- raging heartbeat
- difficulty breathing, feeling as thoughh you 'can't get enough air
- terror that is almost paralyzing
- dizziness, lightheadedness or nausea - trembling, sweating, shaking
- choking, chest pains
- hot flashes, or sudden chills
- tingling in fingers or toes ('pins and needles')
- fear that you're going to go crazy or aare about to die

I guess that confirms that what I had in my 1B term (just before my ECON 101 exam - the last exam I had) was definitely an anxiety attack. Not that I didn't know before, but I just decided to look it up. Since the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, seventh, eighth and ninth points appied to me at that point, it seems pretty definite. I think I looked it up once before... but I'm actually paying attention now. That is, I'm trying really really hard to procrastinate the studying for tomorrow's midterm. Hence the "let's look up weird things".

Anyway. Just for future reference.

I've only ever had an anxiety attack once though. And it's super weird, because it was my last exam. And I don't think I was that stressed out. Who knows. Maybe I was really stressed and I didn't know. But it's also weird because it was post all my exams except my ECON one, and surprisingly, that was the one I was the least worried about, so I should have felt deliriously happy instead over nearly being done my exams.

Back to corporate finance now, I suppose. Stupid course. Stupid questions. Why a midterm tomorrow? I really don't want to have a midterm. *crosses arms petulently like a child*

I feel so useless though. I don't see where this is all going. I really don't. Hurray, I'm going to be an accountant. I don't know. Somehow, that feels so... *sighs* I guess it feels like such a... shallow? I can't the word to describe it. But it seems so typical, so useless. It's a means to an ends I guess. The ends being survival. It's weird. The best time of our lives is when we're young. After a certain point (a la last year of high school) we don't tend to focus on anything except survival. I know, we all have vacations. But yet... for most people, the jobs they do are simply that. Jobs. No love, nothing involved. Just a means to an ends. So what are we doing it for? It all seems to pointless somehow. I guess that's the word I was looking for. Pointless. Like a tunnel with no fucking end. At least, until I'm dead.

I think I've been listening to way too much MCR.

But I feel that way a lot. Here I am, going into a job I know I'm not going to love. I don't mind it. I discovered during my co-op that it's an okay job. It has its highs and lows. It's fun, but yet, it's very repetitive. How much fun can auditing be after 10 years? I don't know. Maybe as I move up into managing as opposed to doing, it'll get better?

Pointless, I say.

(Now how the hell did this get from an anxiety attacks post to a pointless-wait-until-I-die post anyway?)