50 above - New Yorkers turn on the heat. Canadians plant gardens.
40 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians sunbathe.
35 above - Italian cars won't start. Canadians drive with the windows down.
32 above - Distilled water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker.
20 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves & wool hats. Canadians throw on a t-shirt.
15 above - Californians begin to evacuate the state. Canadians go swimming.
Zero - New York landlords finally turn up the heat. Canadians have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
10 below - People in Miami cease to exist. Canadians lick flag poles.
20 below - Californians fly away to Mexico. Canadians throw on a light-weight jacket.
40 below - Hollywood disintegrates. Canadians rent videos.
60 below - Mt. St. Helen's freezes. Canadian Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
80 below - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
100 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadians pull down their ear flaps.
173 below - Ethyl alcohol freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.
297 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products. Canadian cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 below - ALL atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying "Cold'nuff for ya?"
500 below - Hell freezes over. The Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

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