Jokes
If you have any cricket jokes that I can add email me.
The sound that you would have heard was that of Bill Lawry laughing.
English Tour To Australia Jokes.
Why didn't Allan Donald run , cause he couldn't understand ZULU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to Andy Papas who sent this one in (referring to 1999 World Cup semi-final).
Once when the Indian team was returning back home after losing a series of matches, a reporter asked the coach "Sir, how much time does our team practice in a day?" He replied," To lose, no one has to practice."
Thanks to Suneet Kumar for sending this one in.
From "Sports Jokes" by Max Walker and Brian Doyle.
As the batsmen passed the man in the white coat, he said, "That was never LBW - you need glasses."
And the man in the white coat replied, "so do you mate, I'm selling ice-cream."
Dennis Lillee and Jeff Thomson were a fearsome combination, both on and off the green. An interviewer once said to Lillee, "Tell me, Dennis, what would you do if you discovered you had only 30 minutes to live?"
Dennis said "I'd make love to the first thing that moved."
"And what would you do Mr Thomson?" and Thommo said, "I wouldn't move for half an hour."
"Wicket keepers", says Pat, "are all the same in one way. There is no two of them alike."
My wife is really silly, last week she said I treat cricket as a religion.
I told her not be so silly. But if she wanted to discuss it could she please wait until the Reverend Benaud and Father Bill Lawry had finished speaking.
Q. How do you recognise an Australian cricketer at Lord's
A. He's the one holding the Ashes.
He was in and out of the national side for years, so it is no wonder that when asked who was the greatest opponent he had faced he said, "The selectors."
A lucky batsmen is one that is scoring more runs than you.
He's a great bowler, really great. So accurate that he hits the bat every time.
I once bowled to Bradman and had him in two minds. He didn't know whether to hit me for four or six.
English Tour To Australia Jokes.
Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.
Q. What does Alan Mullally put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.
Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an Englishman?
A. An allrounder.
Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
Q. Why don't English fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.
Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his names?
A. A bowler.
Q. What was the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.
Q. Who has the easiest job in the English touring party?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
Q. What advantage do Nasser Hussain, Mark Ramprakash, Dean Headley, Alex Tudor, Alan Mullally, the Hollioakes, Mark Alleyne and Graeme Hick have over the rest of their team-mates?
A. At least they can say they're not really English.
Q. Why is Darren Gough the unluckiest bowler on tour?
A. Because he was born in England.
Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.
Q. What's the English version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.
Q. Who spent the most time on the crease of anyone in the English touring party?
A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.
Q. Who is the best English batsmen on the current tour?
A. Ian Botham.