Our attendance numbers have been dropping recently and even dropped as low as 28 some weeks ago. Is there 'trouble at 't mill' or am I expecting too much? We even had a week where seven of the Premier League were absent! An inconceivable happening last season. I have never seen so many cards dished out as we have had this year. There are kinks in some of our armour but that must be good news for the chasing pack. Let's try to get back on track. We have even introduced a cabaret act and all to no avail. I will have to threaten you with a "Ferry Across The Mersey" if things don't buck up soon. I am sure the parking charge is not to blame as I don't know of anyone who has not had a refund yet. Please offer your suggestions as to how we can increase our attendance. I suppose it will help when the Latics finally get back into the Premier League.
We are introducing some Dufflecoat Dan (second editions) this season as many members were not around for the first edition and others have forgotten what they were like anyway. If it proves to be popular we might even do a re-run of some Danielle editions too. You lucky people.
Two away defeats have seen the boys drop to thirteenth place in the table and the Latics have
still not won away in five attempts. Not what I call promotion form. As they are undefeated at
Boundary Park, I am expecting another win against Chesterfield tomorrow and hope that they
will begin the climb back up the table where they
The Chairman
Manchester United are so universally despised, they deserve a whole section to themselves.
Never in the field of football conflict has one team been so hated by so many for so much. Why?
Jealousy would say Man Utd fans, rubbish would say. People are jealous of their success, but
no-one is jealous of a Man Utd supporter. It's the last thing in the world you would want to be.
The great sides of the past, provoked jealousy at their success, but never the widespread dislike
of Man Utd fans and the team.
3 main reasons :
- Favouritism. You’re more likely to hear Alex Ferguson criticise one of his players, then see an
opposition penalty at Old Trafford, and if they did get one it would be disallowed.
- The Fans. Lets make a clear distinction here, there's football fans and there's Man Utd fans and
hardly ever do the two go together. For Man Utd fans read Glory Hunter, one of the biggest
jokes about Man Utd fans is that they all live outside Manchester. If there's one thing that unites
Everton/Liverpool/ Spurs/Arsenal, Newcastle/Sunderland fans it is the dislike of Man Utd fans.
To be fair there are some good United fans who can claim to be legitimate fans and are OK
people, if you find one make sure you shake their band and take a photo - they're very rare!
What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and a jet engine??
'The Duke' was a beerhouse which was first licensed in 1875. The first registered licensee was
John Butterworth in 1880 and the pub was owned by J.W. & T. Lees (John Willie Lees' is now
one of the major shareholders of the Latics). It was a Tetley house run by Jack Price on closure
in 1968, and the following year it was demolished for a roundabout. Unfortunately, during a
tea-break in a council meeting, one of the Oldham councillors had put his pot of coffee on the
new plans for the new Oldham By-Pass and someone mistook the ring it left for a roundabout.
One of my claims to fame was that I was related to one of the cleaners at the pub. Such is fame!
No-one used to believe me when I told them that I had sung in front of The Duke of Edinburgh,
but many's the night I was turfed out of the 'Duke' singing my head off.
I. Will B. Drunk
I just wanted to clarify your article from the last programme regarding Livingstone F.C. I used to
play for the team when they were a junior team in the East of Scotland Junior League. Junior
soccer would be like the International League in Ice Hockey. Livingstone actually took over the
franchise of Meadowbank Thistle who played at the Commonwealth Stadium in Edinburgh.
Meadowbank was granted a franchise in the Scottish Third Division in 1974 but due to
underwhelming crowds of 200-300 fanatical fans it was decided to move the franchise to
Avondale Stadium in Livingstone where 2000 fans could be crammed in for one pound each. I
hope this makes it clearer to your supporters.
