What else? You know what I hate? Pretty much any movie which is proud to be called a "romantic comedy." I went and saw The Wedding Singer a few months ago, thinking, "Yeah, it's Adam Sandler, he rules!" and then what I got was some kind of Michael Bolton-meets-Yanni, lame as hell, elderly people humor movie which made me want to vomit profusely after leaving the theater. I mean, come on, Adam. I wanna see "Billy Madison 2" or something, not this romantic crap. It would figure that he gets all this praise for that movie when the entire college population of America loved Happy Gilmore and no one in the "mainstream" even noticed. What the heck? Give me a bag of popcorn and a copy of Ace Ventura and I'll watch that 100 times more than The Truman Show. Don't get me wrong, it was a good movie, but Jim Carrey now has explored his acting potential, he needs to go back to being an idiot on film for a while. I mean, really, look at Robin Williams. The thing most people remember him for now is being the voice of the freakin' genie on Aladdin. Here's some advice, Jim: don't let that happen to you.

No, action movies are the way to go for me. Oh yeah, blood, unnecessary violence, guns, explosions, and hot chicks running around with guns, that's what I wanna see. None of this flowery, beauty is on the inside, "intellectual drama," crap. If a review of a movie implies that it will make you think, that's a bad sign, okay? If I want to think I'll take Math 152 again. I want entertainment, so I'm gonna go to the movies and watch things get blown up while at the same time the hero gets away with the girl and plans the next thing he's gonna blow up. THAT, my friends, is entertainment. Yessiree, give me a big old bag of popcorn, a pack or two of sour patch kids, and a 300-fluid ounce glass of coke and I will watch movies until I die in that theater. Of course, all that food would cost me the approximate equivalent of four years' college tuition, so maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea. Let's see, either get a degree and fulfill the educational requirements to gain a career in today's world or get 50,000 calories worth of food while watching two hours worth of gratuitious sex and violence. Actually, that's a tough call. I'd have to think about that for a minute.

Here's something for you: What's the deal with Tae-bo? Is it supposed to be an actual work-out or a self-defense thing? What scares me about it all is the idea that some housewife'll take 3 weeks of this stuff and then decide to be the hero when some punk tries to mug her. It'll be a sad day when she realizes she's not Shaquille O'Neal or Kelly Martin or anyone else for that matter. Yes, Mrs. Smith, we're not on "ER" now but I have a feeling you'll be in one soon. Thanks a lot and buh-bye.

At this point I'd like to apologize to the readers for this page. I'll admit it freely now, my comic influences have been Denis Leary, David Spade, and Jerry Seinfeld, so you'll understand the style here now. Just thought I'd let you know where all this rage and confusion is coming from. Anyways . . .