Dear Fellow Supporters,

Team performances continue to be abysmal. Another draw at the weekend at home to Reading means that Oldham are still rooted at the bottom of the league and still looking for their second league win of the season. I think this is a club record for their worst start ever to any season. This editorial was published before Wednesday's third round CC Cup tie at mighty Newcastle United. Last Sunday Newcastle beat Manchester United 5-0 (tee-hee!). What a remarkable feat it would be if the Latics drew or beat Alan Shearer's team in the Wednesday meeting. See the Chairman for the result if you missed it.

The collection for cancer research at a recent meeting raised a total of $44.36 for which we thank you.

It has been brought to my notice that some members have been encouraging writers and/or literary persons to mingle with the true Latics supporters and discuss mundane matters (i.e.. "What colour of lip-stick/nail varnish do you wear?" or "Do you drink Martinis?" ) when the meeting is in session, As you know, matters other than team performances, jokes and topics concerning habitual quaffing of ale are forbidden and as a consequence the Chairman has instigated a new rule which will be brought into immediate effect., i.e.. NO RIFF-RAFF. Anybody who encourages riff-raff to join our merry band is in danger of being carded.

The Chairman.

The collection of gifts for the Christmas Draw is not going too well. At the moment the prize list is as follows:

1) A beer bell
2) One unit

Please donate or encourage a sponsor to donate a gift for the draw which will take place at the last meeting before Christmas. The more gifts we receive the better the draw will be. Get cracking!

Concluding our series on football injuries our Russian born Harley Street specialist consultant, I. Killemoff , reports that the following injuries need no specialist treatment as "the magic sponge" is still the miracle cure that it used to be. Always a surefire way of reviving any kick in the groin, footballers would be up and running around before any physio (sponge man) could get near them to administer the cold compress.

Scurvy
Lack of a decent diet resulted in Vitamin C deficiency and the toothless, balding bandy-legged players we have all seen on Path Newsfilm Eventually the problem was sorted out by the introduction of half-time oranges.

Losing a Leg
Players often mislaid limbs in industrial machinery during their dayjobs, but were allowed to play on with a severed leg, many becoming highly skilled at swinging it like a golf club (Spurs plucky wing half, Arthur Sixpence finished third in the 1903 British Open using his right leg as a sand wedge).

Getting Caught Up In Cables Trailing From An Airship When Cycling To The Ground
There are three recorded instances of this happening to League players during the 1920’s. Each survives but the trauma of being suspended upside down several miles above the North Sea defeated even the healing properties of the physio's sponge and each had to take time off to recuperate.

Fitness Test
Saturday morning team news often refer to players having to undergo a "late fitness test' what exactly does this involve? The idea is to give all the players faculties a thorough going over. The standard FA approved test begins in the gym with a brisk jog up a sharp incline, modelled on the south face of the Matterhorn. There are plenty of handholds to help the ascent but the surface is liberally greased to balance things out. Next step involves dribbling a ball in and out of a line of team-mates standing with one leg raised in the air. To successfully complete this stage, the player must receive fewer than three boot imprints on his torso. After testing physical co-ordination by weaving in and out of an arrangement of traffic cones on a unicycle, the course is completed by a memory test with a trayful of household objects being placed in front of the player for ten seconds before being covered up. The player has to recall seven of them within a minute in order to pass. Many break down with the end in sight. Stuck on six with time running out, and a place in Argentina's 1990 World Cup Final team at stake, Diego Maradona, his face contorted with anguish, somehow summoned up the egg slicer.

Did you know?

Ian Wood made 525 appearances for the Latics between 1966 and 1980. The previous best was the 370 appearances by David Wilson.

Athletics first match at Boundary Park was on 1st. September 1906 against Colne.

In the 1962-63 season the Latics scored 95 goals in Division Four.

Dear Latics Supporters,

ATHLETIC will report a profit of £307,012 for the past financial year to next month's annual meeting. Athletic's reliance on the sale of players to balance the books is very much in evidence in the figures which show the club's overall debts are £2.35 - down from £2.5 m. The sales of Paul Bernard and Richard Jobson helped to produce a £1.2m profit on transfers. That is why the £lm received for Paul Gerrard from Everton, which will be included in next year's balance sheet, is needed to meet the shortfall for the current campaign. Athletic continue to trim their wage bill, although it is still almost £2.6m. It was over £3m during their Premiership days. Chairman Ian Stott's salary rose from £43,583 to £46,833, but his overall pay dropped owing to no bonus being paid this season. The club were also forced to write off £700,000 following Ian Olney's retirement through injury.

Best regards, Paul O'Keeffe.

Reply: And we complain about paying $4.35 for a pint!

Hi, My name's Simon McGrother. I read your letter on the Latics web-site and felt compelled to e-mail you. It is great/fantastic/almost unbelievable to hear that there is such a thriving LSC in Canada. I'm currently working in Greece, but in January I move to New York State for 2 years. I wondered if you had any knowledge of similar underground movements in the USA? or if not, any advice on how to go about setting one up. I assume that of your average weekly turn out of 40 (Abs. Fantastic .... comparable to the average home crowd!) there are some who have never actually been to Oldham, or is British Columbia just full of ex-pat Oldhamers? How on earth do you get converts? I assumed that the only people mad/sad/masochistic enough to support OAFC were those of us dragged there week in week out by cruel and heartless dads!

