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Mustache Mania

Thursday November 12 1998

6Th Edition

Welcome to this issue of Mustache Mania. This issue will contain a new recipe for all you alcohol lovers out there, Classified adds, Stories, predictions, and much much more.

First up Christmas is just around the bend, I was reminded when my land lord needed a place to stash her presents for her kids. I personally never start my Christmas shopping till about 3 days before Christmas day. I guess what i am getting at, I would like to know when you start your Christmas shopping, If in advance or last minute along with any crazy stories about Christmas shopping.

JUST ASK ALICE!!

Got questions that need answering? Got issues you need to deal with? If e-mail justaskalice@hotmail.com Your e-mails will be totally confidential, and will not be published in this newsletter without your permission.

***NOTE*** Just Ask Alice is not a part of Mustache Mania.

This was sent to me by one of my friends, and I thought it was very true and funny as hell.

Signs you're not in college/university anymore:

- Your salary is less than your tuition.

- Your potted plants stay alive.

- You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

- You have to pay your own credit card bill.

- You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.

- 8:00a.m. is not early.- You have to file for your own taxes.

- You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.

- You're not carded anymore.

- You start watching the weather channel.

- Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.

- You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.

- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 15.

- You go to parties that the police don't raid.

- You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.

- Your car insurance goes down.

- Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren.

- You feed your dog Science Diet instead of Taco Bell.[Lance's breeder would contest that there's not much difference between these two though...]

- You're waking up at 6 am instead ofgoing to bed

- College sweatshirts are 'casual' instead of dress up.

- Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.

- Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.

- Dinner and a movie

- The whole date instead of the beginning of one.

- You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

- Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.

- Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work, not video games.

- Golf is beginning to seem a lot less silly.

If you have anything like this and would like it published in Mustache Mania please send it to mustachemania@hotmail.com

Dashka posted the following in NEGZ chat, I almost busted my spleen reading this. Thanks Dashka!

A Woman's Random Thoughts

Skinny people piss me off! Especially when they say things like, "You knowsometimes I forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat.You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. A friend of mine confused her vallium with her birth control pills.She had 14 kids, but she doesn't give a shit. They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body,how'd you like to go to the nine o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "listen bitch... do it and you die." The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing . . . . and then they marry him. Gay, straight... they all want blow jobs. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impluse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day. I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their shit. "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?"

If you enjoy alcohol as much as some do you may want to try this concoction out

Three wise men

1/2 oz. Jack Daniels, 1/2 oz. Johnny Walker, 1/2 oz. Jim Beam,

after about 4 or 5 of these boys, the world just seems more fun..: ) try it and see what you think.

Thanks Captian Rat for that drink idea :{Þ)

If you have any great drinking mixes please send them to mustachemania@hotmail.com

Recipe for my own personal Killer Chilli

1-2 lbs of lean ground beef

1 can of "pork and beans"

1 can of red kidney beans

1/3 bag of Chilli powder or to tastse

6 Habenaro peppers or to taste (fresh)

4 Habenaro peppers or to taste (dried)

1 green peppers (or red peppers look pretty in it)

3 hot peppers or to taste

4 Jamician hot peppers or to taste

8 jalipno peppers or to taste

1 large can of tomato sauce

1 can of stewed tomatos (optional)

1 onion

Cut up all (except the dried habenaro peppers)peppers in fairly small piece *warning the hot peppers can burn your skin, wear glove when handling them especially the habenaro pepers and wash hands really really well especially before going to the bathroom!!! I can't stress that enough!!* The green pepper can be cut in larger pieces than the hot peppers. cut up onion and and put in a frying pan with a little bit of water and cook on medium-low till peppers are soft

Take the ground beef and and brown in a large pot, and drain some. One the peppers and beef is brown mix in the pot. Add every thing else and mixe. You can leave the dried habenaro pepper whole. Leave the pot covered and let simmer for 1 hour....I personally let it simmer for 2-6 hours to let the flavor blend even more.

You may want to take out the driend habenaro peppers before serving...I personally leave them in, but I like hot stuff.

This can be served as is or on a tortilla shell with some sour cream...left overs i eat on tortilla with sour cream and add hot sauce.

*****WARNING THIS IS HOT CHILLI GARENTEED TO MAKE TO SWEAT AND MORE!!!!!********

ATTENTION ROCKWEB/NEGZ REGS.

Please if you haven't already get a hold of Tanya about the meeting tmcnew@hom.net or goto http://members.tripod.com/~d_7/regz.html

Prediction:

1) Bill Clinton will cut a deal with "Hollywood Hogan" (Hulk Hogan) not to run for president in the 2000 election.

2) Beavis will starr in his own home-made porno flick.

3) HULK-A-MANIA WILL NEVER DIE!

Classifieds:

Wanted: Aerosmith mp3 song "What it takes", "Some body kill me" Adam Sandler, the wedding singer. Please e-mail Ben at mead1a@hotmail.com or ICQ 5160216

Wanted: Anyone interested in being a assistant editor for Mustache Mania if so contact our office at mustachemania@hotmail.com

In the last issue i had on response to the question "If you are up to your neck in shit and someone was about to puke on your head would you duck?" I had one person respond...Their response was "I'd move aside" un fortunatly you have to take the shit or the puke one or the other...Please send in your answers to mustachemania@hotmail.com

This week's puzzle will be a constant part of Mustache Mania for the next while. To play read the lyrics below, and e-mail me the song title or singer or writer. Each week there will be a different song and points will be tallied at the end of the year.

week 1:

"If your ass is a Chinese resturant I'll have the poo-poo plater; My friend Jerry Vandergriff kissed me in home EC. class; Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass; I said guys I'm like you I like monster trusks too; Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?...."

_{This has been a mustache Mania production ©1998. All Mustache Manina products logos are trade marks and owned by Mustache Inc. Fell free to send this to anyone. Any unautherized reproduction in whole or in part will result in prosicution to the full extent of the law}

©1998