Volume I: "Great Quotes"

1. "I hope I find a husband that makes me feel like Pocahontas does." -Katie
2. "Erections." -Cristin
   "What?" -Julie
   "Parapalegics, Julie." -Cristin
3. "I HATE MY ROOMMATES!" -Cristin, Katie & Julie in unison
4. "She's been like this since she got home.. ." -Katie (about Cristin)
5. "This is the best birthday I've had in a year!" -Katie
6. "That train is on so much crack!" -Katie
7. "I was like, all you have to do is look at the leaves and it's so easy." -Julie
8. "I don't wanna climb the stairs." -Cristin
9. "It doesn't rot it's processed." -Katie
10. "All these people are dying for the stupidest reasons." -Ken
11. "You guys look pathetic." -Amy
    "Thanks. You don't match." -Katie
12. "We don't even care if we don't know anybody. We're just gonna FAKE it." -Cristin
13. "How come I only have one quote up there?" -Julie
14. "Why can't you be selfish for just one day?" -Katie
15. "I don't even like my friends anymore." -Cristin
16. "That's my blister! That's my bad hip! I can't breathe! " -Katie
17. "We're not the only losers... everyone's losers... Meg's a loser. . ." -Cristin
18. "Gee Julie, your whole life is Pull. Don't you even hate your" roommates anymore?" -Katie
    "A www, I hate you guys soo much!" -Julie
19. "Isn't it fun to pretend Steve's funny?" -Cristin
20. "Strange things happen when it's a Wednesday afternoon." -Katie (on a Thursday)
21. "I can't wait till Christmas... everyone's happy because it's Christmas. .. and you're home. .. and everyone's happy. .. and it's Christmas.. ." -Julie

    Volume II: "We so funny...!"

    back to top

22. "You're a... a... a FREAK!!"-Meg (to Katie)
23. "I'm gonna go downstairs and make some pasta because I'm worried about my health." -Katie .,
24. "I washed your things." -Katie
    "Oh, you're such a sweetie!" -Julie
    "I didn't mean to." -Katie
25. “I actually like it. It’s so cool to feel it dissolving on your tongue... we'll keep it in our snack box." -Katie (about Styrofoam)
26. "They'd be like, want some pot? And I'd be like, no thanks. I'm allergic." -Meg
27. "It's as funny as my crack hole!" -Meg
28. "Gosh darn it, I just love myself!" -Katie
29. "Oh, Cristin has chili." -Katie
    "That's okay. I love sleeping when it's cold." -Julie
30. "What's wrong with my fan? Come on, baby. Get going. You all right?" -Cristin
31. "Julie, should I wear my hat? I have a scarf, too." -Katie
    "Do you have anything to cover your face?" -Cristin
32. "Hey, that bush just sucks. " -Alicia
33. "I'm starting to feel at home here." -Katie
    "Yeah, you guys annoy me as much as my family." -Cristin
34. "I'm done with my glory. I want my Email." -Julie
35. "Tyler sucks! I don't usually say those crude things, but he sucks." -Liz
36. "Are you talking again?" -Julie
37. "At least I'm not a hick. Your first kiss was your horse." -Katie
    "You're the one whose family tree is a pole. Your first kiss was your brother." -Cristin
38. "I hate being locked out of the room when I'm supposed to be writing a paper!" -Katie
    "Go to the basement." -Cristin
    "I don't have any books!" -Katie
    "Do you want me to hand you your books?" -Cristin
    "NO!" -Katie
39. "Re-deal means re-me." -Alicia

    Volume III: "Our Endless Wit "

    back to top

40. "You know what you're doing now? You're whining." -Mike
41. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BALLS FELL OFF!!!!!" -Cristin
42. "Pretty soon Katie's going to start calling ME fat!" -Cristin
    "Then you can start wearing my underwear." -Katie
43. "ARGH! I can't find my shorts!" -Katie
    "Do you only have one pair of those, too?" -Meg
44. "Food is always so good when I'm hungry." -Tana
45. "All right, I am so sick of Enya." -Katie
46. "Calories schmalories!" -Liz
47. "Wow, that was a good one!" -Katie
    "That wasn't a good one. That was stupid." -Meg
48. “I just didn’t understand. It toally dampered my spirits!” -Andrea
49. "You're a loser." -Meg (to Katie)
50. "What are you gonna do for the next half hour?" -Katie
    "I don't know. I'll go to the bathroom or something." -Anna Bongiorno
51. "You're trying to hurt me with Mike's harmful words that aren't even Mike's!" -Cristin
    "We're trying to cheer you." -Katie
    "I'm not cheered." -Cristin
52. "I'm not going to see him ever again for three weeks!" -Cristin
53. "I didn't understand. I kept looking. There was no penis." -Cristin
54. "WE CAN'T TAKE THIS!" -Cristin and Julie (in unison)
55. "I hate my life." -Julie (in low, gravelly pull voice)
56. "Shoot. Shoot. I am so gay." -Nick
57. "That is downright freaky." -Meg
58. "We need TEA!!" -Meg
59. "I'm covered in crap! What is that?" -Cristin

    Volume IV: "HAAAW, HAAAW, HAAAW" (Or "Meg, Meg and More Meg")

    back to top

60. "We didn't even have a fall. No leaves.. .." -Cristin (in September)
61. "What's your problem, you fucking bitch?" -Cristin
    "Fuck you!" -Katie
    "There's too much love in this room. We need to open the door and let some out." -Julie
62. "You think you're sooooo funny." -Katie
    "I know I'm funny. There's no thinking about it." -Julie
    "That applies to most of your life." -Katie
63. "I hate history because you have to, like, know stuff" -Cristin
64. "She's always going to bed in the double digits. What is that?" -Julie
65. "Don't touch my butt unless it's with your hand, all right?" -Julie
66. "Eat me!" -Katie
    "I already said I would." -Annie
67. "I have no point in life Except ice cream." -Cristin
68. "I want ice cream." -Cristin
    "You've been dieting all day. You deserve a break." -Katie
69. "I've never not gone trick-or-treating. I love Halloween; it's the holiday of greed." -Katie
70. “What do you want for Christmas?” –Katie
    ...long silence... "I want a new roommate." -Cristin
71. "I like the phrase: 'Three apples a day brings the hot guys a-runnin'. ", -Cristin
72. "All roads lead to eating." -Katie
73. "Sometimes I can be so gay." Tana
74. "You remind me of me." -Tana
    "Wow, thanks!" -Katie
    "I hate myself." - Tana
75. "Between the two of you, you make two studs." -Alicia (to Katie and Cristin)
76. "Oooohh, I'm so excited to sleep!" -Julie

    Volume V. "Anything Making Fun of Katie is an Automatic Quote"

    back to top

77. "My feet are cold... I have work to do... there's a hole in my shirt... AND I'M FAT! !" -Cristin
78. "I dreamed about a can of iced tea." -Katie
    "Really? I dreamed about Meg." -Cristin
79. "I'm so excited to write my paper... it'll be fun... really... nope, this isn't working." -Cristin
80. "You call him Joey? You should feel sorry to even be alive." - Rodney (to Katie)
81. ”Julie is my inspiration to look nice." -Annie
82. "What do you put in a coffeepot? Hamburgers... no, that's not right." -Julie
83. "I'll be back in... you don't care." -Julie
84. "TANA!! You licked my side!" -Julie
85. "You really concern me. That's just not normal." –Julie (to KT)
86. "I never know what to say when someone holds open two doors for me." -Brooke
    "Thanks ... thanks." -Julie
87. "I was like, 'this guy is so smart. Who could ever come up with a fuzzlewump?'" -Meg (about Dr. Seuss)
88. "Can't I sue you for something?" -Alicia (to Katie)
89. "Pretty soon you won't even recognize me." -Katie
    "I pray for that day." -Julie
90. "Katie, you look totally different with jeans on." -Kathy
91. "Who invented Spanish anyway? This is so confusing!" -Meg
92. "I'm so at peace right now." -Eric
93. "My last name is Wohlfield," so I'm **cked." -Eric
94. "Jamie, quit saying stupid things." -Max
95. "You know what a Paarlberg does to a party." -Meg
    "Why do you think they both begin with P?" -Beth
96. "I love you guys! Even when I'm in the bathroom!" -Katie
97. “I think Meg wants me. I’m such a piece of meat. Made in God’s own image, yes, sirree.” -Katie

    Volume VI. "Get Off the Nuclear Warhead."

    back to top

98. "I look so cute today." -Cristin
99. "He wasn't really running... he was... getting fruit." -Katie
100. "Julie inspires you to look nice, Cristin inspires you to do your nails. . ." -Katie
     "And you inspire me to be a lesbian." -Annie
101. "KATIE! I vacuumed! And I vacuumed the floor, too!"-Julie
102. "He'll be happy as long as I'm there." -Cristin
     "Yeah, hanging out with you builds character." -Katie
     "Why does that build character?" -Cristin
     "Because doing things you hate builds character." -Katie
103. "You're a homophobe." -Katie
     "YOU'RE A NYMPHOMANIAC! !" -Alicia
104. "Ramen is, like, the mystery of life." -Cristin
105. "Is it bad that there's a live wire hanging off Gilmore?" -Katie
106. "Some people just shouldn't reproduce, Katie." -Julie
     "Too bad your mom didn't realize that." -Katie
107. "You're just weird." -Jamie
     "Oh, making fun of Katie. That's an automatic quote." -Katie
108. "Look, half my closet is pants!" -Cristin
     "AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! !" -Katie
109. "It's hard to have a heart attack when your whole body's hemorrhaging." -Katie
110. "Hey wait, let me write it. I can spell hemorrhaging." -Katie
111. "Tomorrow I'll be with Jeff, and we'll get to be... dating other people." -Cristin
112. "I feel the need to do something." -Cristin
     "Just subdue it. You'll get over it in a few minutes." -Katie
113. "You know you're in college when you start drinking Pringles." -Katie
114. "I just really want to smash a pumpkin. I mean, just look at those pumpkins over there. What a prime opportunity." -Liz
115. "George is tangibility impaired." -Katie
     "I see. ... well, if he's tangibility impaired, I don't see." -Kathy
116. "This is happiness in a hay basket!" -Cristin
117. "Dude, did she return your tights yet?" -LiAhna
     "No. she probably got cum on them or something." -Katie
118. "Brad could spend the night here... but no, he wouldn't... once he broke parietals by five minutes and he wrote himself up." -Katie
119. "My goal by the end of the year is to leave teethmarks on all the furniture." -Katie
120. "I'm paralyzed and I'm fat and I'm possessed... l'mjust PAVING THE WAY for Warren to come out!" -Katie
121. "It could've put a severe damper on my ability to live." -Jeff
122. "I wonder where I'd be without mayonnaise... probably at 15%." -Meg
123. "If happiness were people, I'd be China." -Julie
124. "EVEN THE ALLEYS HAVE FLOWERS!" -Alicia (about Holland)
125. "I wish zits were sexy." -Cristin
126. "I'm feeling bitter because you denied my offer to be a lesbian." -Cristin (to Katie)
127. "I love how the squirrels carry nuts in their mouths." -Katie
     "That's because it reminds you of yourself." -Cristin
128. "Oh well- maybe next year." -Cristin (about Nykerk)
129. "Why does Sunday have to come every week?" -Cristin
130. "Let's just close the door and lock it and get real fat." -Cristin
131. "Will you think less of me if I try this on?" -Julie
132. "If I were any less motivated right now, I'd be dead." -Julie
133. "I wish JP's delivered." -Cristin
134. "Gravity's a bitch." -Julie
135. “I love you guys so stinking much.” –Katie
     (long, drawn-out silence) -Julie and Cristin
136. "You can't suck for crap!" -Annie (to Katie)

     Volume VIII. "TURN YOUR BRIGHTS ON! SLOW DOWN AND I'LL GATHER IT! MY SUNFLOWER! WHAT HAVE I DONE???" back to top

137. "I'm wearing black and he's wearing navy blue." -Katie
     "Yeah, between the two of you, you make a bruise." -Alicia
138. "I'm getting a cold, I'm sick, I'm going to die." -Julie
139. “I’m so excited!” –Katie
     “Yeah, you paid your phone bill!” -Julie
     "No, that's not why. The check will probably bounce anyway." -Katie (editor's note: It did)
140. "I'd rather break a leg than have sex." -Katie
141. "Shoot, I feel bad for your husband." -Julie
     "So do I. He'll be a skilled masturbator." -Katie
142. "How do you spell masturbate?" -Julie
143. "Oh my gosh. What is wrong with you? You stroke your plants, you cry over your Christmas tree... YOU'RE SO WEIRD! !" -Cristin (to Katie)
144. "I don't know if I can look at you the same way anymore. You wished death on a pregnant woman." -Annie (to Katie)
145. "Look at your poor face." -Amy (to Katie)
146. "I don't want an engagement ring." -Katie
     "Are you a girl?" Jeff
147. "All I have money for is Frisbees." -Julie
148. "My plate looks like the place where fruit goes to die." - Andrea Douglass
149. "It must be because the sun's going all funky." -Katie
150. "I thought we were having a pathetic meeting, but I think it's just you guys." -Jody
151. "I don't like thinking." -Cristin
152. "This has been a rather amusing evening." -Jeff
153. "Maybe I'll smell like a pear. Should I smell like a pear today?"- Julie
     "You look like one." -Katie
154. "I had an excellent work ethic up until eighth grade." -Meg
155. "Ma'am! You are abnormally tall, ma'am. How the heck tall are ya?" -Some guy in a random gas station (to Meg)
156. "You make having a nervous breakdown fun." -Katie (to Alicia)

