There will be several random door prizes (T. Wright)
3:45 Bottle of Ice Wine (H. Buhl)
3:50 Bottle of wine (K. Frost)
3:55 Bottle of Ice Wine (D. Hillier)
4:00 Bottle of Galiano (S. Vasseur)
4:05 Bottle of Hungarian wine (Z. Szlivka)
4:12 Mens overnight toiletry bag (Spot the Ball)
4:15 Bottle of wine (W. McQuillan)
4:22 Bottle of wine (G. Thompson)
4:30 Regular draw
4:32 Mystery Prize (M. Glenister)
4:37 Bottle of Blackberry Liquour (T. Hastie)
4:45 Mystery prize (G. Dignan)
4:52 Kangaroo nuts (S. Hastie)
5:00 Somethin’ tasty (L. McMillan)
5:12 Womens overnight bag (Spot the Ball)
5:30 Original ‘One of a kind’ non-reproducible Danielle (P. Egan)
5:45 A collectors item from Oldham (The Chairman)
6:00 Mystery prize (G. Dignan)
6:15 Knife set of $130 value (B. Smith)
6:30 The Annual Tranmere Pint (R. Williams)
6:52 Mystery Prize (B. Deren)

My little jaunt today is to a pub called The Colliers Arms which is situated at Hartshead Pike, a lovely viewpoint which looks out over four English counties, Lancashire, Yorkshire, Cheshire and Derbyshire. Unfortunately I don’t know too much about the history of the pub but I believe it was built sometime in the 18th. century. I never frequented the pub other than for a pub lunch as it was difficult to get to without drinking and driving. As I’m not the type of person to drink and drive, I stopped......driving (anyway you tend to spill it). The pub itself was unique and still is today. The last time I stopped by for a drink there was this old bloke outside with a walking frame. How he got there I will never know! The place was deserted and looked as if it had been closed for several months. I asked the bloke when it had closed.

“What makes you think it has closed?” was the surprised expression on the old codgers face.
“Well, the place is deserted and it is past opening time,” replied I, trying to be intelligent about the matter.
“It’ll be open lad when’t landlord gets back from milkin’”
Sure enough, within 10 minutes the landlord, reeking of cow pat, came trundling round the corner dressed in old clothes and Wellington boots and pushing a wheelbarrow full of something vile smelling. he put down the barrow and with a cheery “Afternoon “ duly open the said establishment.

Just to the right on the picture can be seen the shippam and just to the left front are the outside toilets which are the only ones for public use. The bar itself is a piece of wood, albeit a very nice piece of wood with the beertaps screwed to it. The decoration (or lack of it) is olde worlde to say the least and I think the last time it was painted was with a bucket full of whitewash sometime just after the war. The beer was a good pint (is there any other) and all in all the whole experience was one not to be missed. The Colliers Arms is a unique place and one which cannot last for long as so many of the old-time pubs have long since bit the dust so if you are ever in England and lucky enough to get to the oldham area be sure to look it up. You will not regret the visit.

I. Will B. Drunk

B is for Boundary Park, the home of the Latics. It was first used on 19th. September 1896, when Oldham County played Chorley in a friendly match which was abandoned! The first floodlight match was on 3rd. October 1961 when a friendly was played against First Division Burnley. The Chairman was at that historic game.

B is for Berry’s Association who were the opposition in the first game ever played by the Oldham Athletic Association Club on 2nd. September 1899. The game was a friendly against a team of shoe blackeners from Manchester but the name change from Pine Villa and the occupation of Sheepfoot Lane was destined to be successful. The Latics won the game 1-0.

Now that the World Cup final places have been decided you might want to get to know some of the names of the players in the various teams so you won’t appear thick when people start talking about the games. The following squads will have the commentators on their marks:

Brazil
Pinnochio, Libero, Vimto, Memento, Borneo, Tango, Cherio, Subbuteo, Scenario, Fellatio, Portfolio Subs: Placebo, Porno, Polio, Banjo, Brasso, Stereo (L), Stereo (R), Hydrochlorofluoro (GK), Aristotle

Serbia
Itch, Annoyingitch, Hardtoreachitch, Scratchtheitch, Hic (k) Sic, Spic, Pric, Digaditch, Fallinaditch, Sewastitch Subs: Mowapitch, Letsgetrich, Findabitch

Russia
Whodyanicabolicov, Ticlycov, Chesticov, Nasticov, Slalomsky, Downhillsky, Risky, Swedishshev, Mastershev, Buggerov, Taykitov Subs: Rubitov, Whodyanicabottlofpopov, Pastryshev, Najinsky, Ripmecorsetsov.

