By Marc Connolly
ABC Sports Online

Excuse me for being a tad melodramatic, but this is the simplest way to properly give a Columbus family its due:

There are allegorical college football rivalries and then there is Michigan-Ohio State. There are hundreds of maniacal chug-beer-until-your-face-is-green tailgates at college campuses and then there are Ohio State tailgates. Then there are crazed Buckeye fans, and then there are the Leases.

So, by the powers vested in me, I hereby proclaim the Lease clan and all their disciples as the best college football fans in America.

The qualifications for such an honor are simple:

1. Tailgate religiously at every game (including all road contests and Bowls) for a "name" college football program.

2. Have a posse big enough to put Mace and Puff Daddy's crew to shame.

3. Own at least one set of team-related vanity plates, no matter how geeky.

4. The group's ringleader must be able to cook a mean flank steak, drink a 40-ouncer of Pabst and talk to the local talk radio ignoramus on a cell phone - in a monsoon - at the same time.

5. NEVER, EVER pull out the face paint.

If you haven't visited Buckeyeland in the fall, I can honestly tell you this list only disqualifies half of the population outside of the 'Shoe on Saturday afternoons. But no one I found can touch Jerry and Linda Lease, the Parking Lot King and Queen, in terms of carnivores served and OSU mobs created.

"I haven't seen a better tailgate than here," said Jerry, the President of a real estate development/investment firm in Dublin, Ohio. "And I'd like to think ours speaks for itself."

You don't have to be self-titled "Tailgating Guru" Joe Kahn to realize the Lease's spot on the grassy knoll just off Woody Hayes Drive and on the banks of the Olentangy River is the place to be.

First of all, there are upwards of 200 red-clad diehards surrounding the makeshift camp. And they all bring something to the table each week, ranging from expensive pastries to kegs of Milwaukee's Best. When you spend upwards of 12 hours in the same spot (not including time spent in the stadium), there's no such course as "lunch." The grill is lighted the second the Leases arrive until it's time to pack up. And before the day is over, Papa Lease pounds more meat than Rocky Balboa ever did.

"Most of the time we go through at least three or four different meals," said Jerry. "Last week, I served steak sandwiches for 140 of us, never mind all the other food."

Unlike most college football tailgaters, the Lease Diner stays open long after last call of Buckeyes games. I'm not sure how they do it, but the Leases have a 35-inch television rigged up to Direct TV (you can't miss the satellite coming out of their van), a VCR and a sound system that any metal head would torch their Ozzy shirt for.

They bring their show on the road for every away game too, no matter where the game is played.

"I've flown home from Japan for three Michigan games and an Iowa game," said Lease, who received his MBA from Ohio State in 1982.

Considering Jerry has missed only two games since 1968, he and Linda have made hundreds of friends ("Even from Michigan!" adds Linda.) wherever they've gone. The Lease family is quick to give props to the party scenes at Penn State, Michigan State and the Rose Bowl, where Jerry once drove 2,231 miles in 31 hours from Colorado to see his team play (Yep, do the math, he was doing 80 most of the way).

So, if you're a traveling Bucks fan in search of the Lease tailgate, there are a few ways to find them. For one, they are usually the biggest tailgate no matter where they go.

"People usually think we're the OSU hospitality section," said Linda.

Then there's the now infamous "Tailgating Causes Accidents" sign, which serves as their unofficial gateway to the madness. I snapped a picture of this sign when I met this group back in October for the Penn State game, and sent it back to my boys in New York so they could post it on our site.

"John Jr. (Coach Cooper's son) came over and hung out with us in Iowa City because he recognized our sign from your web site," wrote Lease to me in an e-mail earlier this month.

The group even has their own 1-800 number. Whether the Buckeyes are in Ann Arbor or New Orleans, one can call their number anytime during game week to find the exact location of the tailgate.

If all else fails, look for the following four license plates: GO BUCKS, GO BUCX, GO BUCKZ and GO BUXX.

The clincher in naming them the top group of fans in the country is their connection to the players and the program itself.

Since so many of the players' families have joined the Lease contingent over the years, their tailgate serves as the unofficial hangout for many of the Buckeyes after the game. When I visited in October, they had just finished eating birthday cake to celebrate Rodney Bailey's (a sophomore defensive end) 19th birthday. OG Kevin Loadman and DT Joe Brown (pictured to the right with Jerry, Linda and Bailey) are also considered friends of the extended family. Helen Cooper (John's wife) has even stopped by in the past. The coaching staff knows all about them too.

"We're often here long after they stop watching films, even after a loss," said Lease. "We've sat here until past midnight with a bunch of the players after being here since 6 a.m."

One more thing -- Jerry was friends with Woody.

They became friends during the 70's after Jerry drove him to a speaking engagement one night. He then helped Woody recruit players several times, since alumni were allowed to do so back then.

"You can't do that no more, because all the guys down South cheated so much," said Lease, who recommended Mike Tomczak to Earle Bruce years later.

That's a loyal fan for you.

I can't make it out to Columbus this weekend, but Linda is extending the tailgate to the ABC building here in New York since we're airing the game on Saturday. She's sending a couple of batches of her homemade buckeyes (an Ohio delicacy, I guess) for anyone at ABC who can't be there.

If history means anything, Ohio State will lose to Michigan again this year. But I can tell you this much, no visiting Wolverines tailgater will outshine the Leases. If you're going to be there, make sure you have a cold one with Jerry and Linda for me. And tell them I'll be sure to pull out their 1-800 number if their boys make it to the Rose Bowl.

"Marc My Words" with Marc Connolly is published weekly on ABC Sports Bowl Championship Series Online