Dear Fellow Supporters,

Only doom and gloom to report about today. On Tuesday the Latics dropped another two valuable points in a 2-2 home draw with Birmingham City. That followed the 4-0 thrashing at Ipswich Town on the previous Saturday. Talk about coming down to Earth with a burnp! These two results followed the 5-1 humiliation of Swindon Town in the previous game. With only five games left (three away) starting with a trip to Port Vale tomorrow things are beginning to look grim again. Keep your fingers, toes, arms, legs, ears, eyes and anything else you can find firmly crossed for the final run in to the season.

On a happier note congratulations can go out to the new proud father, Thomas Hu, on the birth of his first child, Laurett. It was a doubly happy week for Tom as he won last weeks draw of four units. Good to see that nothing keeps you away from the meetings, Tom.

The Chairman.

Pearce with the kick, the last throw for England - Brian Moore, England v Switzerland, Euro 96.

I was about to say, before something far more interesting interrupted... -- John Motson, France v Bulgaria

Stoichkov is pointing at the bench with his eyes - David Pleat, Radio 5 Live

He's a nice man with a nice family so it will make it difficult to kick him - Tony Adams facing Arsenal teammate Dennis Bergkamp

We'll only be remembered if we win it - Alan Shearer, England

He has been the proverbial brick door - Barry Davies on Mathias Sammer

The only way we will be going to Europe is if the club splash out and take us all to Eurodisney - Dean Holdsworth, Wimbledon

I was shocked when I was first introduced to the fans because they brought out a sheep, cut its head off and then smeared blood over my forehead - Manchester United's Ronnie Johnsen on life with Besiktas, Turkey

There will always be a special place in the game for hot shots like Francis Lee, Alan Hinton and Alan Woodward ... men who leave goalkeepers groping as they blast the ball home from the penalty spot. This trio of modern day spot kick experts would claim a place in most people's sharp shooting hall of fame - alongside Joseph Heath, League football's first ever marksman from the penalty spot.

Joseph who ... ? The man who carved himself a piece of soccer history is little more than a name hidden away in the pages of football history and, to be truthful, Mr Heath (Joseph that is, not Ted) did not exactly set the soccer world on fire when he was playing. But he created history one Saturday more than 100 years ago when he became the first player to score from a penalty in a League game. The date was September 14, 1891 ... the place, Wolverhampton Wanderers' Molineux ground ... the opponents, Accrington Stanley.

The penalty was first introduced by the Irish F.A. for the 1890-91 season and went on to the statute book in this country when the F.A. accepted the new Law in September 1891. Trust the English to lag behind! The first penalty kick to be taken in the Scottish League was hit home by an Airdrieonians' player on June 6, 1891, against a club named Royal Albert. Joseph Heath did not take long to make his mark once the English had accepted the new Law. On the second Saturday of September he set the trail that years later, men like Lee, Hinton and Woodward follow so regularly.

The Birmingham Gazette of September 15 reported the historic moment with none of the hysterical outburst today's Press use for penalties:

".....one of the Accrington half backs acted as goalkeeper and the new rule, which gives a free kick to the attacking side with no-one but the defending goalkeeper in front, was enforced. Heath took the kick and shot the ball through with a clean, hard shot."

The Wolverhampton Express and Star, describing Wolves' second goal in their five-nil win, confirmed that this was the first time spectators had seen the new Law put into operation. Quite naturally, in view of the final score, the Accringlon Observer of the day did not play up the penalty incident. In a short, sharp reference to the historic moment, the paper reported:

"The first half was well contested. In the second moiety, (that's a word you don’t see appearing in football reports these days!) the homesters scored four goals in a very short time, one of these being obtained while Elliott was off the field changing his knickers, (you don't see much of that either nowadays!) while another was scored by a penalty kick under the new rule."

Obviously Mr Elliott's change of dress affected the final result far more than Heath's piece of history according to the Accrington paper! In fact no-one at that game seemed to quite grasp the historical importance of Heath's "clean, hard shot." I doubt whether you will find any reference to Joseph Heath in the annals of the game and he certainly does not appear in the list of soccer's all-time giants. Perhaps it is not surprising. For apart from that penalty, Joseph Heath did not seem to make much impact on the game. According to official League records he played only eight matches for Wolves in the 1891-92 season and then vanished into obscurity.

