The Thug Immortal made a later appearance on the show, this time with Diana and Shanikwa of Borg. They had appeared on the show to lay all rumors to rest a second time about the deaths of Tupac and Diana, and clear up the hype around the Borg assimilation attempts in the ghettos. But unfortunately, it turned into a "Springer-esque" episode in which Diana finally confronted Tupac about his relationship with Shanikwa.
The government and the M.I.B. (Men In Black) organization, suppressed all information about the taping. Sources say that Jerry Springer himself was even brainwashed again , and Steve, the bodyguard who is really an alien, was forced to watch repeated viewings of Fried Green Tomatoes and listen to Alanis Morrisette in order to be tortured for not having better control over the situation. According to our sources, too much exposure to wack rock and roll music can drive some Yilamharians mad. This is why none of the members of Hanson have yet to be abducted.
We of the Children of the Thug Immortal have used our contacts to obtain a transcript of the second Springer show as well.
PART OF THE TRANSCRIPT IS PROVIDED BELOW. SOME SPELLINGS OF
WORDS MAY HAVE BEEN EDITED IN ORDER TO PROVIDE A PROPER REPRESENTATION OF EBONICS AND OTHER
COLLOQUIAL DIALECTS.
**************************************
Springer: Welcome to the show. We're here with a man who claims to be Tupac Shakur.
According to him, he is NOT dead, he is STILL alive, and has been living on another planet
called Yilamhar. He says that he is not the only supposedly dead celebrety, and in fact,
claims to have ties with Lady Diana. He also says that the Borg are REAL, and that he
is also in contact with one of them as well, Please welcome, Tupac to the show. (gestures)
(Tupac Shakur enters and sits on the stage. Female members of the audience cheer wildly.)
Springer: (to Shakur) Hello Mr. Shakur, welcome. You say that aliens have been abducting and
or attempting to abduct celebreties, that the Borg have tried but failed to assimilate
African Americans, and I guess, well, all Americans--from the ghettos, and that you are
dating Princess Diana and also dated an African American Borg woman named Shanikwa,
correct?
(Audience chuckles)
Springer: (laughingly) Boy, that certainly is a lot, let me tell you!
(Audience laughs and claps lightly)
Shakur: (Smiling, looking down, head nodding) Yeah, Jerry, true dat. It's all true, playa, it's all true.
Springer: (aside) Player? But I don't play basketball or any other games very well for that matter.
(Audience chuckles)
Shakur: (laughingly) Nah, Jerry, I don't mean player like that, come on dog--
Springer: I know I'm just giving you a hard time. But please, continue, continue.
Shakur: Anyway, man, see, what happened was these space mother (bleep) got real love for
Hip Hop, so they came all this way to Earth just to pick a nigga up, 'gainst his will and
e'rything, so they can get they thug on back on they planet.
Springer: Thug on? I'm confused?
Shakur: What I mean is they like rap music so much they
(At this point a large, 50 something rural caucasian male stands up next to Springer,
and motions for the microphone to make a comment. Springer hands him the mic.)
Rural Caucasian Male: Whut makes yew thank some ail-leenz are gonna come all this way to
get a nigger like you or any other nigger to dew rap music. If had my way I'd make them
take you all back to Africa!
(Audience boos and cat calls. Some African American members of the audience stand up
and begin shouting. One large African American male lunges at the speaker. Tupac stands up and yells some expletives. He throws his chair
into the audience. It is caught by Steve. Security manages to quite down the
situation)
Springer: (moves away to the front of the stage and addresses the Rural Caucasian Male while
he is being escorted out of the rear exit by Steve) I'm sorry, sir, but I don't allow that
kind of abuse of my guests or that level or ignorance on my show. (Audience cheers).
(To Shakur), I'm sorry, Mr. Shakur, please continue.
Shakur: (sitting down after being restrained by members of security) It's all good, Jerry.
It's all good. He just wanna player hate. It's all good.
Springer: Tell us about the Borg in the Ghettos
Shakur: See, the Borg is for real y'all. They be trying to come up in the hood and take
niggas like they took me. The only reason they got to me is 'cause of Surge. Surge and
them set me up, man, for real! But the Borg know better than to try to come right out
and take a whole bunch of niggas.
Springer: Oh? Why is that?
Shakur: Cause they know they will catch a beat down!!! They tried to get large a few
years ago but they got they ass whipped. The only person that went off with them is Shanikwa.
Springer: Tell us about Shanikwa.
Shakur: (smiling slyly) She just my friend that's all. She alright, you know.
Springer: Well guess what, we have Shanikwa of Borg here with us. Ladies and Gentlemen, please
welcome SHAHHHH-NEE-KWA! (motions to the stage)
(Audience claps, Shanikwa of Borg walks on stage with a bouque of flowers. Shakur stands up
to receive the flowers and also receives a passionate hug and a kiss from the Borg Black woman.
Shanikwa sits in a chair to Shakur's right. Shakur sits down and places the flowers on the floor
in front of him)
Springer: Hello, Shanikwa of Borg.
Shanikwa of Borg: Hello, Jerry.
Springer: Now you claim that the Borg assimilated you, took you to another planet, Yilamhar,
and you later escaped. You escaped, I understand, because you wanted to date Tupac, correct?
Shanikwa: That's right Jerry. I was living large in my cube and stuff, but Tupac is
enough to make a sister leave ANYthing! (Shanikwa kisses Shakur on the cheek).
Springer: (laughly) Wait, now, Tupac, I thought you two were just friends?
Shakur: Yeah, we are, Jerry, but you know, hey, I'm just being man, you know what I'm saying?
