Why do banks chain up 25 cent pens but leave their vault doors open?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
Do infants enjoy inffancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed, would milk come of out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
If a ram is a sheep, and an ass is a donkey, why is a ram in the ass of a goose?
If you placed a refrigerator in a climatically sealed room and left it running with the door open, would the room get hotter or colder?
Why are flamingo's pink and their knees are on backwards?
Could God create a rock so heavy that he himslef could not lift it?
If you put gum over your ass and farted, would it make a bubble?
What's the shortest route around an island?
If you ate your own foot, would you lose weight?
What is Braille for "Braille"?
Have you ever thought of all the wholes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
Do babies think adults are cute?
If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
If you unscrewed your bellybutton, would you ass fall off?
If you melt a pool full of dry ice, can you swim in it without getting wet?
If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress?
If Barbie is so dang popular, why do you have to buy all of her friends?
If you are standing directly on the line between two time zones, and it is 12:00 on one side and 1:00 on the other, is it 12:30 where you are standing?
What is the speed of dark?
When you're sending some one Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
What's another word for synonym?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor and planes don't have a row 13, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 13?
How can there be self-help groups?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Where are Preparations A through G?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
What happened to the first 6 "ups"?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?
Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Does a fish get cramps after eating?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
How do I set my LASER printer on stun?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
If the #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2?
If work is so terrific, how come thay have to pay you to do it?
If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Why are hemorrhoids called "Hemorrhoids" instead of "asteriods"?
Why is it called tourist season if you can't shoot at them?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
What happens when none of your bees wax?
Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they still working?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
And whose crueal ida was it for the word "lisp" to have an "S" in it?
Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?
Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?

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