So what brain-washing procedures do you use to convince once happy and content Canadians to permanently abandon peace of mind and family life in favour of supporting our dismal rabble? If you would be agreeable, I would consider it an honour and a privilege if I could become an associate member of your LSC. If I set up a similar cabal in USA, we could consider affiliating our groups, possibly the start of a huge world-wide movement. Sleepers ready to spring into life when the glorious revolution comes...... sorry getting carried away! O.K. better go. Best wishes to you and your gang.
Simon

Hello Simon,

Good to hear from you in sunny Greece. My only visit was to the isle of Corfu where I enjoyed a fortnight of sun, sand, swimming and lots of Demestica (still my favourite wine from the liquor store). I do not have any knowledge of similar underground movements in the USA but am armed with lots of advice on how to go about setting one up. I should take it up professionally and do workshops on running LSC's around the world. Who knows where it will end. The average weekly turn out of 40 is not exaggerated and most of them have never actually been to Oldham but they know all about the goings on at Boundary Park. Below is a potted history of the LSC and some tips as to how I got converts:

Step 1. I work with about 100 staff. In 1987, when I was working in Canada for a year, about a dozen of us used to go for a drink on Friday after work. Of course I used to rave about Joe Royle and the boys.
Step 2. I returned to Oldham for two years and saw the wonder years of Big Fat Joe's boys when we got to Wembley.
Step 3. I returned to Canada and continued the Friday night thing. As I am a gregarious being I started to keep attendance, in the true Grammar School tradition, to encourage people to attend. I called the meeting the LSC and autocratically named myself ‘The Chairman’.
Step 4. I obtained a sponsor (a local pub who gave us free beer and food).
Step 5. Things developed to the stage where I introduced 4 divisions of 22. Promotion was attained by attendance.
Step 6. We introduced a club logo, T-shirts, personalised beer mats, Latin motto, and in 1996 a club programme to further publicise the happenings at Boundary Park.
Step 7. 1 still have contact with my mates in Oldham who post me photos, Chron. cut-outs etc. for the programme.
Step 8. I bought a computer and wrote to the Latics web-pages. In return I receive letters (e-mail) from around the world to publicise.

We are now sponsored by the Sheraton Hotel in Surrey, BC. If I haven't put you off I would be delighted to enrol you as our first Associate member and look forward to a future affiliation with possibly the first USA LSC. Your letter will be published in this Friday's programme. I am enclosing last weeks list. Unfortunately, I don't yet have a scanner so the logo is missing from the middle bottom.

Keep the faith. I am sure we will pull out of this depressing run and stuff Newcastle in the League Cup. Come on you blues.......

The Chairman.

If you lost a garage door opener last season and have been wondering how to get into your garage ever since, see the Chairman who may have something that may be to your benefit.

Believe it or not..... one of our members drank 3 mugs of falling down water in 0.6 sec. at a recent meeting. The event was witnessed and is being considered for an entry into the Oldham Brewery Book of records.

Our fame is spreading. The following article is from the LATICS REVIEW which is printed and published on behalf of Oldham Athletic Association Football Club Ltd. and is reproduced totally unedited.

YOU’RE THE WORLD’S BEST SUPPORTERS
NEVER mind calling them fans, they're FAN-LATICS - super supporters who are so starstruck by their favourite side nothing will stand in their way of a Latics game. Paul and Jeni Snoddy, from High Wycombe, Bucks, must rank as the most faithful of the Boundary Park faithful.

Come rain, wind or snow and the rare appearance of sun - the pair never miss a game, home or away. Oldham-born Jeni convinced Paul, a Nottingham lad, that Latics were the team to watch and seeing the club has become more or less a way of life, as they travel the length and breadth of Britain watching the side's progress. Both hold season tickets and for long-distance away games they fork out an extra £25 to make sure their pet dog is happily kennelled before setting out, decked in blue-and-white Latics livery.

Jeni and Paul aren't alone in their admiration for the club. International banker Alan Absalom, originally based in Hong Kong and now resident of Tokyo, is another Latics fanatic, who follows every kick via satellite TV and the Intemet from his Far East base. When he's home on holiday in the UK, guess where he spends in spare time! In the Japanese capital Alan isn't alone. One Latics-stuck Japanese restaurant owner has even converted his bar into a Latics shrine, filling it with club memorabilia.

Latics fans are a far-flung lot. There are avid supporters in British Columbia, Canada, South America, Southern Africa and Scandinavia.

Another Netsurfing Latic is Stockholm-based Doug Lawton, a musician and businessman, and once a guitarist for top pop band, Abba.

Probably the oddest Latics fan is Aussie Adrian Daff. from Victoria. Born and bred Down Under. Adrian knew little of British soccer but one day, scanning the weekend results decided to become a fan of the team that had suffered the worst result of that particular Saturday. Latics lost heavily and gained by adding Adrian to their fan club and each year he takes six weeks holiday, coming to Britain to cram in as many Latics games as he can.

"I just felt sorry for the club, even though I didn't have a clue where Oldham was," explains Adrian. "Since then, Latics have been my dream team and I do everything I can to keep up with the club's progress."