Never mind, after making history I ask you to raise your glass to the famous Joseph Heath ... The League's first man on the mark from the spot.

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted, "hurrah". Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The Football Association, 1863

1. The maximum length of the ground shall be 200 yards, the maximum breadth shall be 100 yards, the length and breadth shall be marked off with flags; and the goal shall be defined by two upright posts, eight yards apart, without any tape or bar across them.
2. A toss for goals shall take place, and the game shall be commenced by a place kick from the centre of the ground by the side losing the toss for goals; the other side shall not approach within 10 yards of the ball until it is kicked off.
3. After a goal is won, the losing side shall be entitled to kick off, and the two sides shall change goals after each goal is won.
4. A goal shall be won when the ball passes between the goal-posts or over the space between the goal-posts (at whatever height), not being thrown, knocked on, or carried.
5. When the ball is in touch, the first player who touches it shall throw it from the point on the boundary line where it left the ground in a direction at right angles with the boundary line, and the ball shall not be in play until it has touched the ground.
6. When a player has kicked the ball, any one of the same side who is nearer to the opponent's goal line is out of play and may not touch the ball himself, nor in any way whatever prevent any other player from doing so, until he is in play; but no player is out of play when the ball is kicked off from behind the goal line.
7. In case the ball goes behind the goal line, if a player on the side to whom the goal belongs first touches the ball, one of his side shall he entitled to a free kick from the goal line at the point opposite the place where the ball shall be touched. If a player of the opposite side first touches the ball, one of his side shall be entitled to a free kick at the goal only from a point 15 yards outside the goal line, opposite the place where the ball is touched, the opposing side standing within their goal line until he has had his kick.
8. If a player makes a fair catch, he shall be entitled to a free kick, providing he claims it by making a mark with his heel at once. and in order to take such a kick he may go back as far as he pleases, and no player on the opposite side shall advance beyond his mark until he has kicked.
9. No player shall run with the ball.
10. Neither tripping nor hacking shall be allowed, and no player shall use his hands to hold or push his adversary.
11. A player shall not be allowed to throw the ball or pass it to another with his hands.
12. No player shall be allowed to take the ball from the ground with his hands under any pretext whatever while it is in play.
13. No player shall be allowed to wear projecting nails, iron plates, or gutta percha on the soles or heels of his boots.

The final untouched version of the results of the Mr./Miss Men areas follows:

Mr/Miss Silly McQuillan/Kiselich
Mr/Miss Busy Macgregor/Williams/Waygood
Mr. Bump, Crockett
Mr. Grumpy Sweety
Mr. Small McQuillan
Mr/Miss Greedy Wright/Waygood
Miss Chatterbox Andriesse/Kiselich (no men were nominated)
Mr/Miss Dizzy McOuillan/Kiselich
Mr/Miss Uppity Inrig/Prohl
Mr. Tidy Macgregor
Mr. Strong The Chairman/Car
Mr. Skinny Bowman
Mr. Perfect The Chairman (who else)
Mr. Worry Jupp/Wright (no women were nominated)
Mr. Tall McQuillan
Mr/Miss Rush McQuillan/Deren
Miss Quiet Kiselich
Mr/Miss Funny McQuillan (again)/Thompson/Kiselich
Mr. Clean Macgregor
Miss Privvy Prohl

Now for your nominations ...............

Miss Relaxed Pierey
Mr. Business Jackson
Miss Colour Coordinated Piercy
Miss Pouty Prohl
Mr. Ketchup Buhl
Miss PMS Hillier (I think it means Preston Midfield Supporters)
Mr. Worcestershire Payne
Miss Club Herdman
Mr. Paperman Wright
Mr. Hunbry Wright
Mr. Rude Egan
Miss Stinky Smokepot Lawson (that was rude!)
Miss Twins Vasseur/Kiselich