef your big ass know about is on a sandwich, nigga.
Smalls: (shoves Shakur) Oh, so you talking (bleep) huh. Huh? Huh?
Shakur: (rebounds, stands shoulder to shouder with Smalls, both men circle each other) So
what's up, what you gonna do?
Smalls: What you gonna do?
Shakur: This you big fat mother (bleep)
(Shakur throws a flurry of punches and a melee breaks out. Shakur busts Smalls' lip. Nigel
the alien is accidentally knocked backwards off stage by a wild backhand when Smalls rears back
to grab Shakur. Smalls manages to put Shakur in a headlock until Shakur begins to turn
red and gasp for air. It takes six members of security to subdue Smalls and one to tackle
Shakur to the ground. Audience is in a boisterous uproar. Springer manages to avoid the
commotion and retreat to the rear of the audience.)
Audience chants: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Springer: (to Camera One) We'll be back with more after this break.
(Cue music. Audience gives a standing ovation and cheers. Cut to first commercial break.)
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The Thug Immortal and the Notorious B.I.G. continued with the rest of the show. According to our sources, there were numerous outbursts and melees between the two gentlemen. Nigel was hit by a chair accidentally and received a black eye. At that point they decided to end the show and Nigel was escorted with Tupac and Biggie back to his spaceship. They returned to Yilamhar.