     Volume IX. "The Day the Sun Went All Funky"

     back to top

157. "You actually let Katie borrow your clothes?" -Julie (to Cristin)
     "It was the feel-good, do-good phenomenon." -Cristin
158. "It's okay Meg, I've got the wheel." -Julie
     "Oh great." -Meg
     "I WAS KIDDING, I WAS KIDDING!" -Julie
     "AAAAHH, Dr. Pepper on my crotch. .." -Meg
159. "Whoa. I just stuck my hand in my crotch. Then I smelled it. And it smelled a lot like Dr. Pepper." -Anonymous
160. "I wish I liked myself as much as you do." -Cristin (to Katie)
161. "Why isn't Katie coming home until tomorrow?" -Kathy
     "Hmmm. Probably because it's New Jersey." -Julie
162. “Diet Coke? That’s, like, battery acid.” –Cristin
     “It is? …wait, no, I knew it wasn't." -Julie
163. "This is very distressing... I'm so fat I'm going to die." -Julie
164. "I got pink stuff up my nose for the first time in my college career. Dude, that stuff BURNS!" -Katie
165. "No! She's liberty, she's free; she doesn't even wear a bra." -Katie
166. "It's cluster look-nice day... what is that? I hate looking nice." -Andrea
167. "What are you doing, you freak?" -Julie (to guess whom... Katie)
168. "I think it's funny the way you dress." -Cristin (to guess whom)
169. "Does anyone wanna play the Pocahontas board game?"-Katie
     "I can't think of anything I'd rather not do." -Julie
170. "Yeah, and I have so many burdens on my soul." -Katie
     "Look, I don't think Julie meant it about the Pocahontas board game!" -Cristin .
171. "I like Brad. He's... well, nice is a strong word." -Julie
172. (During Rock Vespers time) "You know what? Meg is in heaven right now." -Tana
173. "The train has switched to heroin." -Alicia
174. "I'm being hit by star!" -Cristin
     "So's Clinton."-Katie (Julie goes into convulsions)
175. "What is this ugliness?" -Cristin (to no one in particular)
     "Are you gonna take that?" -Julie (to Katie)
176. "Now would be a perfect time for the Rapture." -Julie (studying)
177. "We want Katie to move out." -Julie and Cristin (to Jody)
     "Well, she's not living with me." -Jody
178. "Wipe that look off your face! .. .It's still there! Oh, wait. That was your face." -Cristin
179. "I don't feel like writing this paper anymore." -Katie
     "I don't feel like doing chemistry anymore." -Julie
     "Let's go to Meijer." -Katie and Julie

     Volume X. "Experimentation is What College is All About"

     back to top

180. "Katie and I are going to experiment now because that is what college is all about." -Cristin
181. "Jody, I'm having problems with my roommate." -Sherrie
     "Get a helmet, life sucks." -Jody
182. "I'm totally kidding. I'm not even a pervert." -Roni
183. "If it doesn't arouse you, then I don't want to do it." -Cristin (to Katie)
184. "Let's play How Stupid Can Katie Get?"-Katie
     "No, we play that game every day. Let's play something else." -Julie
185. "You know your paper's bad when you use the word 'wonderfulness.'" -Cristin
186. "Woah. I need to stop this feel-good, do-good business, don't I?"- Julie
187. "I have so many people kissing me and that's kind of kinky." -Meg
188. "HE'S BALDING, MEG!!" -Katie (about Dwight)
189. "Your mouth just needs to be shut. All the time." -Meg (to Katie)
190. "Who ever heard of playing jezzball standing up?" -Jeff
191. "Damn communists!" -Tatiana
     "Wait... we are the communists." -Soncheka
192. "Jeff, we like you." -Cristin
     "Aren't we sick?" -Katie
     ".. .Both of you?" -Jeff
193. "You think everything I say is funny." -Jeff
     "...QUOTE!!" -Cristin
194. "How do you all know you can have root beer?" -Roni
195. "Rachel and Luke are fighting about President Clinton." -Meg
196. "Because we're NOT Bill Clinton." -Jody
197. "Do you think as fast as you talk? Because, wow, you must be, like, Socrates." -Jeff (to Katie)
198. "I'm ready to... um... die... now."-Annie
199. "Will you make the squishy gray squirrel sound?" -Julie
200. "You spelled 'squirrel' wrong." -Katie
201. "I cleaned AJ's bowl!" -Julie
     "Neat... we can see him." -Cristin
202. "It's a bad thing when your face scares you." -Julie
203. "My clothes smell like dryer sheets. Wanna known why? Cuz I didn't put in just one. I put in three." -Julie

     Vol. XI. "This is Sick and Wrong."

     back to top

204. "Let's talk about your mental problems." -Katie (to Jeff)
     "Boy, that is irony at its finest." -Jeff
205. "You want a dick, don't you?" -Rodney (to Katie)
206. "I have done more studying today than I did in all four years of high school." -Meg (during exam week)
207. "Katie, I just got the weirdest feeling. ...1 think I'm going to miss you." -Meg
208. "Katie, you're a feminazi. .. .Do you shave your legs?" -Rodney
209. "How the stink do you lock the door? Oh... keys. Heh heh." -Julie
210. "AJ, you're probably gonna die now." -Cristin
211. "Oh yeah- hey, Julie, will you write 'formal dress' on my grocery list?" -Katie
212. "If that damn Jesus thing weren't stuck on the wall. . ." -Cristin
213. “I didn’t know what narcolepsy was…oh wait, I mean, apocalypse.” -Amy
214. "You know how something comes out of your mouth, and it doesn’t have anything to do with anything? ...I just did that." -Cristin
215. "You just used the word 'therapeutic' in a sentence, and you're nc doctor, nor... like... a surgeon." -Jason (to Katie)
216. "DO YOU REALIZE HOW PERFECT YOUR LIFE IS?" -Katie (to Alicia)
217. "Are all girls interior decorators at heart?"-Jeff
218. "Need I remind you that I wiped out my checking account and crashed a car?" -Alicia (To Katie)
219. "I'm not dead! I'm just crying!" -Roni
220. "Does anyone have anything else?" -Jody
     "Yeah, I have something.” -Meg
     "Yeah- Beth??" -Jody
221. "Dude, how many people go around worshipping Lord Zeus today? Uh, nobody." -Cristin (reading the Odyssey)
222. "Why is everything always harder to do when it's hot?" -Julie (on 1/13/99, quite possibly the coldest day of the century)
223. "Oh. .. hey... did you know Malcolm X used to live in Mason? I probably should have taken you to his house, huh?" -Meg (after showing Julie the worst parts of Mason)
224. "I can't tell which ones are guys and which ones are girls." -Rodney (playing sextris)
     "They have tits, Rodney." -Jeff
225. "There are so many people... I just don't understand how they can like, not know things." -Cristin

     Volume XII. "I Hate Being Dumb!"

     back to top

226. "Whoa... what month am I in?" -Andrea Mulder
227. "You've gotta fly by the seat of your pants." -Doug
     "Isn't it 'live the seat of your pants'?"- Kathy
     ". . . Or you could live by the fly of your pants." -Annie
228. "I can tell you're at college because you say 'gay' and 'lesbian' a whole lot more than you used to." -Amy Lubbers (to Jeff)
229. "Rodney's writing a paper, so I don't think there'll be any sex in my near future." -Cristin
     "If it's Rodney writing the paper, I don't think there'll be any sex in your longterm future." -Jeff
230. "Don't start a snowball fight with me. Rule number one- you won’t win. Rule number two- you'll lose." -Rodney (to Katie)
231. "Does Julie always pull the covers off your bed, Katie?" -Diane.
     "No. I don't want to see what's under there."-Julie
     "Well, good. He doesn't want to see you, either." -Katie
232. "Wow, Julie. You get made fun of a lot." -Diane
233. "So Meg, can I have the down low for tomorrow?" -Amy
     "The what on tomorrow?" -Meg
     "The down low. On what we're doing."-Amy
     "Uh... you mean the lowdown?"-Meg
     "HA HA, AMY!" -everyon else
234. "I'm going skiing this weekend, do you wanna come?" -Chad (to Bradley)
     "Oh, we're gonna do more than ski, big guy." -Brad
     "... ... ... No, we're not." -Chad Gibbie
235. "Life is so unfair. Why does everything that makes me happy have to make me fat?" -Anonymous, eating pizza at midnight
236. "How do you spell 'anonymous?"'-Julie
237. "I wonder if Wheat Thins will still be around when we graduate." -Meg
238. "I found my watch, Meg- in my laundry basket. What was it doing there?" -Julie
     "Not much. Keeping time." -Katie
239. "I want to touch you." -Andrea (to Annie, across the dinner table with Jeremy and Chad)
240. "How many laps around the salad bar does it take to make a mile?' Julie
241. "Life sucks! What's wrong with whining?" -Rodney

     Volume XIII. "Damn Pheromones!"

     back to top

242. "There are three words you need in the English language- yes, no, and fuck." -Brad
243. "I came to get my shirt that Katie borrowed." -Jeff
     "You let her borrow your clothes, huh? Was that the feel-good, do-good phenomenon?" -Julie
     "Yeah, I guess so. But it didn't feel as good I thought it would." -Jeff
244. "Teddy Grahams are like slap bracelets." -Kathy
245. "It's a good thing his name is Tom, and not some long name... like... Larry." -Meg
246. "Brad made me brush my teeth with him." -Katie
     "You know you can't wear white at your wedding now." -Andrea Douglass
247. "I didn't know there were people who actually ate marshmallow fluff... I thought it was just in the book." -Jody
248. "How do you spell 'Ethiopia'?" -Julie
249. "How do you spell 'laboratory'?" -Julie
250. "You know you're procrastinating when you're not even pretending to do anything." -Katie
251. "My life is so mundane." -Cristin
252. "IT'S NOT ABOUT THE SEX ANYMORE!" -Cristin, about sextris
253. "Start being manic!" -Rodney (to Cristin)
254. "Wait, I missed it...I always miss it.. ." -Sally
255. “We could, like, condone people to hell and stuff.” -Brad
256. “What’s intelligence when you're cute?" -Heather
257. "Just hump in the shower... oh, I meant jump! Aah! I meant jump!” -Julie
258. "So I look around and I think, 'Am I at a jail? Nope, I'm at a bodily fluid collection center!' Now I know that if I ever need bodily fluid, it's coming from prime-time, quality Americans." -Meg
259. "We're in college now. Girls don't just wanna date us anymore. 1 wanna marry us." -Brad (his freshman year)
260. "I've been really happy every Saturday for the past two Saturdays.” -Katie

     Volume XIV. "Our New Motto is F**k You'!"

     back to top

261. "Rodney, that ice cream has saturated fat." -Julie
     "Jules, I don't care about fat. I'm not like you." -Rodney
262. "Yeah, Jules, I talked to Ronette and she said you were puttin' out.” -Rodney
263. "I boycotted prom in high school. .. .Actually, I never had a date, but... "-Beth
264. "If we were men, we'd have guts and beer right now." -Beth
265. "Note to self: whenever Katie starts humming the theme from Indiana Jones, examine her closely.' …Wait, I didn't mean that the way it sounded." -Jeff
266. "The only French I know is Oy Ve." -Jeff "That's not French, it's Spanish." -Cristin (Note: 'Oy Ve' is Yiddish.)
267. "What do they mean, I'm not sensitive? I'm a poet, dammit!"-Andy
268. "Hey, Julie, I know. We'll decorate. Yeah. We'll call it... decorating." -Meg
269. "Look everyone- Meg's an idiot!" -Amy !
270. "I don't want to eat a cow." -Rodney
     "You will all eat my animals.” -Noah
271. "My wrist hurts a-" -Julie
     "I'm sorry." -Rodney
     "It hurts when-" -Julie
     "I apologize." -Rodney
     "When I-" -Julie
     "I feel horrible. " -Rodney
     "It hurts whenever I move it to-" -Julie
     "My deepest regards." -Rodney
     "I-" -Julie
     "You did nothing, nothing dammit, to deserve this." -Rodney
272. "Rodney, don't be such a genitalia." -Katie
     "What's a genitalia?' -Rodney
273. "What on earth does this have to do with sports?" -Katie (looking at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue)
     "That's why they call it 'illustrated. ' "-Rodney
274. "Yes, Mom... I can spell Grandma's last name." -Julie
275. "Sometimes pants are just too big." -Cristin

     Volume XV. "Deep Thoughts by Andy"

     back to top

276. "The quote board should be called 'Quote Board', so people know what it is." -Andy
277. "That Viagra thing didn't work for me." -Cristin
278. "Why can't you ever kiss me when I'm awake?" -Cristin (to Katie)
279. "Someone's going to have to hold my hair back..." -Andy
280. "I was gonna put a sign on the bathroom door that said 'No Dumping', but then I thought, 'Who does most of the dumping? Me!'" -Meg
281. "Nobody has anything to do but me in this whole world." -Cristin
282. "What's the date today?" -Matt, on his birthday
283. "When I was little, I got hit with a belt." -Katie
     "I got hit with a wooden spoon." -Branden
     "I got hit with a frozen turkey." -Noah
284. "Someone was throwing up while I was in the shower." -Katie
     "Someone in the cluster?" -Branden
     "No, in the bathroom." -Katie
285. "I think anything that makes Cristin wet herself should be an automatic quote." -Katie
286. "Cristin is a goddess." -Rodney
287. "You know I'm the ideal human being." -Rodney
288. "Could be God, could be the acid... could be God, could be the acid. . ." -Cristin
289. "Jesus loves me, yadda, yadda, yadda." -Andy
290. "Keep your chocolate-chip-mocha strife to yourself. We're all about vanilla chapel." -Andrea Douglass
291. "With the raise of an eyebrow, Andy gives a dissertation." -Katie
292. "Katie, this is an appropriate time to say 'Fuck You.'" -Andrea
293. "We still have a lot of time to do things before we die, right?"-Katie
     (….long silence...) "... Want some more jelly-bellies?" -Cristin
294. "What's in fish and chips? French fries and what else?" -Amy
295. "I bet you always win the watermelon spitting contest, Cristin." -Rodney
     "You spit watermelons?" -Jeff
296. "We're gonna go all over the Holland area making people happy! -Katie
     "Why don’t you start here? I take checks." -Cristin
297. "My wrist hurts!" -Katie (giving a back rub)
     "Suck it up and massage." -Cristin
298. "Are you racist?" -Alicia
     "I don't want to talk about the gay homosexuality thing." -Rodney
299. "What movie theater did you work at?" -Rodney
     "Too bad you're not from my town and wouldn't know it." -Alicia
     ".. .I've been New Jersey." -Rodney (note: Alicia's from New York)