Shanikwa know I'm seeing somebody. But ain't no permanent ties with my lady as of yet. Di
know she can do her thing and I can do mine as long as she and I kick it as being
number one. Di know that Pac come first!
(Male members of the audience cheer and clap)
Springer: Well, we'll see what she has to say about that--Here comes DIIIIIIIIIIIAAAANNNAA! (motions
to the stage entrance)
(Audience claps and cheers. Lady Diana enters the stage right with a bouque of red
roses. Shakur stands up to receive the flows, embraces Diana, and gives her a passionate kiss.
Diana recipricates, kisses Shakur on the cheek, and walks over to Shanikwa. Diana points
angrily at her face.)
Lady Diana: (angrily to Shanikwa) You listen to me you little borg or cyborg or whatever you
are. Lesane is MY man, understand, he's MINE. And you better learn how to be have like a Lady or
the next time you come by to visit I will have my security escort you off of my property.
Shanikwa: (holds open palm up to Diana) What--ev-vah! Girl please, you need to sit yo'
ass down, before I hurt chew. Mmmchh (teeth sucking sound), I do whatever I WANT!
Diana: (sitting down) And I suppose that means sleeping with my beau, huh, slut-neewka?
Shanikwa: (rolls eyes and moves head in a snake-like fashion) If you was home taking care of biz-ness instead of you (bleep)-ing
that Elvis clone or helping those tired little alien bastards maybe he wouldn't have to
SHARE his love!
Diana: Unlike you, I know the PROPER way to conduct a friendship with a man, and for your
your information the children are not TIRED, they are POOR and are in need of my help and
friendship.
Springer: (interjects) Excuse me, maam, you claim to be the late Princess Diana, correct?
Diana: Yes Jerry, and I am not dead. I am very much alive. It's true what Lesane says--
Springer: (interjecting) Lesane?
Diana: Oh, I'm sorry, Tupac. Lesane is his birth name--
Shanikwa: See! The bitch don't even know what (bleep)ing name she supposed to use with
her man! She trippin or what?!
(Several African American women stand up and cheer)
Several African American Women: (yelling from the audience) Yeah, you go, gurrrl! She
ain't right! He ain't right! They ain't right!
Diana: (to Shanikwa in a scolding tone) Shut UP! (folds her arms angrily and looks away!)
Shakur: Ladies, ladies, please! Chill, all-ight?
(Audience chuckles)
Springer: Settle down, please, Ms. Borg, let Diana continue. May I call you
Diana? (Shanikwa rolls her eyes at Springer, crosses her arms and faces away from Diana.)
Diana: Yes, Jerry, THANK you. (cuts a mean look toward Shanikwa) Anyway, the Yilamharians
are abducting rap celebreties and other
celebreties like myself in order to satisfy their needs. And the Borg are real and they
have attempted to kidnap people from your ghettos but they failed because the residence were
too resourceful. The only known human to willing go off with the Borg voluntarily is Miss
Whore over here, because she's got a few problems!
Springer: (Jerry walks backward towards the middle
of the audience) Now, now, now, no name calling please.
Diana: I'm sorry, it's just that I get so upset whenever I see this female dog near my
Tupac. She's just a common trollop!
Shanikwa: Troal-whut? Girl, I'll knock yo' teeff out!
Diana: I'd love to see you try it sometime. After tea, perhaps?
Shanikwa: (gives Diana the talk-to-the-hand motion, stands and faces the audience) Hey, y'all,
I got my Borg implants and e'rythang, but look at me. Don't I look GOOD y'all! Why would
he stick with Miss Tea and Crumpets when he can have all this?! (twirls
around on stage, flanting her attributes. At one point she exposes her breasts to the audience
for a brief second. She then sits down and kisses Shakur on the lips)
Diana: (stands, yells angrily, leans toward Shanikwa) I told you to keep you hands OFF
him! He's mine, you man stealer! (Diana slaps Shanikwa)
(Audience gasps)
Shanikwa: (stands up face to face with Diana), You don't PUT your hands on me, bitch!
Diana: You're the bitch!
Shanikwa: Bitch! (At this point a fight breaks out between the two women. As
Shakur struggles to intervine Diana throws a flurry of punches and stratches.
Shanikwa rips Diana's blouse. Shakur is accidentally stunned by
a wild backhand from Diana when she rears back to grab Shanikwa. He falls backwards
off stage. Shanikwa grabs Diana by the
hair while Diana clamps on to Shanikwa's hair and the implanted tube on the right side of her
face. The two woman punch, kick, and claw at each other and cling to each other's hair. Steve
rushs over to Shakur in order to revive him, while the ladies have each other in a
headlock. It takes four members of security to seperate them.
Steve helps Shakur from ground. The audience is in a boisterous uproar. Springer manages to
avoid the commotion and retreat to the rear of the audience.)
Audience chants: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Springer: (jokingly to Shakur) Well I guess we know how she feels now don't we!
(Shakur laughs, sits down panting. The ladies are glaring at each other and breathing
heavily)
Springer: We'll be back with more Tupac Was Abuducted By Aliens after this break!
(Cue music. Audience gives a standing ovation and cheers. As we cue to commercial
break, BOTH WOMEN ATTACK TUPAC!)
**********************************************************
The Thug Immortal, The Royal Thug, and Shanikwa of Borg continued with the rest of the show. According to our sources, there were numerous outbursts and melees between the two women. They would randomly attack each other and sometimes both attack Tupac. Tupac was hit by a chair several times and received a black eye, busted lip, and bruised forearms. After they ended the show, Steve escorted them back to Nigel's spaceship. Nigel was still recovering from his previous injury on the show (a black eye is a big deal for a Yilamharian, due to the size of the organ.) They returned to Yilamhar and our sources say that both women are still seeing Tupac.