Rumania
Chatanoogaciouciou, Atishiou, Blessiou, Thankyiou, Busqueue, Snookercu, Pennychiou, Twoapennyciou, Fourapennyciou, I'llgetciou, Youandwhosarmi Subs: U, NonU, ManU, Stuffyiou, Lee Kwan Yu

Denmark
Toomanigoalssen, Tryandstopussen, Crapdefenssen, Haveagossen, Firstsson, Secondsson, Thirdsson, Leghurtssen, Notroubleseeingussen, Wherestheballssen, Getthebeerssen Subs: Howmanygoalsitthatssen, Finallygaveupcountinssen, Hurryupandblowthewhistlessen, Yourelatedtoalexfergussen

Italy
Baloni, Potbelli, Beerbelli, Giveitsumwelli, Wotsontelli, toonsgotkenni, onetoomani, legslikejelli, havabenni, wobblijelli, spendapenni Subs: Cantthinkofani!!, Buggermi, Arsi

Mexico
San Francisco, Costa Bravo, Costa Fortune, Hopelez, Juan Andonly, Manuel Gearbox, Don Cryformeargentina, Bodegas, Luis Canon, Sombrero, Chihuahua, Jose Canyouseebythedawnsearlylight Subs: Maria Don Key, Burrito, Speedy Gonzalez, Tequila, Caramba

I'm one of the players of Oldham Athletic Ladies F.C. We now have two internationals on the team and would like a mention on your web site. We have a better goal average, home and away wins than the Male team. So come on cheer us instead. We are much better looking and party all night.

If there are any single good looking Canadian guy's out there, write me a message. Marriage a possibility for right man, age 19 to 21.

P.S. Got to have loadsa money. And I'll throw in some Football lesson's. Look forward to hearing from you.

Tina Mellor, 21, single.

Dear Tina,

Lovely to hear from a woman of the opposite gender who plays football. I would love to meet up with you but I have a major problem called Danielle. She too is a footballer. She is one of them big up-front strikers and wears number thirteen so it could be unlucky for me if she finds out about us. Perhaps we could arrange a friendly game on a home and away basis.

Considering the above statement and my loyalty to the said Danielle I am publishing your letter in the bumper Christmas edition of the programme in the hope that someone will take up your offer. If any reader is interested ask The Chairman for details of how to contact Tina.

ps. Do you change shirts with the opposition after the game?

Dan

Case 1

Name: Gary Thompson (Member Standing: 5 years)
D.o.B. : 7th. June 1947

Offence: On 17th. October 1997 Mr. Thompson did, without consideration, and upon entering the meeting, greet The Chairman as Mr. Chairperson. This is a serious breach of club protocol and caused considerable embarrassment to The Chairman. Mr. Thompson should have known better due to his long association with the club.

Action: Mr. Thompson was immediately shown the yellow card and did make an apology to The Chairman upon leaving the meeting. Mr. Thompson was relegated to the Privvy Division for a period of two weeks. Due to Mr. Thompsons previous good character he was readmitted to the First Division and has subsequently been promoted to the Premier League.

Case 2

Name: Glen Slade (Member Standing: 4 years)
D.o.B. : 25th. October 1951

Offence: On 7th. November 1997 Mr. Slade was asked to pass a beer mat to another member higher in seniority. Mr. Slade did, and without consideration for other members (including The Chairman) safety, throw the said beer mat. Mr. Slade was later asked to pass another beer mat under similar circumstances and committed the offence again, this time blatantly.

Action: Mr. Slade was shown the yellow card for the first offence and was given a red card with automatic relegation to the Privvy Division for a period of five weeks for the subsequent offence. The incident has been recorded as ungentlemanly conduct and action not becoming of a Latics Supporter. Mr. Slade now has a permanent record which could, if similar incidents occur, result in expulsion from the club. Upon return to the meetings Mr. Slade did purposely go out of his way to personally pass the beer mats in a manner becoming of a Latics Supporter and has therefore been reinstated into a lower placing in the Second Division.