     Volume XVI. "Ideal Human Beings"

     back to top

300. "Do you know how I read?" -Cristin
     "I don't know. .. how about left to right?" -Jeff
301. "My principles of not letting guys pay for me are going down tb toilet." -Katie
     "That's okay. Those are bad principles, anyways. -Brooke
302. "I can't wait for life. Get me out of college!" -Heather Bachelor
303. "Hey, he's peeing on you guys." -Mr. Mezeske
304. "You know how sometimes in a paper, you have to show the opposite side to make your point?" -Julie
     (...dead silence...) "So are you excited to usher for Mel White?" -Julie
305. "Your butt better jiggle if you're gonna make a good mom someday." -Anonymous
306. "Katie, your entire being is a political statement." -Andrea
307. "Oh my gosh, I have to get up at a time that has a 7 in it." Cristin
308. "I dated this girl my freshman year... no, maybe it was sophomore year. No, it was freshman year. You know what? I don't care. Because I'm not with that girl anymore." -Andy
309. "Katie, you're waking people up in small countries surrounding United States." -Cristin
310. "Here, you can have my smoothie! You can have mine!" -Katie
     "Owwwww." -Cristin
311. "She was 80 and he was 17? That's a 73 year difference!" -Alicia
     "No it's 63." -Kristy
     "Alicia, what are you getting in math?" –Cristin
     “A 'B'... but I don't need to add." -Alicia
312. "Why do I get a headache whenever I walk into the room?" –Katie
     “I don't know. I get a headache every time you walk into the room, too." -Cristin
313. [Thoughts on the Y2K thing] "My brother said to stock up on bottled water for the year 2000.” -Kristy
     "Well, they'll still have running streams in the year 2000, won't they?" -Andy
     "Actually. .. I have no problem drinking lake water ." -Julie
314. "Oh my gosh, Julie did something smart today!" -Cristin
315. "I always wanted to penetrate my very soul." -Alicia
316. "It's been awhile since I've seen stuffed porn.. ." -Andy
317. "Stigmata means when you get bloody holes in your hands... it's Catholic thing." -Katie
     "They do that to you?" -Alicia
318. "Straws don't melt, do they? It's, like, illegal." -Julie
319. "Every time I see Brian, I think he's better looking." -Jody
     "Every time Brad sees himself, he thinks he's better looking." -Katie

     Volume XVII. "On the Road to 500 Quotes!"

     back to top

320. "How will I benefit the SHARE program?" -Julie
     "Say that... you watch cartoons, and like to clean up puke." -Cristin
     "What else?" Julie
     "Tell them you like glitter. Tell them that you, like, make posters and stuff" -Cristin
     "And.. ." -Julie
     "Puke, puke, puke!"- Cristin
321. "Nate needs a frisbee golf girl." -Cristin
     "For what?" -Jeff
322. "I don't like kids. I'm used to relating with people who are on my reading level." -Cristin
323. "See, right now I'm laughing at you because that wasn't funny at all."-Cristin (to Brad)
324. "You guys are going to have annoying kids." -Cristin (to Katie and Brad)
325. "I haven't been a virgin since I was, like, six." -Cristin
326. "How exactly do you do a lap dance? I mean, do you stand on their legs, or what? Doesn't that hurt?" -Katie
     "You'd,be like, 'man, you have nice knees.'" -Jeff
     "Well, knees are skin. That's erotic, right? I guess it would have to be called a quadricep dance." -Katie
327. "Can I buy one of those zebra rugs?" -Katie
     "NO" -Big, fat, uncuddly bouncer man
     "No, huh? Do you think there's any way they would sell it?"
     (.. .dead silence...)
     "No possible way?"
     (.. .dead silence...)
     "No?"
     (...dead silence...)
     "Okay, thanks."-Katie
328. "This is, like, Jeff and Rod and their hos." -Katie
329. "Man, you'd better put on your seat belt. There's no airbags in this thing, you know." -Rod (to KT, while she was playing a driving simulator at Godfather's)
330. "Kosovo affects Hope College." -Heather Bachelor
     "What's Kosovo?" -Meg
     "Break out the Guinness Book of World Records, because that was the dumbest question ever. We're at war, Meg. War."-Heather
     "Well, how am I supposed to know? I was gone all spring break. No TV and no paper." -Meg
     "Didn't your family tell you?" -Heather
     "Don't talk to my family.. ." -Meg
     "Didn't you learn about it in your classes?" -Heather
     "Don't go to class. .. How did you find out?" -Meg
     "My boyfriend told me." -Heather
     "No boyfriend..." -Meg
331. "Can I have some alcohol? Oh no no, it's not to drink. It's so I can wash the 'M' off my hands so I can buy some alcohol." -Katie
332. "Not fair. There's no more." -Jeff, age 8, Christmas Day
     "You were a greedy little bastard!" -Rod

     Volume XVIII. "Peace, Love, and the Joy of Urination"

     back to top

333. "The Walkman was invented in this Japanese country..." -Kristy
334. "Oh, Julie, we're not going to be together next year!" -Cristin
     "Ohhhh!" -Julie
     "Hey, you guys forgot. You're supposed to be sad about me, too." -Katie
     "Oh yeah. Um, I forgot." -Cristin
335. "Hey, guess what, Kristy? I have money to spend at WIO this week!” -Katie
     "Wow. I'm impressive." -Kristy
336. "I don't know if I can sleep with the lights off!" -Cristin
337. "It's not that hard! You put your mouth around it and guys like it.' -Anonymous
338. (singing) "RIGHT NOW! It's your tomorrow.. ." -Julie
     "I should in psych... RIGHT NOW!" -Katie
339. "Do you have a cousin named Jim?" -Alicia (to Katie)
     "Probably." -Katie (Katie, Alicia, Cristin, and Andrea have collective heart failure)
340. "Wow. You have the same haircut as your brother." -Julie (to Katie)
341. "I'm urinating in pleasure... I don't know why I just said that." -Cristin
342. "Next year, are you going to hate me as much as you hate Katie?" -Alicia (to Cristin)
     "Probably." -Cristin
343. "Do you want butter on your popcorn?" -Meredith
     "Sure. If I'm gonna get fat, I might as well do it right." -Alicia
     "No, this butter's fat-free and calorie-free." -Meredith
     "Then Good Lord, make it swim." -Alicia
344. "One day my dad said, 'Son... those are ducks.' And from then on, I been callin' 'em ducks. Going on... oh, about 19 years now." -Andy
345. (big sigh) "Bradley always tries to fit in as many 'dears' and 'sweethearts' in every sentence as possible." -Katie
     ".. .must be rough.. ." -Brooke
346. "Hey guys, look. It really does make you want to see how close you can get your face to it." -Meg
     "Meg, the train is not a toy." -Julie
347. "What are we gonna do? We only have, like, another hour till we have to get up." -Katie
     "Let's play Sorry." -Cristin (at 6:13 am right after fire alarm)
348. "That was one big wet T-shirt contest." -Cristin

     XIX. "Let's just write down everything anyone says so we can make it to 500 quotes." -Cristin

349. "I'm getting hit with raindrops the size of Kentucky." -Cristin
350. "Yeah, they said lightning struck the upper comer of Dykstra, on th third floor, facing Gilmore... uh, yep, that'd be our room, huh? ... We should definitely all get As." -Julie
351. (On the phone with her brother): "David, isn't it cool that out of all the rooms on campus, lightning struck ours? ... …No, I do not think God is striking down his wrath upon me!" -Katie
352. "Man, that kid just got ice cream all over his shirt." -Branden
     "That poor kid has clothes stuff allover his ice cream!" -Wax
353. "I'm screwed. .. .No... I wish I were screwed. Then at least I'd have something to be happy about." -Cristin
354. "Wait... all my friends did acid in high school, but I never knew it was LSD." -Alicia
355. "Ow... I just put my head on your cactus!" -Katie
     "MY CACTUS-!?!?!?" -Alicia
356. "You know it's bad when it's Sunday night and you're already planning your weekend." -Katie
357. . "I'm late. It's 11:59... I just know it's gonna be 12:00 any second." -Cristin
358. "Katie, from 3 tables away, you're coming in loud & clear." -Jeff
359. "That was, like, Mary Had a Dead Sheep. In D Minor." -Katie
360. "I'm a walking phallic symbol. Wanna scratch my head?" -Andy
361. "I worked in construction for two months. I know exactly what kind of person I do not want to become." -Jeff
362. "Shut up, Katie. I feel like a goddamn girl!" -Jeff
363. "Exactly what is in the Bible about used tampons?" -Jeff
364. "How about we just sit in the pine grove for the rest of the year and you can piss me off and I can swear and make you laugh and you can write down a QUOTE every time I speak?" -Jeff
365. "I bet I can sing 'I Have Never Had Sex Before' in a minor key." -Jeff
366. "I called her a female condom." -Katie
     "I've actually seen one of those before." -Andy
     "I've actually used one of those before." - Cristin (a hush falls over the crowd. . .)
367. (Julie, while reading first aid book) "Any injury to the back of the head can become.. blah blah blah, never mind." -Julie
     "Become what, Julie?"
     "Become a life-threatening emergency, but..." -Julie
368. "Hey, wanna bond?"-Meg, to some random girl in the computer lab
     "I have a paper to do." -girl "I'm not talkin' sit and tell secrets. I'm talking powder down pants." -Meg
     "...1 have a paper to do." –girl
     
     Vol. XX "Midnight Mass Mania"

369. "These old women always come in JP's and hit on us." -Andy
     "Do they have, like, white hair?" -Cristin
     "No.. .more like white trash." -Andy
370. "I'm so sick of dating girls who do not know who Led Zeppelin is.” Andy
371. "Ooh, that was catastrophous." -Cristin
372. "How do you spell ooh?" -Julie
373. "Big nuts. I've got big nuts. Pass it on." -Morgan
374. "Wow, what a way to go; get hit by a Mercedes." -Beth
375. "You wear my pants more than I do." -Cristin (to Katie)
376. "Hmm.. .if I put Artemis on my shoulder it'll smell." -Katie (on her sunburn)
377. "Wow. Those girls in tank tops have to be cold." -Cristin "They must be from Canada." -Sarah Haines
378. "I now have goose bumps the size of my head." -Cristin
379. "Is anybody else burned.. .or wanna smell like berries?" -Katie
     "Shoot.. .I'm not burned." -Jeremy
380. "Wow, it must suck to be an adult and like, not have breaks. .. .But then again, they don't have to study." -Julie
381. "I spelled my name wrong. That's when you know you have problems." -Julie
382. "Well, I don't know if it was a socially known thing. I mean, I didn't want people to come in and be like, 'you freak, you spelled ooh wrong.'" -Julie (see quote #382)
383. "I like squirrels." -Annie
384. "The only people that like me are my dog." -Annie
385. "Everything seems larger on a midget." -Morgan
386. "Why are you being nice to me? It's not the feel-good, do-good phenomenon, and there's no such thing as the feel-bad, do-good phenomenon. It must be the get-drunk, do-good phenomenon. -Katie (to Cristin)
387. "I like gettin' drunk." -Anonymous
388. "She's on the rebound, she's open to suggestion." -Andy "Where's my shot glass?" -Cristin
389. "Why don't we care right now?" -Cristin
     "I don't know, maybe ij we stop talking about it we'll start caring." -Katie
     …pause... "I don't care yet, do you?" -Katie
390. ”When I was going to live in Dykstra, I did not sign up to live three doors down from Chad Gibbie." -Katie

     Vol. XXI "And They Live Happily Ever After..."

     back to top

391. "My paper's getting too long." -Katie
     "Just wrap it up and say 'I have many more thoughts, but for your sake, I'm gonna end it.' Then she'll think you're smart." -Alicia
392. "I had this HUGE blister." –Brad
     "Why didn't you just pop it?" -Cristin
     "I would have, like, dehydrated myself" -Brad
393. "I don't want anything greasy, because I've been feeling sick all day... so I think I'll get nachos." -Katie
394. "I'm going to say something funny now." -Cristin
395. "The car's not necessarily from New Jersey. It could have been made in Japan." -Alicia
     "That car is from New Jersey, it has a New Jersey license plate!" -Katie
     "Shove it up your ass." -Cristin
     “I have enough up my ass, I don't need a car." -Katie
396. "Hey, for the last quote we should say, 'this quote board sucks. Let's not even type it up."'-Katie
     "…Nah, let's make it something funny." -Cristin
397. "Isn't there more emotion behind it??!" -Katie
     "No, you just. look it and it makes them happy." -Cristin (see # 336)
398. "I really like boys." -Cristin
399. "I'm a walking, talking Mentos dispenser." -Jeff
400. "I just want you guys to know that this is the last quote." -Cristin
     "Oh I'm going to cry, I'm just going to shed tears the size of Lake Superior." -Katie
     "Julie, you have to say something, too, so you can be in the last quote." -Cristin
     …confused silence from Julie
     "I’m scared that whatever I say will go on the quote board." -Julie
     "No really am going to cry.. .I'm not even kidding.. .at all." -Katie
401. "I wonder if anyone will notice that we really didn't make it to 410, but that we skipped numbers 345- 354?" -Cristin
     "Probably not, I wouldn't." -Katie
402. (looking through HS yearbook) “”yeah, I’d better reacquaint myself with these people’s names if I’m gonna be drinking with them all summer.” –Katie
403. ”How do you know so much?” –Jeff, to Cristin (see #s 336 and 396)
404. ”Man, Brad says everything to his parents.” –Katie
     ”Yeah…I think I said ‘Jesus’ once…like, not in a prayer…” –Jeff

     back to top

     ---

     Fourth of July Week in Holland

     back to top

     1. ”Hey, I can prepare for surgery now.” –Katie “Yeah…on DOGS…” –Andy
     2. ”Whoa. That’s alotta ramen.” –Katie “That’s alotta makeup.” –Jeff
     3. ”I ran a mile the other day.” –Cristin “Yeah, I can tell.” –Katie
     4. ”Hey, guys, those fireworks look like sperm. …Uh, guys, those fireworks look like sperm. Those…fireworks…they look like sperm…” –Cristin “Hey, those fireworks look like sperm!” –Katie “Those are the ones. They’ve been coming frequently.” –Cristin

