And what is the sun....
Friday
I don't know the date, 1999
BalaclavaI feel strange. I left my job a while ago. Went overseas, and now I'm not seeing anybody or doing anything much. I'm supposed to be looking for a job, fixing my resume, doing other stuff - but most days I find it hard to get out of my pj's before Scott gets home.
I feel paralysed. I know I should take my own advice and stop all this, get up early, fix my resume, and send it out. But I sit here, sleepy, bored and flat.
Defensive all the time, jumpy and edgy - in anticipation of grief over my jobless state, I'm hard to live with. I'm trying to play good housewife, but I can't seem to muster the energy to do that even.
Although on the up-side ~ I seem to be quite able to spend many hours on my University work - something I've NEVER done before, and in some ways it's soothing. Learning for learning's sake. But it's a distraction - if it wasn't that, it'd be cooking or cleaning or walking or some other foible to bide the time. I seem to be sucking up a few hours with the internet as well.
I need to rid my house of cobwebs. I need to find a good second hand bookstore. I need to walk out of the house for coffee. (after I find a good book in a second hand bookstore.) I'd like to feel a little motivated. I'd love to call the "Citizen's Advocacy Bureau" and volunteer my services - their ads are always in the local paper. I want to DIY my wardrobe and other little projects. But it always gets back to the strange view I have on this stuff - I can't occupy myself with DIY or anything else - because I haven't applied for any jobs. I haven't of course applied for any jobs so no DIY (or anything else for that matter) is getting done, and I'm locked in this awful cycle of doing nothing.
I'm going back to bed.
Music
The Dirty Three
Ocean Songs
Thanks Geocities, get your Free Homepage Here
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