Tom Hastie (#26)
Thanks Tom,
I have not failed to notice that we now have a professional magician on our books. Is he ever
good? I have a problem though. I have noticed that he always seems to have a camera around
and this worries me. Is he one of the Paparazzi? Are we soon to see our beloved Chairman's
photograph splattered across The National Enquirer? Another concern is that he is very good at
manipulating money and I'm afraid that my change might metamorph into Dinars or Yen and
become worthless. My main worry though is that he might make my pint disappear when I make
a washroom visit. Please advise.
Worried from Whalley.
Dear Worried,
Don’t worry. The Chairman is used to publicity and has assured us that he has nothing to hide.
The media have in the past started all kinds of rumours (they once suggested that he was
changing from a Latics supporter to a Red) but the Chairman is adamant that he is not
concerned in the least, as he is too busy writing his story to sell them about his abduction by
aliens. The money situation is not a cause for concern either as he has agreed to change all
your Canadian Dollars into British Pounds for a small commission. The 'disappearing pint
trick', (OK Chief) is definitely one that you need to consider. My suggestion is to give it to the
Chairman for safekeeping and, save for slight evaporation due to the heating in The Sheraton,
he will guard it for you thereby putting your mind at rest.
My real gut feeling is that he has been sent by Uri Geller to check out the enthusiasm as Uri is
considering buying the Latics! Time will tell.
Dan,
In response to 'Dear Editor' by Ace - In the best interests of all in order to help resolve the
situation and offer other avenues of resolutions I would be honoured to host a suitable poker
game, after the supporters split, for the concerned parties. Monies are not an option.
Signed, Streak
re- been there, done that, signed Streak - To resolve 'the situation' of'
Ace I suggest bare bungee jumping. The one who hangs the best at the
end wins fair Jilted.
Gutterball.
Dan says...... I will be glad when the situation is finished. I wonder who
Gutterball is?".
A team is like a nice clock; if just one piece is missing the clock is still beautiful but
doesn't work the same - Ruud Gullit, Chelsea
If I walked on water, my accusers would say it is because I can't swim - Berti Vogts,
Germany coach
You don't have to have been a horse to be a jockey - Arrigo Sacchi Italy coach,
defending a meagre playing record
Love is good for footballers, as long as it is not at half-time - Richard Mouller/Nielsen,
Denmark coach
There's nobody fitter at his age, except maybe Raquel Welch - Ron Atkinson lauds
Gordon Strachan, 39
Manchester United take more in programme sales than we take on the gate - Lawrie
McMenemy, Southampton
We'll beat England easily. They have no chance
in the Stadio Olympia. - Joe Marrello
I love Manchester United, they are great - I know that because I watch them on Sky TV all the
time. I once drove past Manchester on my way to a wedding a few years ago but I didn't have
time to get to a match (next time maybe). My favourite player is Ryan Giggs, but I think I will
make it Andy Cole soon because he is worth more now. They are the best team in the world and
I love getting together with all my Man. Utd. supporter friends here in London to watch old
videos of Bobby Charlton and George Best (some of them have only liked Man U for a couple of
years since Liverpool haven't been doing very well recently - I used to support Spurs until Gazza
left, they're boring now). I love all of Man Utd's strips and I have bought them all for sitting in
front of the telly - my girlfriend wears one too (she loves Ryan Giggs but she still doesn't
understand the offside rule). I once met a couple of blokes in a pub who were from Manchester
but they supported a team called City - apparently only the really poor people from Manchester
support them instead of United and it's unheard of that someone from London would support
City. I can't understand why anyone would support a team who haven't won anything in years.
Some people support a team just because they were born there - they must be mad!
- The biggest bunch of wingers and moaners gathered at one club, ever!. The biggest culprit of
the lot Mr Alex Furguson, leads by example! They've won everything and they’re still flaming
winging!
A jet engine eventually stops whining!!!!
Duke of Edinburgh, 139 King Street.
Dan,
Dan.
Dear Dan,
The Jilted saga continues...........
Dear Dan,
and yet another..............
Dear Dan,
If someone had a swing at me he obviously doesn't know how good I am at fighting -
Alex Ferguson scotches rumours of an altercation at the FA Cup final