     ---

     School of the Americas Trip Quote Board
     1. "Andy, did you peeee already?" -Rachel
        "You know it." -Andy
        "That's because you have a peeenis." -Rachel
        "Thanks for the tip." -Andy
     2. "Now I have whiskey AND shit all over my face." -Rachel
        "Shit & whiskey, that's all ya need in life." -Andy
     3. "Hey, that was a horse-breeding farm!" -Andy
        "I breed horses." -Rachel
        "...I breed like a horse..." -Andy
     4. "Either way you go, you're taking up 95% of the room." -Katie
        "Either way I go, 95% of me doesn't care." -Andy
     5. "Isn't the drinking age in jo-ja, like, fourteen?" -Katie
        "No, but the breeding age is, like, thirteen." -Andy
        "It's not thirteen. It's eight." -Katie
        "Old enough to crawl in the right position." -Andy
     6. "I've always been a fan of two wrongs making a right." -Christine
        "Well, two wrongs don't make a right... but hey, three rights make a left!" -Kristy
     7. (About Andy's snoring) "I've never heard anything quite like that." -Beth
        "He sounds like a fucking dinosaur." -Rachel
     8. "I brought my special underwear for the march. ...And I washed them!" -Rachel
     9. "Oh, my fuck... Oh! I need to wash my mouth out with some Quaker Oats." -Rachel
     10. "Did you just throw the kitty?" -Katie
         "No... I just kinda lobbed him." -Rachel
     11. "Your head weighs, like, twenty pounds." -Andy
         "I have a heavy brain." -Katie
         "No, you have brain-fat. You should go on a brain-diet. ...Go to chapel." -Andy
     12. (To Andy and Katie) "You guys are fine separately, but together, you're so annoying." -Kristy
     13. "Yeah, what the heck? Why attack a man in a habit?" -Kristy
     14. "We're gonna fill up, and there's a bathroom here--" -Jane
         "Yeah, so we're gonna empty out." -Kristy
     15. "I've become a contortionist on this trip." -Katie
         "...Sweet." -Andy
     16. "These pants need some serious laundering action." -Christine
     17. "Andy, what are you biting?" -Kristy
     18. "Jenny, how you feeling?" -Andy
         "Scared. Because when this thing blows, you guys are gonna hate me." -Jenny
     19. "We're right next door, so don't be too wild." -Jane
         "We'll just put pillows against the wall." -Beth
         "Yeah, we'll pull the bed away from the wall." -Katie
         "And so will we." -Jane (...dead silence)
     20. "Jennay, what's wrong?" -Kristy
         "...I think... only one of my ears works." -Jennay
     21. "I'm dredding my armpit hair." -Kristy

         back to top

         ---

         Sophomore Year Quote Board

         Volume I: “Here We Go Again”

         
         back to top

         1. “Whenever I eat creamy chicken ramen, I think of you guys.” -Katie
            “Whenever I cream, I think of you guys.” -Morgan
            “...Whenever I chicken, I think of you guys...” -Andy
         2. “This is, like, Jeff and Doug and their hos.” -Katie
            “This is, like, five people and their wind machine.” -Cristin
         3. “Wait, why don’t you guys like Chad? Is it because he’s a cock, or some other reason?” -Doug
         4. “Aaah! That was an oncoming car!” -Doug
            “Yeah, but it was far away.” -Cristin
            “It was approaching at a high rate of speed!” -Doug
         5. “We’ll go to Ferris State.” -Meg
            “Yeah, but it has to be off-campus.” -Katie
         6. “Hey, I have lots of keys. You know what that means?” -Katie
            “...You’re a janitor?” -Andy
         7. “What is it about this campus that makes you wanna hump something?” -Justin
         8. “Oh, I’m in class, I’m trying to learn about media, and oh, my teacher has boobs. And he’s not supposed to have ‘em.” -Doug
         9. “Who’s ever met their fifth cousins, anyway?” -Katie
            “I don’t know, but if I did, I WOULDN’T MARRY THEM!” -Cristin
         10. “Do you know what my daughter and I put in the back of the car?” -Coach Van Wieren
             “A pushmower?” -Katie and Cristin
         11. “God, does everything Morgan says have to do with sex?” -James
         12. “Katie says we need a dry board... I prefer a wet board.” -Andy
             “How about a llama?” -James
         13. “I’m stressing... about the direction of my life. And that doesn’t help when you have to write three papers!” -Meredith TerHaar
         14. “This is vintage Def Leppard...” -Andy
             “Yeah... he still has his arm.” -James
         15. “What I wanna know is, what was Jesus doing in Mexico?” -Morgan
         16. “If I’m gonna get a Jesus-fish tattoo, it’s at least gonna be a shark.” -Morgan
         17. “The Cosmos are a bunch of hairy little men, aren’t they?” -Michelle
         18. (Watching Seven Years in Tibet) “He’s probably going back to Tibet. I mean, the guy’s gotta spend seven years there somehow.” -Andy
             “He does? ... ...oh, DUH...” -Meredith TerHaar
         19. “We worked a party for the unveiling of Leonardo DaVinci’s horse.” -Meg
             “Was Leonardo DaVinci there?” -John
         20. “I’m going to drop out of civilized culture.” -Katie
             “Is that a second-half-semester course?” -Cristin
         21. “I think I’ll move to Northern Canada and be an ascetic and live with polar bears.” -Katie
             “I don’t think they have that at the Study Abroad Fair.” -Cristin
         22. “Today was just a shitty week.” -Christine
         23. “On my honeymoon, I think I should wait till the second night so there’s not as much pressure.” -Katie (...long silence...)
             “Uh, make sure you tell him that beforehand.” -Jeff

             Volume II: Quitting Civilized Culture

             
             back to top

         24. (Katie lies down on Jeff’s lap on the futon) “Yeah, THAT’S conducive to studying. Don’t you know what happens when you lie down on that thing? ...The futon... not Jeff...” -Doug
         25. (Mike talking about playboy bunnies) “SHOW ME THE BUNNY! SHOW ME THE BUNNY!” -Daron
         26. “See, I’m against the death penalty, but I’m all for torture.” -James
         27. “That girl’s not going to make a good mother.” -Andy
             “Yeah, she’ll never pass the flour test.” -Doug
         28. “I stole four signs since I got to Hope College. I’ve drank five out of six weekends. And I’m no longer innocent. Doug, what is this place?” -Doug
         29. “You know what? We should get a cement mixer for, like, big parties and stuff.” -Doug
         30. (After Katie and Alicia yell at Doug) “You two don’t speak English when you’re flustered. You speak Woman.” -Doug
         31. “If it doesn’t go together in a salad, ya can’t wear it.” -Doug
         32. “Jeez, if my girlfriend did that, it’d be cool, but if some other guy’s girlfriend does it, it’s fucking gross.” -James
         33. “Meg and I are gonna room together at DeTox.” -Katie
         34. “...Some girls were just ugly. Man, they should just hide in their rooms.” -Alicia
         35. “...He could be a hemp-pimp.” -Alicia
         36. “Your computer is as slow as a butt. ...I mean, a butt that’s been severed from legs. ...So it’s not going anywhere.” -Daron
         37. “SHE HAS A FETISH WITH MY BUTT!” -Julie Hofman
         38. “I’m gonna take a shower... no, no, I’m gonna take a nap.” -Meredith TerHaar
         39. “How can I have this much work to do? ...And I pay for my cable, and I never get to watch it...” -Cristin
         40. “OK, I’ll crush it, to put it out of its misery. ...Man, it must suck to be a bug.” -Cristin
         41. “When did Adam Smith and God get together and write a book?” -Morgan
         42. “I like the Christian news channel. ‘Thesselonians says we won’t know when the end of the world’s coming, so it’s gonna be tomorrow.’” -Morgan
         43. “I just wanna go to Washington with a baseball bat in each hand. ‘You’re a diplomat? Boom! You’re a foreign ambassador? Boom! Lighten up!” -James
         44. (Staying overnight in Maas for Mission Trip registration) “I don’t understand how they can allow this. I mean, come on. BOYS and GIRLS staying in the same room-- ALL NIGHT? Next thing ya know, they... WON’T be firing the homosexual teachers!!!!” -Cristin
         45. “Yeah, we could leave the futon out and roll around in our money.” -Cristin

             Volume III: “Putting the Cat Back in Catering”

             
             back to top

         46. “Phelps puts the ‘cat’ back in ‘catering’.” -Janis
         47. “Friends don’t let friends drive... over other friends.” -Janis
         48. “Yeah, the rich people who gave me my scholarship LOVE me... I need to make friends with them before they die.” -Kerstin
         49. “Hi, my name’s Katie. My EAR is now the center of the universe.” -Andy
         50. “We’re gonna have three kids, and name them Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Then when we get mad, we can yell, ‘JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH!’” -Andy
         51. “That was such a cheerleader move.” -Kerstin
             “What-- bending over?” -Andy
         52. “Have you guys seen those signs that say ‘Make Money by Being a Republican’? How does that work?” -Boyd
             “...They sell their souls...” -Katie
         53. “Prayer is good. Hell is bad. Okay?” -Boyd
         54. “Kerstin, is your advisor cool?” -Katie
             “...I think he got really messed up in Vietnam.” -Kerstin
         55. “And I’m all out of sanity...” -Katie
             “Well, I haven’t got any of that, but I’ve got some food you can have.” -Sharm
         56. “Well, see, I have to get into this prof’s class... because I want to marry his son.” -Kerstin
         57. “Can you put in a good word for me with Jane Dickie so I can get into her Psychology of Women class?” -Doug
             “Sure. She probably needs all the men she can get.” -Katie
             “...No, I want to take the class.” -Doug
         58. “I’m so fuckin’ sick of the millenium.” -Katie
             “Yeah, I just want to drink.” -Andy
         59. “I... I just think it’s so dumb that people get to sleep!” -Katie
         60. “Friends don’t let enemies drive sober.” -Morgan
         61. “Daron, let’s go upstairs and steal some carpet..” -Katie
         62. “I been lustin’ after this little piece o’ rug for a long time.” -Katie
         63. (Writing the words to We Three Kings) “OK, how do you spell Orientar? And where the hell is Orientar, anyway?” -Julie Asher
         64. “Whenever I see a truck coming down the road, I think ‘Man, that truck’s gonna hit me.’ But I never move out of the way. And I don’t ever think that about cars, even though being hit by a car would probably equally ruin my day.” -Julie Asher
         65. “Last time I went to Hot ‘n Now, I was defeated. I had gastro-intestinal distress for three days. So this time I must defeat Hot ‘n Now! I will order the same thing-- alone, if I have to!” -Daron

             Volume IV: “Sick of the Millenium”

             
             back to top

         66. “You guys just play off each other so well. You’re like tag-team retards or something.” -Doug (to Andy and Katie)
         67. “I don’t know how to exercise.” -Anne
         68. “He’s all about... just... life.” -Kathy
         69. “You look like a toilet brush.” -Doug (to Blaine)
         70. “When I go to the masseuse, I get lightheaded because it releases so many toxins.” -Kathy
             “That’s what I want for Christmas.” -Cristin
             “Toxins???” -Kathy
         71. “Rush Sigma Sigma...We’re the only ones left!” -Andy
         72. “I don’t get this Kevin Bacon thing. ...Francis. Whatever.” -Kerstin
         73. “Jeff, did you like the movie?” -Katie (after seeing Girl, Interrupted)
             “It was alright. Lisa was such a bitch that it put me in a bad mood.” -Jeff
         74. “My lungs hurt now from watching that movie.” -Sara (Katie’s cousin)
         75. “Ew, those people are making out in their car.” -Cristin
             “Don’t they know the rules?” -Katie
             “Do you know the rules, Katie?” -Meredith
             “I don’t do that. ...Andy doesn’t have a car.” -Katie
             “Me, neither. ...I don’t have an Andy.” -Cristin
         76. “We’re tormented souls in that class. We need to smoke.” -Doug
             “Doug, Lisa was a tormented soul. You are not a tormented soul.” -Alicia
             “LOOK WHAT I’M WEARING! I’m obviously a tormented soul.” -Doug
             “No, Doug, what you’re wearing makes me a tormented soul.” -Kathy
         77. “Your aunt-- you know, whatever.” -Katie
             “Micki. ...Well, it’s actually Lois, but she had a midlife crisis, and now she goes by Micki.” -Meredith
         78. “Yeah, Doug is supposed to be a flight attendant.” -Katie
             “I wouldn’t mind doing that.” -Necia
             “Imagine your roommate as a flight attendant.” -Katie
             “NO MICROPHONE NEEDED!!” -Necia
         79. “Jesus lived in Holland-- DUH.” -Katie
             “Wait, I thought Jesus had dark hair-- oh no, but he was blonde and blue-eyed.” -Kathy
             “And he was Dutch.” -Katie
             “Actually, his name used to be Van Jesus.” -Cristin

             Volume V: “Kinky, But So Caring.” -Necia

             
             back to top

         80. (Pointing at the fly of Doug’s overalls) “Is that thing sewed shut? ...So you don’t use it at all? ...Then why are you complaining about taking your pants down?” -Cristin
         81. “I know people who stopped drinking at 21.” -Beth
         82. (studying philosophy) “I think I need to be high to understand this stuff.” -Kerstin
             AND A LATER QUOTE...
             (Katie smells Kerstin) “Kerstin, are you stoned???” -Katie
             (laughing) “I have a philosophy paper to write!!!” -Kerstin
         83. “My uncle from Washington is in the Holland Sentinel because he started the Cents. I CANNOT ESCAPE MY FAMILY!” -Katie
             “That’s because your family founded the city of Holland!” -Meredith
         84. “I have to work for Meg at 9:00.” -Necia
             “Because she’s sick?” -Katie
             “Either that, or she has plans...” -Necia
         85. “What’s the orange stuff in that muffin?” -Meredith
             “Orange.” -Necia
         86. “Hey Andy, how are classes going?” -Girl in JP’s
             “Well, I only have one tomorrow, so that’s cool.” -Andy
             “What is it?” -Girl
             “Studies in Islam.” -Andy
             “You study Islam?” -Girl
             “Yeah.” -Andy
             “The country?” -Girl
         87. “You are about as sensitive as a combat boot.” -Tyler (to Katie)
         88. “You are such a pain... IN MY ASS!” -Katie (to Kerstin, while trying to study)
         89. “Did you just say, ‘I love you, Jenny’?? Which is short for Jen?” -Anne (to Tyler)
         90. “Dude, Perovich probably jacks off to Descartes.” -Katie
             “WHO’S YOUR FATHER OF MODERN PHILOSOPHY? WHO’S YOUR FATHER OF MODERN PHILOSOPHY?” -Tyler
         91. “There’s dying coffee over there.” -Kerstin
             “Coffee never dies... it’s like tomorrow.” -Katie
         92. “Oh, quote!” -Katie (about #91)
             “...Um... we’re not laughing.” -Meredith
         93. (Joking about Kathy being pregnant) “I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” -Doug
             “Oh yeah, Doug, you’re the type to get her pregnant and leave.” -Katie
             “Better fill out that JP’s application.” -Kathy
             “...’I have two illegitimate children wandering around the United States’...” -Doug
             “...Two?...” -Kathy
             “At least ! Come on. I’m Mormon.” -Doug
         94. “Oh, I have an idea! Let’s soak our cloves in Tequila, and then dry them, and then smoke them.” -Katie
             “Ah, yeah... that’d be great when you LIGHT IT.” -Doug
             “...Oh, yeah.” -Katie

             Volume VI: “A Great F--kin White”

