Murphy's Laws of Paintball


Written by Dan Leger, aka Durty Dan, on rec.sport.paintball

Murphy once said that "Anything that will go wrong, will go wrong at the worst possible moment." Well I sez:

  1. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo, or short on time.
  2. NEVER share a bunker with anyone braver than yourself.
  3. Descretion is the better part of valour. Retreat is the better part of descretion.
  4. The enemy will only attack on two occaisions, when you're ready and when you'r not.
  5. Make it hard for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
  6. No matter how much you carry, you'll always run out of something. COROLLARY: You'll always need what you don't have.
  7. There are only two times when you can get eliminated during a game, when you're alone, or with someone else.
  8. Friendly fire, isn't.
  9. Your paintballs will bounce on him, his paintballs will break on you.
  10. The amount of cover you have in front of you is directly proportional to the chances of someone coming up behind you.
  11. Incoming fire has the right of way.
  12. Any plan, when explained by the team leader, will have as many different interpretations as there are players who have heard it. COROLLARY: No plan survives Initial Contact.
  13. No matter how good you are, when your luck runs out--you're road pizza!
  14. There is always someone better, faster and younger than you.
  15. Professionals are predictable, it's the AMATEURS who are dangerous.
  16. When you think that no one would be foolish enough to hide behind a particular object, a person will shoot at you from behind it.
  17. All things being equal--you really don't have a snowball's chance in hell.
  18. When the enemy is in range--so are you.
  19. The number of players you have with you, in a no win situation, is directly proportional to the number of stupid ideas you will hear to get yourselves out of the situation.
  20. When in doubt, shoot it out.
  21. Never assume ANYTHING.
As far as I am concerned, Murphy was an optomist.

"Teamwork, it gets the job done and gives the enemy someone else to shoot at."

Play hard! Play Fast! Play SAFE!

Durty Dan--Contributing Editor, ACTION PURSUIT GAMES