             
             back to top

         95. “Andy and I worked out our pickup lines for Fantasia.” -Doug
             “Do you really think that, at this stage, you need pickup lines?” -Katie
             “No... just alcohol.” -Doug
         96. (Andy eating Sharkfin Pie at Charlie’s Crab) “That must have been one Great fffuckin’ white!” -Andy
         97. “(Knock Knock) Housekeeping!” -Maid at them Amway
             “FUCK OFF! I’M FULL!” -Andy, half asleep
         98. “I just had a random thought. If Dwight Beal asked me out on a date, I’d go.” -Necia
         99. “I’m taking Kathy to WWF for Valentine’s Day.” -Doug
             “If there’s gonna be sweat and slammin’ bodies on Valentine’s Day, it’s not supposed to have anything to do with WWF!!” -Cristin
         100. “A liturgy is Mad Libs for God.” -Andy
         101. “Dude, I’d vote for a Communist over a Republican any day.” -Jeremy (Kathy’s friend)
         102. “I’m gonna have a beer-- oh, wait. We can’t drink here. Don’t you just wish sometimes you could drink a beer and do your homework?” -Kerstin
         103. “They have chicken soup books for every kind of soul imaginable.” -Jeff
              “Chicken Soup for the Satanist’s Soul?” -Katie
              “I was thinking that...” -Jeff
         104. “I’m getting a gut. In high school I had soccer. Last year I had biking. Now I got NOTHIN. Except drinkin’ beer.” -Andy
         105. “Nothin says romance like horse urine.” -Doug
         106. “I’M GONNA LISTEN TO THIS WHOLE SONG AND I’M NOT GONNA GET DISTURBED!!” -Katie
              “You ARE disturbed!” -Doug
         107. “Every day I have a new problem.” -Meredith
         108. “Jana’s studying Judaism.” -Anne’s sister
              “Do you speak Jewish?” -Tyler
         109. “I always tell Matt stuff about me, and he never tells me stuff about him.” -Jeff
              “Maybe that’s because he knows you’ve got class in two hours and he doesn’t wanna make you late.” -Katie
         110. “Cissy can’t walk up the stairs anymore.” -Jeff
              “Because of her hips?” -Katie
              “No... because of her fat.” -Jeff
         111. “What concert is it?” -Katie
              “STROKE NINE, KATIE! YOU COMING?” -Jeff
         112. (Anne driving) “Wow, Anne, I’ve never seen a stop sign go by that fast before.” -Katie
         113. “Katie, there are so many things wrong with you.” -Anne
         114. “It’s a beautiful day for a run, isn’t it?” -Kerstin
              “Yeah.” -Merathon :)
              “I’m gonna go drink coffee.” -Kerstin
         115. “I can’t believe I already ran out of carpet cleaner.” -Katie
              “I know. You just bought that thing!” -Anne
              “I eat it sometimes.” -Katie
         116. “I could design a VACUUM! A riding vacuum!” -Katie
         117. “Cristin, you’re so cute when you’re drunk. When Andy gets drunk, he gets horny.” -Katie
              “Yeah... when I get drunk, you get horny.” -Cristin

              Volume VII

              
              back to top

         118. “Hey, there’ll be none of that under this roof. Leave your Jesus at the door.” -Kristy
         119. “Ooh, I just walked into the wall.” -Meredith TerHaar
         120. “Yaah. Yogurt gives me the willies.” -Cristin
         121. (Katie wearing vinyl pants) “Katie, I can see my face in your ass.” -Kerstin
         122. “Katie, you never invite me out to dinner with your dad. ...I didn’t even know you had a dad.” -Cristin
         123. “I know my calculus... and me plus you equals gonads...” -Katie
         124. “And in the second chapter of Hosea...” -RISE speaker
              “What? Jose? What?” -Katie
              “I knew that stuff was holy water.” -Andy
         125. (talking to her mother-in-law) “...I don’t know. It’s one of our common relatives.” -Katie’s mom
         126. (In the ocean, over spring break) “So this is, like, all salt water, right?” -Anne
         127. “Tyler is in two Bible studies and leads two youth groups.” -Anne
              “Whoa. That’s alotta Jesus.” -Katie
              “Yup. That’s four days of straight Jesus.” -Anne
         128. “Aah, woman-logic.” -Andy
              “Better than man-logic.” -Katie
              “Man-logic is REASON.” -Morgan
              “Man-logic is UHH. SEX. FOOD. TAKE A SHIT. That’s man-logic.” -Katie
              “Exactly! Reason!” -Andy
              “Can’t think of any REASON why not to do those things...” -Morgan
              “Nintendo should be another one on there.” -Andy
              “Yeah, but which comes first-- Nintendo or sex?” -Katie
              “...Depends on the sex.” -Morgan and Andy
         129. “Latitude is like longitude-- except it’s not. It’s latitude.” -Kristy
         130. (After pulling April Fool’s jokes on their girlfriends) “Oh, great. Now neither one of us is gonna get action for at least three weeks.” -Andy (to Doug)
         131. “My girlfriend and I had our first discussion about religion and it didn’t go so well.” -Daron
              “Is she more conservative or more liberal than you?” -Katie
              “Khaa... she’s BAPTIST!” -Daron
         132. “Go to bed! Both of you! Look at you... you look awful. It’s a shame for you to be alive... I mean, awake.” -Anne (to Meredith and Katie)
         133. “We stole Kerstin’s mattress for my cousin.” -Katie
              “You could have stolen Eve’s... and kept it...” -Anne

              Volume VIII: “Motherhood”

              
              back to top

         134. “Morgan forgot to register for classes.” -Andy
         135. “Keep the faith, brotha.” -Katie
              “Why can’t I be a sista, huh?” -Andy
              “Sorry. I didn’t know you batted for both teams.” -Katie
              “...I’m on the bench for both teams.” -Andy
         136. “Girls don’t know what it’s like to have nuts. ...Now, granted, I wouldn’t want to go through what women go through... so I thank the Lord I have nuts.” -Justin
         137. “We are definitely having more than two kids.” -Kerstin
              “Uhh... VASECTOMY?” -Justin
              “Uhh... OTHER MEN?” -Amanda
         138. “Wait-- you want babies, too?” -Katie
              “Heck, yeah!” -Amanda
              “...You’d make a TERRIBLE mother!” -Katie
         139. “I think I’ll make mac & cheese for Kathy’s parents.” -Doug
              “Oh, THAT’S classy.” -Katie
              “...Well, I’ll add hot dogs.” -Doug
         140. (dinner on Maundy Thursday) “Well, this is the LAST SUPPER we’ll be eating before break!” -Cristin
         141. (Drinking coffee on Easter Monday, after giving up coffee for Lent) “Christ is risen-- he is risen indeed!” -Necia
         142. “I am not gonna fall asleep. I am just gonna fall.” -Blaine (on May Day)
         143. “Blaine, you kind of look like an elf today.” -Andy
              “You kind of look like a horse’s ass.” -Blaine
         144. “I think he’s just funnier when I am not drunk.” -Blaine (about Andy)

              ---

              May Term Quotes

              
              back to top

              1. "Wait... Margaret Thatcher... isn't she... Shirley Temple?" -Doug
                 
              2. "Ooh, Sarah Michelle Gellar.. I'll cut YOU up. Heh heh heh." -Andrea
                 
              3. "Sometimes... I get the feeling that my stomach is eating itself." -Cristin
                 
              4. "Would there be a fine if I threw up on a tulip?" -Cristin
                 
              5. "Ah, hell. Now my arm smells like teat." -Doug
                 
              6. "I'M CRAVING CHEESE." -Andrea
                 
              7. "There are red pubes on your shirt." -Katie
                 "They're probably Doug's." -Andy
                 "Why do you have Doug's pubic hairs on your clothing?" -Katie
                 "We're men. Pubic hair spreads like wildfire." -Andy
              8. "You know, I would never name my kid Colin, because it sounds too much like colon." -Andrea
              9. "Eric and I are going to talk on the phone once a week." -Andrea
                 "Once a week is not a relationship. It's a correspondence. Wait! I mean, it could be a relationship... ah, hell! You know what I mean." -Katie
              10. "It would be just my luck to get pregant without having sex. That would SUCK. I'd start fucking like BUNNIES." -Andrea
              11. "Chili Peppers came onstage naked. Maybe Train will do that. I'm up for some penises." -Blaine
                  "Me, too." -Amber
                  "...And they're up for you." -Katie
              12. "I AM SO SICK OF GETTING JIZZED ON!!" -Katie
              13. "That's cute... but I'd like to be sober if someone proposes to me." -Katie
                  "Yeah... and I'd like to be wearing a bra." -Amber
              14. "I have a stomach-ache from delaying going to the bathroom for so long." -Katie
                  "Isn't there a medical term for that?" -Andrea
                  "Yeah. Urination Prolongation Devastation." -Katie
                  "Yeah!" -Andrea
                  "And if you stop emptying any fluids at all, it's called Excretion Deletion." -Katie
                  "Wouldn't that be just not taking a crap?" -Andrea
                  "No... that'd be Quitting Shitting." -Katie
                  
              15. "Katie, there's going to be a message on the machine from Brad." -Andrea
                  "Okay." -Katie
                  "Well, I'm warning you because I just want to make sure that your ovaries don't dry up." -Andrea
              16. (After Katie spilled iced tea on Doug's bed) "Doug, I'm gonna pour coffee on your bed." -Andy
                  "That's okay, it's already moist from your girlfriend." -Doug
                  "... ... ... ..." -Andy and Katie
              17. "It was YOU last night when I had that erotic dream, WASN'T it?" -Doug (to Andy)
              18. "Blaine said that having cramps is like having shards of glass." -Katie
                  "It IS!" -Andrea
                  "Do you KNOW what it's like to have shards of glass in your uterus?" -Doug
                  "...Yes." -Katie
                  "I don't wanna know how they GOT there." -Doug
                  "...It's from when I fucked that window." -Andrea
                  
              19. "Yeah, and I'm a college student, so I don't have a lot of containers lying around... so I LOVE that resealable package." -Andrea (on the phone with the CHEESE company)
              20. "I now know that Larry got into nine law schools and graduated from OSU in three years as valedictorian--" -Andrea
                  "Wait, he's in law school? Why couldn't he get a fuckin' hotel?" -Doug
              21. "Mrs. Mezeske invited me to stay at their house when she and her husband are going to be Florida. I mean, does she REALLY think I'm gonna sleep on the futon?" -Katie
                  "...Maybe she likes you enough that she doesn't care if you get pregnant." -Doug

                  ---

                  Indigo Girls Concert, Cincinnati

                  
                  back to top

                  1. Kokomo: “That trait is…I was about to say genital. Genetic. I meant genetic.” –Katie
                  2. Kokomo: “I have a sudden urge to ride on someone…behind a semi.” –Cristin
                  3. “What is that acrid smell? …Acrid. What the hell?” –Blaine “Acrid…is that the town we just went through?” –Cristin (In a suburb of Indianapolis)
                  4. (Cincinnati) “Well, guess what? I’m taking a dump.” –Blaine
                  5. (Cincin, watching Oval Opus make asses of themselves) “How about Oval Over?” –Katie
                  6. “Blaine only takes, like, five minutes to get ready.” –Cristin “Well…I’m not wearing a bra.” –Blaine
                  7. ”This blanket feels like…feel it. It feels like toast. …Can I get some jelly for my blanket? Because it feels like toast.” –Katie
                  8. ”Can I turn off the witness now?” –Blaine
                  9. ”All this town has is stop lights and stop signs.” –Blaine “Cincinnati is one big stop.” –Katie
                  10. ”I don’t like this city.” –CRC “I didn’t think you would. Here, put this one in.” –KT
                  11. ”I think she told a bib fib.” –Blaine
                  12. ”I’d like a biggie lemonade…and some directions. We’re lost.” –Blaine
                  13. ”GODBY!!!!!!!!”
                  14. ”I think they must have put …tequila in the bread.” –Katie “That’s probably why I had twelve pieces.” –Blaine
                  15. ”Do you have any floss?” –Cristin “Flaws? No.” –Katie
                  16. ”I’m wondering if you ever go to the bathroom and notice that your piss smells like McDonald’s.” –Katie
                  17. (In the Montgomery Inn restaurant)”I am seriously gonna yak.” –Katie (As a waiter walks by) “Ooh, that wasn’t so good, was it?” –Katie
                  18. ”Can I get a can of whoop-ass?” –Cristin “Can I get a can of directions?” –Blaine (In Indianapolis)
                  19. ”Hypothetically, if there were three girls lost in the vicinity of Indianapolis, and they wanted to get to MICHIGAN…where would they go?” –Blaine
                  20. ”It looks like all these people are going the same way we are.” –Cristin (lost in Indiana)
                  21. ”AAHH! I’m so glad we didn’t go in that hole. Did you see that hole? It was the hole from hell.” –Cristin (back on track in Indiana)
                  22. ”That’s a weird cemetery, don’t you think? Usually they have, like, trees around them or something. That one’s, like, in the middle of a cornfield.” –Cristin “LET ‘EM BAKE IN THE HOT SUN, WHY DON’TCHA?” –Blaine (Somewhere north of Indianapolis)
                  23. ”Census Schmensus, that’s what I always say.” –Blaine
                  24. ”I loved this weekend because, like you said, we learned all the little things about Blaine. And Blaine, I’m not even talking about your chest.” –Cristin

                  ---

                  Fall of Junior Year Quotes

                  
                  back to top

                  1. "Oh, I'm sorry-I almost ran you over, cuz I thought you were Katie!" -Cristin (to Mrs. Irvine)
                  2. "Like you never double-click your own mouse." -Doug
                     "Well, I don't do it to mySELF... much..."-Katie
                  3. "My head is, like, peeling off" -Cristin
                  4. "Our phone used to ring... so it must have been slowly dying." -Cristin
                     "Its rings were a cry for help." -Katie
                  5. "And his BUTT broke my shoulder." -Alicia
                     "... What?" -Katie
                     "Jack Holmes!" -Alicia
                  6. "That's what's good about it, because it's, like, crunchy and squishy." -Cristin
                  7. (eating nutter butter pie) " Actually, I don't think the nuts are chocolate covered." -Cristin
                     "Yeah, they are. Look, I'll suck one off, so you can—oh, my god." -Katie
                  8. "Want some nutter butter pie?" -Cristin
                     "Oh, my god. What is that?" -Bondy
                     "It's orgasm. Orgasm pie."-Katie
                     "Yeah. You'll cream your pants."-Blaine
                  9. "Wouldn't it be funny if we just tied [Blaine] down and fed her cheese?"-Katie
                  10. "I feel like Jesus." -Doug
                      "Why?"-Katie
                      "Because... he's in the light."-Mer
                  11. "I've never had pecans in pasta before." -Katie
                      "Me, neither. I used to not like nuts-" -Cristin
                      "Yeah, that's changed."-Katie
                  12. "I'm sorry, what? I got sucked into the Horse Whisperers."-Kathy
                  13. "Katie, you and your rug. It always ends up curled under our door."-Alicia
                  14. "Look, it bled through this band-aid, too!"-Alicia
                      "Wait, WHAT happened?" -Kathy
                      "She had a blister, and it turned into a lesion. Who knew?"-Katie
                  15. "Alicia and Mer just told me they LIKE George W. Bush!"-Katie
                      "WHY?"-Andy
                      "What would this world be without opposing parties?"-Alicia
                      "... Uh.. .BETTER? Oh, shit. No more republicans." -Andy
                  16. "Alicia, you're talking about evil."-Kathy
                  17. "I'm not feeling at my best right now."-Cristin (hung over)
                  18. "You know that whole thing about me hating Vertical Horizon, and you hating me for it? We both know that's all an act-really, we've always been cool." -JK
                  19. "Blaine and I are going to get married if I'm not married when she's 40, because she'll be at her peak sexual prime."-Doug
                  20. "We were amused by the fact that you said you can't afford to go to Windsor twice, but you spent $150 at Abercrombie."-Katie
                      "Yeah, but Windsor's fleeting. This purchase will last."-Doug
                      "True-but it didn't have to be ABERCROMBIE."-Katie
                      "... They didn't have Structure!"-Doug
                  21. "It's always invigorating starting a new batch of Birth Control pills, isn't it?"-Cristin
                  22. "MEREDITH! Sometimes I think it's a problem when our pineapple turns orange." -Cristin
                  23. "The 'Good News Bible'.. .Ha ha... I mean, have you READ it thoroughly?"-Doug
                  24. "I used to eat grass when I was little...I wanted to be like the horses."-Alicia
                  25. "I'm about to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's."-Katie
                      "Yeah. These cows are gonna kill me!"-Alicia
                  26. "When's Halloween ?"-Cristin?
                      "... October 31st. . . just like last year. . . "-Katie
                  27. "It could be worse...I could have class."-Cristin
                      "Yeah, it could be worse...I could be...being physically tortured...I could have no legs..."-Katie
                      "Yeah. You could be Doug."-Cristin
                  28. "You know what? I'm the only person of any worth in my media class."-Cristin
                  29. "If I ever went to prison, I'd be such a smoker."-Alicia.
                      ".. .I'd start knife fights." -Kathy
                  30. "Katie, why are you wearing Christmas socks? You're out of season."-Doug
                      "I'm out of socks. "-Katie
                  31. "But if we go to your apartment and drink I'll feel like a slob if we just sit there so we'll have to go to a party in which case I'll have to change my t-shirt because I'd feel like an ass wearing a t-shirt-" -Katie
                      "WHY IS THERE FUR IN MY SHELL??!?"-Doug
                  32. "...Nobody loves me."-Cristin
                      "Pssst...I do!"-Katie
                      "GREAT. ... Wanna mess around?"-Cristin "
                  33. "... You know, I really got the best out of this deal, huh?" -Cristin (re: the Jeff-Rob-Cristin love triangle)
                  34. "Hey Doug, we went bra shopping today!"-Katie
                      "Yeah, I heard. . . . I' d be excited for you, but I don't have boobs."-Doug
                  35. "I'm trying to be healthy. You know...cutting down on Advil and wearing tampons for the right amount of time."-Alicia
                  36. "So.. .if we're here, she'll have protected sex??"-Blaine
                  37. "So there's this really hot guy going to Philly. I'm so excited!"-Cristin
                      ".. .Because you CAN'T hook up with him? Because of ROB? Remember?"-Katie
                      "I'm not going to be so good at this."-Cristin
                  38. "Don't do that-you'll screw yourself in the foot, and-" -Alicia
                      "Did you just say. . . SCREW yourself in the foot?"-Katie
                  39. "You can't catch an ear infection!"-Mer
                      "You can too! It's viral. She told me."-Katie
                      "You can’t catch something viral."-Alicia
                  40. "I sometimes study at the Calvin library."-Meredith
                  41. "I couldn't go home with him to his hot tub, because we hardly know each other."-Katie
                      "Katie... you would see his BODY. -Alicia "
                  42. "Don't make me bring out the Nazis!"-Alicia
                  43. "I wish I had lasers I could shoot out of my eyes."-Doug "
                  44. "And you 're going to play with videos in the media room. . . "—Doug
                      "I 'm going to play with videos right now, if you're picking up what I'm throwin' down...” -Katie
                      "What do you WANT?? I don't think Dougie's even home! !"-Doug
                      ("... ????"-Everyone else)
                  45. "Awww... look at those two democrats."-Alicia (re: Jeff and Katie)
                  46. "It's, like, what you do in college. You make snow penises."-Rob
                  47. "Chad Sampson is so sexually frustrated that he can't eat."-Katie
                      "Well, if he would just SHAVE..."-Alicia
                  48. "There are only two men in this world who I can stand with beards. One is my uncle, because he's an overgrown hippie-"-Alicia
                      "And the other one is Jesus."-Kathy
                  49. "I feel like I ate cottage cheese.. .but...I didn't.. ."-Kathy
                  50. “I had a biology partner once who was a freak."-Alicia
                      "Did she smell?"-Blaine
                      "No, she was really pretty."-Alicia
                  51. "Val Kilmer is a work of art."-Katie
                      "Yeah. I would do him. More than that, I would let him do me."-Daron
                  52. "God, it's such a pain to have a dick."-Cristin
                      "No, it has its benefits, trust me."-Daron
                      "You know from how much you've used it, apparently."-Katie
                      "Yeah, how much I've used it."-Daron
                  53. "Jeff just said that it sucks that Bon Jovi won and that he's past his prime big time. ... Uh, I think he just lost a friend."-Alicia
                  54. "Do you like grape nuts, Alicia?"-Mer
                      "Yeah! They taste horrible, but they're good."-Alicia
                  55. "Mer, would you do your list?"-Alicia
                      "Part of it."-Mer
                  56. "I know Leesh is horny at heart."-Doug
                  57. "20 is so old. I mean, it's the oldest we've been yet."-Alicia ("The Dumb One")

                  ---

                  Spring of Junior Year Quotes
                  back to top

                  ---

                  The Apartment From Hell

                  1. "Hey, do you guys want to see a picture of the guy who offered me six white camels to get married?"- Kristy
                  2. Chris will be so happy he'll shit himself." -Ally
                     "I always shit myself when I’m happy." -Katie
                     "I'm always happy when I shit myself." -Rachel
                  3. "Okay, somebody else write that down, because I'm naked and in ecstasy." -Katie
                  4. Okay, this is a hysterectomy. I mean a histogram." -Rachel
                  5. "These are actually really good.. .my mother would like them.. .she lost her tastebuds in the war."-Katie to Kristy about her pecan pie
                  6. "We'll sell Jesus jerky. 'Savor the Savior! " -Ally
                     "Or Jesus push-popsicles. 'And on the 3rd day, Jesus froze again. " -Kristy
                  7. "Travis, would you like to try some Arabic sweets?" -Kristy giving Travis nahkba
                  8. "You're lucky I have some respect for this apartment. Otherwise I'd whip some beef at you." .-Travis to Kristy after the nahkba incident
                     "Are you going to slip me the hot beef injection?" -Kristy
                  9. "Fuck sexual prowess. I'm talking about the Christmas tree."-Doug
                  10. "Doug, you have one choice: pee with us in here or don't pee at all." -Rae "That's a lot of bubbly pissing."
                  11. "I can't get drunk in a messy room." -Katie
                  12. "Apparently, California is going to have a nationwide blackout." -Ally
                  13. "Gawd! Every time I sit down to work, I have to, like shit." -Kae
                      " Gaad. Every time I sit down to work, I have to like, work." -Katie
                  14. " Fuck that bitch." -Rachel
                      "Did you just say 'fuck that bitch?'" -Kristy
                      "I have no recollection of saying that." -Rachel
                  15. "So you want me to take more time out of my day so that by the evening my crotch will itch like there's animals all over it, so you can have better access to it, EVEN THOUGH you don't use it enough anyway?" -Katie
                  16. "Welcome to our den of sin." -Ally
                  17. "Don't do that Katie. It makes your head look like a sphincter." -Kristy
                  18. "Don't chew your warts, they'll spread." -Kristy's suggestion for Vanderprov
                  19. "Kristy, take a bath with Lumpy. It's economics. Saves time and water." -Ally in Kristy's dream
                  20. "And I woke up every day realizing that I hate society." -Katie
                  21. "And dopomine. .. (laughter.) That's a body chemical. Shut up!" --Travis
                  22. "I've been hanging around you too long.. .everything pisses me off now." --Doug to Katie
                  23. ".. .but I have a kick-ass section on the Mormons.. .mmmm.. .Moooormans... Yummy.. .Soy protein be fucked, I wanna make it with Mormon meat." --Kristy
                      " I want to make it with Mormon meat." -Travis
                  24. "I love to see the monkeys fucking." --Rachel
                  25. "It sounds like it's purring. * Purrrr * Purrr * Purrrrrrrrrrrrrr*" -Kristy on her new gel vibrator
                  26. "It doesn't take much to make me happy. I have bananas on chocolate cereal and that makes me happy." --Kristy
                  27. "Why do you look so hot today?" --Katie
                      "'Cuz I have nice clothes on." -Rachel
                      "Did you, like, take a shower or something?" -Katie
                      "No. It's all a facade." -Rachel
                  28. "Maybe if you weren't such a walking fart machine we could talk to you without a gas mask." --Katie
                  29. "Oh my god. The cum comes out both ends." --Kristy to Rachel after she hocked a huge fucking loogie and showed it to us on her tongue
                  30. "There's no apostrophe in 'monkeys,' you skank." --KT
                      "...Oh...is it ‘ies'?" --RKG
                  31. "Stop making fun of me for liking Canadian beer." -JK
                  32. "Okay. I have big boobs. Get over it." -Meghan
                  33. "Nothing says 'I love you' like stainless steel." -JP's
                  34. "Sometimes there are more important things than dietary purity, and right now, one of those things is Dove chocolate." -Rachel
                  35. "No man can hinder me!" -Kr!sty .
                  36. "Ow, my tits! My very small tits!" -Rachel
                      "I'm crushing them inward. You're going to be a man by the end of tonight." -Doug
                  37. "I'm gonna be counseling kids like you." Doug (to Blaine)
                  38. "I'm just like I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.. .and then I think I jst got out of control. Like Chris Farley and his biscuit." -Rachel
                  39. "My mom called me.” -KT
                      "Your mom called me last night." -Doug
                  40. "KT you smell like bacon." --Kae
                      "We're eating Boca burgers." -Ally
                      "KT you smell like bacon because you're a beefcake!" -Kae
                      "Yeah, because bacon is from a pig, not a beefcow!" -Rae
                  41. "Do we have any parmesan cheese?" -KT
                      "Well, I don't have any." -Rae
                      "Well I'm not asking you, Veeeeeegan Schmeeeegan. " -KT
                  42. "Do you like hairy men?" -Daddy Truax (to KLT)
                  43. (While playing Trivial Pursuit) "Jesus, Kristy, let someone else answer!" -Doug
                      (silence) ". ..I was really not popular in high school." -Kristy
                  44. (Katie to Rachel on the phone) "We ate some of your nuts.. ." (dial tone)
                  45. "My god does not have a long white beard." –Ally
                      "My god has a long white beard.. .but it’s between her legs." –-Rae
                  46. (While playing mancala) "We're not playing by your rules." -RKG
                      "We're playing by your mom's rules, which is fuck me anytime you want." -KSP
                  47. "I'm going to shove this clove of garlic up inside my crotch." -RKG (supposedly treating her yeast infection)
                  48. "Every day in this apartment is an adventure." -KT
                  49. "Oh my god, look at the seminary." -KT (the couscous stealing FREAK who is so desperate to be back on the quote board that it's almost pathetic)
                  50. "Everybody needs a spice name now. Doug's 'Ginger', Rachel's 'Garlic'…I'll be 'Paprika’.”'-KT
                      (silence) "...I'lI be 'Dope.’”-Travis
                  51. "Every time she says 'baby' -it's like a soft caress. . ." (Travis reading from T. W. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof)
                      "Yeah that's what it's like when I say 'Baby.'" -Rachel
                      "Yeah, a soft caress or a knife in the back." -Travis
                  52. "Can you guys stop talking about your vaginas for, like, 10 seconds?" --Dave Ovies
                  53. "I don't even want to be 21. It's all too... fast.. .and... furious." -Rachel, after passing out on the toiIet.
                      (After thoughts: R, "It was the drop and fuck, I wasn't that drunk." KT, "I think I was the more aware one…? ")
                  54. "I think…we all need to get laid more often." -Julie Kipp
                  55. "God gave you a big mouth to compensate for a tight pussy." -Kae to Rae, while both are stoned and feeling deeply philosophical.
                  56. "When I get that feeling, I need VEGETABLE healing..." -KT P., in response to Rachel
                  57. "'In the year of our Lord' is written on the back of an alcohol bottle." -Doug
                      "That's because alcohol tastes like shit." -Christina V.
                  58. "Do you have any livestock, Doug?" -Christina "No." -Doug
                      "Why?" -Christina
                      "…Livestock dies." -Doug
                  59. "It's because she says she can't walk through campus without running into clouds of smoke." -Doug (in response to the new smoking regulations.)
                      "I CAN'T WALK THROUGH CAMPUS WITHOUT RUNNING INTO FUCKING CLOUDS OF CONSERVATIVES."- Rachel
                  60. "In actuality, the grand majority of people are just dumb." -Jim Plasman (a.k.a. PLASMA Boy)
                  61. "Katie, I think we should keep the talk about vibrators away from the guys we're interested in." -KL T
                  62. "I have a big-ass science test tomorrow." -KK
                      "I have a big ass." -Ally
                  63. "Any kind of physical intimate contact is a violation of personal space, even if it's a welcome violation. . ." (Kristy, to a silently nodding room) ". . .I hope he violates me often" -Kristy again.
                  64. "So I said no, because I'm weird about stuff like that. I mean I don't want him to think he's paying me for the hot wild sex we're going to have...together. " -Kristy
                  65. "Come on, what's a little oral sex between friends?" -Daron
                  66. "My dad's dick doesn't cum semen, it comes scripture, alright?" -Anonymous PK
                  67. "Even Christ didn't fucking fart at the wedding at Cana." -KT
                  68. "Yeah, so I wear earplugs when I go to concerts now." -Darron
                      "I just don't like sticking things in my ears." -Ally
                      "As opposed to sticking things in your mouth which is A-OK." -Kristy
                  69. "We won't tell Jesus if you won't." --Doug to Dan Lannin, who wants to take a drag of a cig but gave it up for lent (cigarettes, that is.) "Dan, it's not just a one time thing around us.. .we won't tell Jesus about the whole night." -Doug
                  70. "Dude, I don't find that at all cool." -Kristy
                      "That's not anything even remotely RESEMBLING cool. .. Even on a foggy day." -KT
                      "At a good 50 yards.. .with one of your eyes poked out." -Kristy
                      ".. .And the other one blind." -Katie
                  71. "God... why does everyone in Holland have to be straight?" -Rachel
                  72. "Is Rachel okay?..I mean, does she always think she's pregnant?" -Dana
                  73. "I just sometimes get really surprised that my ass can make those kinds of noises." --Anonymous
                      "If you think about what's making the noise, it's the air making your cheeks vibrate.. .it's like your ass is giving you a round of applause." -Kristy
                  74. "We could start a trio." -Kristy
                      "Let's do it." -KT
                      " . . . No, that's only two people." --Kristy (Badump bum chch. . . HA HA.)
                  75. "OK, are you going to put that video in, or am I going to go piss on the floor?" -Ally "Logic" Watt
                  76. (Post Spring break) "I'm disappointed that I didn't say anything funny to myself over break to go on the quote board." --Rachel
                  77. "I had to bribe my brother with booze and women to come to Hope." -Rachel
                  78. "They're playing pool tonight." -Rachel
                      "I once got it on on a pool table..." -Katie
                      "I once got it on under a pool table." -Ally
                      "I once got it on with a pool table." -Rachel
                  79. (On reusing tampons) "No-don't try that, you'll get toxic shock." -KK
                      "Yeah, AND you'll be homeless." -KT
                  80. (About #30) "I still don't get it." -Rachel
                      "There just is no apostrophe in 'monkeys.'" -Katie
                      "So.. .it's just plural? Like, '-ys'?" -Rachel
                  81. "(Upon looking through a biblical concordance) "Habakkuk? . . . " -Ally
                      "Habukkuk of tea." -Katie (Immediately following this comment, Ally snorts her tea.)
                  82. "Girls suck. Guys suck. Why the fuck do we have to have coitus?" -Doug
                  83. "Did you just fart or are you just showing me your pussy?" -KK
                      ... silence. "A little of column A, a little of column B." -Rae
                  84. "I'm sorry do I have a tattoo on me that says, 'Please, defecate in my mouth.'?" -KT on being harassed by random men
                  85. (After quote #83, there was an accosting of a pussy. Wow, what is happening on this quote board? Whoa, is it May Day-what is happening to this apartment on May Day?)

                  ---

                  India Quotes

                  
                  back to top

                  1. ”Sir, there's some confusion down here." --YMCA staff
                     "And there's some irritation up here." --Chacha (Delhi)
                  2. "Have you ever seen an Indian yawn? Maybe yawning is proportional to crotch-grabbing." --Josh (between Delhi & Jaipur)
                  3. "So she said, 'I know you...but I've never met you.'" --Chacha (about Diana Eck) "BOIINNG..." --Blair (Jaipur)
                  4. ”Where exactly do you go to find a ready supply of 800-year-old paper?" --Chet
                     "...The Qur'an?" --Tina (Jaipur)
                  5. We need a washboard. Maybe we can borrow Boyd's ribs for a night." --Katie, doing laundry (Jaipur)
                  6. "Hey, Cool-J wants to talk to you." --Chacha (Jaipur)
                  7. "Maybe when you come back to India, I have BMW." --Kuldeep (Jaipur)
                  8. "You are in the movies? World is not enough. Zero zero seven." --Vicky (Jaipur)
                  9. "Autograph? Autograph?" (Read: "Sign my baby's hand!") --woman on bus (Jaipur)
                  10. "So did you have fun with Cool-J last night?" –Katie
                      "Yeah, I don't really feel much like talking about it. ...Only thing I feel like doing is gettin the fuck outta this town." --Ben (leaving Jaipur)
                  11. "This feels like of cool...you know, with the breeze blowing and all...it could be nice here." --Ben
                      "Bombay's hotter'n shit, Ben." --Jeff (Mumbai)
                  12. "I consider swimming an act of desperation, not recreation." --Chacha (Mumbai)
                  13. "Do you ever get that feeling like, I know I'm going to be in the future... so why can't I be there now?" --Josh (Mumbai)
                  14. "Let me stop begging from you to eat some corn." --Chacha (Mumbai)
                  15. "The Cosmos were not prepared. And not only were they not prepared; they didn't care." --Chacha (Mumbai)
                  16. "THIS IS INDIA!" --cab driver (Mumbai)
                  17. "That's the spirit sinkin in, and you're trying to wash it off with a towelette." --Blair (between Mumbai and Bangalore)
                  18. "I've had more people puke on me than I can count on both hands." --Chet (Bangalore)
                  19. "We'd be up shit creek if we didn't have seats." --Chacha (leaving Bangalore)
                  20. "Anybody got any Tylenol PM?" --Tina
                      "I got a hammer..." --Chacha (between Bangalore and Trichy)
                  21. "Joshie...where you gonna sleep tonight?" --Ben
                      "I dunno. I'm just gonna pee on myself and wallow in my misery." --Josh (between Bangalore and Trichy)
                  22. "You know, the bottom-line problem with this group is that you don't drink enough." --Chacha (between Bangalore and Trichy)
                  23. "I feel like I'm wearing a napkin on my butt." --Tina (Trichy)
                  24. "All these old men hanging out in temples are sitting around remembering their young days, when they used to hang around in temples." --Blair (Madurai)
                  25. "They got my crackers!" --Josh, about the minkies (Madurai)
                  26. "It wasn't really a fight... it was more like a squirmish." --Ben (Madurai)
                  27. (Editor's note: I really feel like there should be a quote in the Madurai section from Blair on his drunken birthday. Like when he spent several minutes eating the rock-hard decorations on his cake, then slowly looked at me and said sagely: "...Don't eat the flower." But it should be noted, for scholarly reasons, that this quote was not in the original document. Well, moving on... )
                  28. "I dunno, this ice cream looks pretty good...I bet the electricity stays on in this place. Look how nice it is." --Ben
                      "Ben, have you ever had your lungs come out your ass?" --Jeff (Chennai)
                  29. (After sitting on a hot ledge): "Blair, do ya still have testicles?" –Katie
                      "I dunno. I'm gonna be giving birth to broiled eggs." --Blair (Chennai)
                  30. "All the kids are going to be running into the ocean with condoms on their heads." --Blair, commenting on a confusing condom commercial (Chennai)
                  31. "Let's have a look at some fine carpets." --carpet salesman (Chennai)
                  32. "Which is your country?" --cab driver
                      "USA. America."--Ben
                      "Me? A Sikh from Bengal." --cab driver (I'm relatively sure this was in Calutta)
                  33. "Actually, I think this guy may know where he's going." –Chacha
                      "Unfortunately, I can't hear a word you're saying. There's a bus in my ear." --Blair (Calcutta)
                  34. "Excuse me. This is very satisfying." --guy, in midsentence, at Dakshineshwar temple (Calcutta)
                  35. "Gosh, Josh, it's gettin kinda full on this bus." --Ben
                      "Full? Do you remember the train? If this bus was full, we'd be suckin nipple right now." --Josh (Calcutta)
                  36. "Hey, that cow is eating Kali-flowers." --Chacha (Calcutta)
                  37. (After dinner) "Man, I'm really craving a chocolate castle right now." –Blair
                      "What is a chocolate castle?" --Katie
                      "...Can't be much different than a cigarette..." --Blair (Calcutta)
                  38. "And she had egg sandwiches EVERY FUCKING MEAL!" --Chacha (between Calcutta and Varanasi)
                  39. "Animist? Feminist? The only mist I am is missed sleep." --Blair (between Calcutta and Varanasi)
                  40. ”This does not necessarily mean that they are gay." --Lonely Planet, describing Indian men's affection (Varanasi)
                  41. "I don't really work in the summer. It's too hot." --Vijay (Varanasi)
                  42. "This restaurant must have been built by the second little pig." --Blair (Riao Restaurant, Agra)
                  43. (After getting her fortune told) "I'm still pissed off that I'm gonna die in 2059." –Katie
                      "You know, in 2060 we're going to have the first female president." --Blair
                      "SHUT UP!" --Katie
                      "And in 2060, they're going to make it legal to spit on graves." --Josh (Agra)
                  44. "I gotta call my mom...I just farted on the Taj." --Ben (Agra)
                  45. (Here's our one serious quote for the month): "There are good, honest, and sincere human beings in this world. If you don't believe that, then make yourself one of them." --Tina (Delhi II)
                  46. "And these people who put contented cows in their bathrooms. What the hell? Cows don't smile like that. They're fat animals who have big balls...and udders..." --Tina (Delhi II)
                  47. "But who is he, really?" --Chacha
                      "Well, that's the ultimate question. ...Besides 'how much is this beer gonna cost me?'" --Blair (happy hour, Kwality Resturant, Delhi II)
                  48. "Well, pretty much all I do is consume alcohol and vitamins." --Chacha (Delhi II)
                  49. "The most important thing is to find someone you love. And if you can't have that, at least have a job." --Chacha (Delhi II)
                  50. (After flat-out refusing to pay a 250 Rp. exit tax): "India has taught us well. Can you believe we just walked into an airport, they asked us for money, and we said no?" --Ben (Delhi airport)

                  ---

                  Mini Mansion Quotes

                  
                  back to top

                  1. “…as Christmas Eve…” - Katie
                  2. “Goofy fucker…it should just be goofy fuck.” – Meghan
                     “That sounds like Disney porn.” – Doug
                     “Goofy fucker is like, Goofy & Minny Mouse, and someone says, ‘Goofy, fuck her!’” – Quincy
                  3. “I don’t know anyone in my class tomorrow…and I don’t know if it’s cooler to go in early or late.” – Meghan
                  4. “Nakedness is like…it’s like good cheese.” - Natalie Dykstra
                  5. “I really should be big right now.” - Jeff
                  6. “I hate how it sounds like people are always breaking into our house, especially when you’re home alone. Maybe we should get a handgun.” - dug
                  7. “We’re fuckin…Bob Vila & shit.” - dug
                  8. “I have ears everywhere.” – Meghan
                     “Yeah, you know how Doug has nipples everywhere, & her ex-boyfriend has balls everywhere? Well, she has ears everywhere.” – Katie
                     “I kind of have eyebrow everywhere.” - Jeff
                  9. “ADDICTIVE? Is that a word?” - Cristin
                  10. “I think it’s so weird that you live with Rob.” – Meghan
                      “I think it’s so weird that we live with Doug.” – Katie
                      “Who?” – Meghan
                      “Who do you think?” - Katie
                  11. “He choked on a pretzel.” – Doug
                      “How do you choke on a pretzel?” – Garret “Well, if you’re a Republican…” - Katie
                  12. “Megs do you want some water? You don’t wanna be hung over.” – KT
                      “I was BORN with hot water.” - Meghan
                  13. “The reason I hate cats is because when I was 13, there was a cat in heat outside my window the entire night. That is the worst sound I ever heard.” – Meghan
                      “You shoulda gone outside and fucked it.” – Katie
                      “Well, that was an option, but my mom wouldn’t let me go outside without my shoes on.” - Meghan
                  14. “I’m discussing Thoreau’s Walden.” – KT
                      “I’ll suggest throwing something.” – Doug “????” – everyone else
                  15. “Do you want some cheese fries?” – Megs
                      “Meghan, there’s a time and a place for cheese, and fries is not it.” - KT
                  16. “Who’s throwing snowballs @ our house? It must be our friends.” – KT
                      “…Who friend?” - dug
                  17. “It’s a really wide glass.” - katie
                  18. “Are you going to bed?” – dug
                      “Yep.” – Megs
                      “Did you finish your cigarette?” – dug
                      “No…I’m saving it for later in the mailbox.” - megs
                  19. (Meghan moons KT & Jeff) “That’s not going to be the first time you’re gonna see my butt, alright?” - Megs
                  20. “I have the perfect mold for my butt right here.” – Dug
                      “If you were in the hospital they would have rotated you by now.” - Dawa
                  21. “Have you ever read ‘Tequila Mockingbird’”? – Doug
                  22. “Oooh I have heartburn.” – Meghan
                      “Look on the bright side, it could be a heart attack.” – J.K.
                  23. “I would die to listen to this song every day of my life.” - KT
                  24. (Katie wearing wrist braces) “I’m gonna punch you in the balls.” – KT
                      “Hey KT, speaking of you & male genitalia, what happened to your wrists?” - JK
                  25. “We could get a romantic porn.” (for V-day) – Cristin
                      “We’re definitely not getting Lips Wide Shut.” – Doug
                      “Stoooooop.” – Wassa
                      “You don’t like porn!?” – Cristin (in utter astonishment)
                  26. “Some people here thought my tax cuts were too big. Others thought they were too small. But when the checks arrived in the mail, most Americans thought they were just right.” – Bush, State of the Union
                      “Oh my gosh…Goldilocks…” - Alicia
                  27. “I’m going to have no life…No…well actually, instead of watching TV I’ll just go to work.” - Cristin
                  28. “We should play this song every time before we go to Parrots.” – Doug
                      “No! It makes me think I’m going to get some there and I’m not!” - Meg
                  29. And he’s moody all the day…all the day? What am I, a folk song?” - KT
                  30. “Som’m tells me they don’t go by semesters over there, h-huh, h-huh.” – Officer Funnyman
                  31. “So you’re stock piling eggs.” – Doug
                      “Yea.” – Meghan
                      “So if you were the last woman on earth…” – Doug
                      “You’d be money.” - Meghan
                  32. So I gotta deal w/ this leak.” – gas guy
                      “Well we can’t be much help…we don’t really know how to do it.” – us
                      “Yeah, I can barely remember…it’s been, like, since, the 70s.” – gas man
                  33. “I dunno why, but I’m just picturing this gas many in shining armor coming.” - Megs
                  34. “Sometimes when I try to go to sleep, I get snood in my head…the same thing happens w/ tetris. I try & make tetris out of bricks on the wall.” - megs
                  35. (KT shopping w/ bookbag) “Why are you bringing that huge bag?” – CRC
                      “Well it’s got my sunglasses, & my tic-tacs, & my cigs, & my tampons…” – KT
                      (silence) “They’re big tampons.” - dug
                  36. “Let’s go to the hot tub!” – Cristin
                      ”Yeah, dug, I don’t even have my period anymore!” – Katie
                      “Katie, that won’t make him come more.” – Alicia (a silence falls over the room)
                  37. “Why do I care about this exam? It’s my last semester!” – KT
                      “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I read a 300 page book cover to cover to write a 5 page book report that counted for 10% of a class that I pass/failed.” - Jeff
                  38. “We just wanted to prove to Andrew we weren’t afraid of the weiner.” - Wassa
                  39. “If I were a baleen what, I’d be a baleen whale…drunk.” - Dawn
                  40. “I practically marched w/ Malcolm X.” - Meghan
                  41. “I don’t need to see any more cute sacks.” - Wassa
                  42. “Who is this guy? What is he talking about? Did he win something?” - Megs
                  43. “Maybe you need a cigarette, dude. You know you’re addicted to nicotine.” – Megan
                      “I’m not addicted. I quite every time I go home.” – Wassa “That’s fear.” - Doug
                  44. “Did you know using porn as a means of education is legal?” - Doug
                  45. “Oh, I’m so excited because [mumble]…” – Megs
                      “What?” – Katie
                      “Because my friend Sara’s coming!” – Megs
                      “Oh. I thought you were excited b/c you’re taking a shit.” – KT
                      “EW, No!……but I am, kind of, because I’ve had to go for hours.” - Megs
                  46. “So our alarms were going off, like, every 3 minutes, and we were pressing snood –“ - Meghan
                  47. “These alarm clocks are an obstruction to justice!” – Katie (half-asleep)
                  48. “Oh my God, I can see my mullet in my shadow!” - Jeff
                  49. “Doug you’re way more than five inches.” – Wassa “Never say that.” - Doug
                  50. “Oh my gosh, I feel like we’re at summer camp gone wrong!” - Wassa
                  51. “Katie, if I kick your ass, your 1st shot will be in my balls.” – Jeff
                      “That’s my defense, dude.” – Katie
                      “Katie, that’s a good self-defense technique, but not a good way to make friends.” - Jeff
                  52. “…College was like one long band camp.” - Jeff
                  53. “Wait, did she write that before she died?” - Katie
                  54. “If you are gonna fart, could you please do it with your face?” – Jeff (to Quincy T. Marr)
                  55. (A week after spending 3 hours in Office Max and buying a pack of four folders – Meghan, opening her merchandise) “Man…the picture makes it look like this thing holds way more than it does….(disdainfully) crock o shit.” - Megs
                  56. “Are they having an open house across the street?…DID FAT MAN ON A LITTLE BIKE GRADUATE????” – Meghan

                  
                  back to top

                  ---

                  Alicia's Wedding Quotes

                  
                  back to top

                  Quotes and Happenings
                  Leesh’s Wedding Weekend/Party Posse Reunion – June 2003

                  Thursday, June 5
                  Bachelorette Party

                  7:41 pm
                  “What’s up with your exits here? Ours go by mile markers...” – Mer and Crc
                  “Oh ours are just numerical. ...I meant numerical like consecutive.” – Leesh.

                  7:43 pm
                  Crc and KT simultaneously flip off Leesh.

                  7:47 pm
                  Upon arriving to Casa D’Amici
                  “You rented the whole restaurant?” -Leesh

                  8:32 pm
                  “The only problem with Baptists is they don’t hold them under long enough.” -KT
                  “I’ve been around Adam too long...I thought you were talking about killing kids.” -Leesh

                  8:40 pm
                  “I have something old, something blue, something borrowed...and what was the other one?!?!” -Leesh

                  9:05 pm
                  “Can I clear some of those plates for you?” – Casa
                  “Yeah, Leesh is going to need room for her giant-sized vibrator.” -Crc

                  9:15 pm
                  Leesh hops around like a bunny after much prompting. A “kind man” adds a cowboy hat to the mix.

                  10:20 pm
                  Blindfolded, Leesh orders a Rolling Rock from an empty pizza parlor.

                  10:30 pm
                  Leesh gropes a large “cock.” (starting at the balls...) And we all get educated on the joys of blow jobs and vibrators.

                  10:35
                  We have a beer at the bar of the crabbiest man ever.

                  10:46 pm
                  We discuss chocolate vulvas and how hard they are to find.
                  “I’ve gone to dipping my own, actually.” – Stacy

                  10:55 pm
                  “I’ve never worn a ring on that finger because it freaks me the fuck out.” –Blaine

                  11:25 pm
                  “I can’t wait to wear my new pink dress!” –KT

                  11:31 pm
                  “You guys are all invited to my wedding and I’ll do anything.” – Blaine

                  12:53 am
                  “That’s all I’ve spent the year doing...working and getting married.” – Leesh

                  12:57 am
                  Crc blows on her penis whistle and acts generally intoxicated.
                  “Congratulations... (pause, and then, looking smug..) ..I know..” – Random man

                  1:10 am...randomly...
                  “Guys...., never trust truck drivers.”

                  ...silence....

                  “They’ll kill ya.”

                  ....more silence...

                  “I’m serious, I saw two movies on it...”

                  ..silence..

                  “Joy Ride and Breakdown.... They’ll rip your jaw.” - Leesh

                  Friday, June 6
                  

                  Before noon
                  (at Perkins)
                  “I’ve had a long day.” –our waitress

                  12:09 pm
                  “That’s the old make-out spot... Not really sure why the mailmen are there.” –Leesh

                  1:40 pm
                  Leesh packs for her honeymoon.
                  “I’ll take that shirt!” (pointing to red and blue striped shirt) –Leesh
                  “Yeah.... (sarcastically)... Because that’s so sexy and cute... No, no, something pink.” –Lori Jean

                  1:50 pm
                  “Do you fit into this (dress)?” –Lori Jean
                  “Yes I do, it’s from Spain.” –Leesh

                  1:59 pm
                  “The sex bag....it was a book bag at one time.” -Leesh

                  2:20 pm
                  We’re lucky enough to get to see Leesh and Adam dance. Adam does the booty dance.

                  2:45 pm
                  “Ok Adam, when I come over I want to hug you and Leesh...so I’ve got to get to know you.” – Crc

                  that evening...
                  The college kids go drinkin’ with the high school kids without the common bond of Leesh and Adam actually present.

                  Saturday, June 7
                  The Big Day

                  7:30 am
                  “My breath is horrible.” – Crc
                  “Yeah I’m not saying I attract women...I’m just saying I need like a pick-ax and.....(drifts off)” –Doug
                  “Good one.” – Crc
                  “...I’m very tired.” –Doug

                  8:10 am
                  “Wait...this shirt didn’t iron itself over night?!?!” –Lubs

                  at the reception
                  We are seated at table 13 because as Stacy points out, Leesh knows we are never getting married. We proceed to build a Doug Turk tab and devour three bottles of champagne along with large glasses of punch and other liquors. We may or may not have been the only people at the reception drinking.

                  Sometime post reception....
                  “I’m really cold.... ... I’m really drunk.” -Stacy

                  10:45ish pm
                  The Reinhardt Kid Bet is formed. $35 to whoever guessed correctly on the birth of Alicia and Adam’s first child:
                  Doug – January ’06
                  Mer – April ’06
                  Lubs- November ’06
                  Crc – March ’07
                  KT – August ’07
                  Blaine – October ’07
                  Stacy – February ’08
                  

                  11:30 pm
                  “Do that undulating thing with your back again.” –KT
                  “I DON’T KNOW WHAT UNDULATING MEANS!!!” – Blaine

                  and into...
                  Sunday, June 8

                  12:00 am
                  “What’d I forget?” – Sapphire
                  “A rag.” –Crc
                  “A reg coffee?” – Sapphire
                  “A rag.” –Crc
                  “A reg coffee?” – Sapphire
                  “Sure.” -Crc

                  12:25 am
                  “All the ice is gone.” – Mer
                  “Have that girl stare at your water.” –KT

                  12:31 am
                  “You guys look like a postcard for like... Will and Grace.” – KT (referring to Doug and Jeff)

                  7:45 am
                  “What time are you leaving?” –KT
                  “8:30 at the latest.” –Crc
                  “So if you don’t leave by 8:30 then you’re not leaving...?” –KT

                  8:20 am
                  We make a pact that we will meet again next summer.

                  ---

                  ---

                  Posse Reunion Quotes
                  back to top

                  En Route to Posse 2004

                  1. “We might as well rock the fuckin suburbs.” - Jeff
                  2. (Friday night) “Jeff, stop eating Mentos! You have an oral fixation. …You need to eat more pussy.” - Katie
                     (Saturday morning) “Katie, you know how you told me I had an oral fixation? Well, last night I had a dream that I was performing oral sex.” - Jeff

                     Saturday

                  3. “We should have brought photo albums…” - Katie
                     “Do you know what the photo album from the last year of my life looks like? 200 pictures of my dog. Which I brought.” - Cristin
                  4. “I had a sex dream. Has anyone here not heard about it?” - Jeff
                  5. “Holy SHIT, dude. …You need to get flower boxes.” - Katie
                  6. “Dammit, boobs! You’re making me hiccup!” - Mike
                  7. “Why do we keep getting the hiccups?” - Cristin (to Katie)
                     “You guys should just make out. Because… I don’t know.” - Mike
                  8. "He’s got a condo. He’s beyond us.” - Alicia
                  9. I never thought it was blurry… till I wore these glasses.” - Cristin
                     “It’s like Brita. You never know it’s bad until you drink the Brita.” - Alicia
                  10. (Playing Phase 10) “I skipped you so I could kiss you.” - Mike
                      “Ewww.” - Cristin
                      “Eat a dick.” - Mike
                  11. (Playing Phase 10) “It becomes a job after awhile.” - Jeff
                  12. “Do you ever let Doug take the placebo pills?” - Adam
                      “Noooo. Have you ever taken them?” - Blaine
                      “No. She won’t let me.” - Adam
                      “Do you want some of mine?” - Blaine
                      “…Seriously?” - Adam
                  13. “Just don’t let him blow it all in you.” - Mike
                  14. “If it’s all sugar pills, pass ‘em out.” - Adam
                  15. (In the singles’ bedroom) “Let’s be real quiet and listen to the couples’ conversations. And by conversations…” - Jeff

                      Sunday

                  16. (Alicia waterskiing) “Where’s she learn how to do that?” - Katie
                      “She watches TV.” - Adam
                      
                  17. “Some people…I just want them to leave.” - Cristin
                      “I just want them to leave… and get sick.” - Blaine.
                  18. “David, do you want to stick around and go skinny- dipping?” - Katie
                      “Sure.” - David
                      “Sunday night is skinny-dipping night.” - Katie
                      “Oh, well, if it’s not tonight, I can’t.” - David
                      “…David, it’s Sunday.” - Katie

                      Monday

                  19. “Buy our CD! It comes out October 2004.” - Blaine (to passers-by, during the posse photo shoot)
                  20. “Circ, whatcha gonna do with all these pictures?” - Katie
                      “I don’t fuckin know.” - Cristin
                      “Ahem… Parents…” - Jeff
                  21. “Where’s Jeff?” - Doug
                      “Yeah, anybody seen him?” - Jeff
                  22. “You guys, I really need a full-body massage and Jeff wouldn’t agree to do it.” - Katie
                      “Oh, he’s gonna be doing it later when we’re skinny-dipping… and he’s gonna be doing it from the INside.” - Doug
                  23. “Doug’s practicing for when we’re naked later.” - Jeff

                      Tuesday

                  24. “What does he expect you to hang on your earring?” - Cristin
                      “He said to hang my keys.” - Doug
                      “…Good thing none of us are janitors.” - Blaine
                  25. “How’s the college boy?” - Meredith
                      “He’s good. He’s sleeping in a tent with my brother right now.
                      “So any Paarlberg’ll do?” - Adam
                  26. “There are ants in my pants!” - Doug

                      Wednesday

                  27. “I have to go get this shit out of me.” - Blaine
                  28. “Okay, this sounds weird, but I love folding Doug’s underwear.” - Blaine
                  29. “Why haven’t we played the question game yet?” - Katie
                      “I don’t really think this is the appropriate milieu.” - Doug
                  30. “Blaine, you do not look comfortable.” - Meredith
                      “My mouth tastes like blueberry goodness.” - Blaine
                  31. (Jeff tying the boat; Katie in the way) “Jeff, did you want me to move? …OR DID YOU WANT ME TO DO THIS? (slaps his ass)” - Katie
                  32. “Kate number one was a bitch. Kate number two I love.” - Blaine “Kate number three is a dog.” - Jeff

                      Thursday

                  33. (Romanian athletes talking to one another at the Olympics) “Why don’t they speak English on American TV?” - Adam
                  34. “Ohhh… sports. Cristin, you were supposed to be watching him.” - Doug
                      “Doug, you’re supposed to be a man.” - Cristin
                  35. “I would think, as an Olympian, ‘do I want a medal, or do I want a boyfriend?’” - Blaine
                  36. (Watching a Romanian gymnast on the balance beam) “She must be a fireball in bed.” - Doug
                  37. (Still watching a Romanian gymnast on the balance beam) “She’s gotta be completely shaved.” - Cristin

                      Friday

                  38. “Has everybody had a good time, or is someone like, ‘Aaaahh, I’m gonna cut out next year?’” - Blaine
                  39. “We went swinging and I beat Mer.” - Doug
                  40. “I understand your reasons; I just like my cow.” - Jeff
                  41. “No, I don’t care about the skinny! I just want to dip!” - Katie
                  42. (To Doug) “If you want these [boobs], you have to come this way… No! Adam, not you! Look away!” - Blaine
                      “…They’re just so… big…” - Adam
                  43. “When I have kids, the first time one gets a bra, I’m gonna be like, ‘Pull ‘em up in there, chick.’ No one ever taught me that… it was, like, me against the world.” - Cristin
                  44. (After Margarita’s) “Anybody want coffee? I can’t decide if I do or not.” - Katie
                      “I dunno. I gotta piss, and poop, and…barf…” - Cristin
                  45. (Arm wrestling Katie) “This is the hand I masturbate with.” - Doug
                  46. “There may or may not have been contact.” - Jeff, after kissing Adam
                  47. (Paying the bill) “Are we straight?” - Adam
                      “We are… I dunno about you anymore.” - Everyone else
                      “Hey, I’m the only one here with a wedding ring on.” - Adam
                  48. “I feel like we walked all over creation” - Blaine
                      “I feel like I’ve eaten everything in creation” - Cristin
                      “Me, too. …And it was gooood.” - Katie
                  49. “I think I’ll miss you most of all, scarecrow.” - Adam (to Doug)

                      Saturday

                  50. “Meredith was like, ‘I never get angry. I don’t know how to do it.’” - Cristin “I don’t wanna be around when THAT bomb goes off.” - Doug
                  51. (After five minutes of silence) “…I really think Adam needs to be added to the email list permanently.” - Jeff
                  52. “…TOLL plaza?? I just PAID. …No fair.” - Jeff
                      (Katie cracks up)
                      “…You’re such a quote-slut.” Katie

                  ---