Fellow supporters,

Welcome to this weeks good news update,

You have it easy! I thought I would be a regular punter last week but one, and call in for a social drink to the ‘unofficial meeting’. As attendance was optional I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to experience how it feels to be a regular member of the club. How wrong I was! When I got there there was no-one there. So there! Good job no-one is serious about this and everything is in fun.........

After the recent ‘Stop The Rot’ campaign there was a sit-in of several hundred supporters after Easter Monday's home game against Wycombe Wanderers. The effects of this seem to be already being felt with manager Neil Warnock seeking talks with Ian Stott regarding team strengthening this summer. Sadly, little can come of these talks until the brewery change their stance and invest or sell-up. Mr. Stott, the OAFC Chairman (not the real one), and his fellow directors own just 10% of the shares at Athletic and if Lees Brewery can't take the responsibility to the community which the majorty shareholding of a football club entails then they should swallow their pride and stand aside.

With only one win in twelve games (6 points out of 36) the play-offs are a thing of the past and so is The Chairman’s planned trip to Wembley too! The Chairman would like to publicy state that “the current Oldham Athletic team is the worst since he started supporting them back in the old fourth division days.” They have dropped from third to sixteenth in the league and look doomed to another season of mediocrity in the Second Division (or relegation if the current trend continues). Things are looking grim. To put it another way - It is like supporting the Vancouver Canucks! Speaking of Vancouver, Bruce Grobbelaar, former Vancouver Whitecap made his full debut for Oldham last Saturday at the Bescot Stadium where he kept a clean sheet in the 0-0 away draw against Walsall. Surprisingly, the game was an exciting affair and Oldham were unlucky not to win.

On to brighter things. We have introduced some more innovations to the LSC web page. We now have a joint message board and a joint Chat Room which are both accessible from five different Latics web pages. There is also a Latics e-mail list whereby anyone with an e-mail address can sign up to receive/send regular messages to a host of other Latics fans, Canadian or otherwise. The ideal way to get up to date news about your favourite team without having to search for it.

Unfortunately some computers are picking up a Canadian virus or two. here are some of the more common viruses:

BOBBIT virus: It removes a viat part of your hard disk and then reattaches it.

POLITICALLY CORRECT virus: Never calls itself a virus but instead referrs to itelf as an electronic microorganism.

FREUDIAN virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

TORONTO RAPTOR virus: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT. ARNOLD SCHWARTZENEGER virus: Trerminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.

TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS virus: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.

You have been warned. Beware!

If you are interested in signing up for any of the new services see The Chairman who will give you full information and details of how to register. You don’t even need internet access and it can even be sent to your account at work!

The Chairman

Todays Featured Fan: Steve Bates
Picture a busy little pub just outside Philadelphia USA. There were twenty or so England football fans chanting, cheering and drinking after a hard-fought Euro96 quarter final game. The English barman grabbed me and asked "You want to go to the Euro-final? I can get you tickets."
Despite knowing that my wife would kill me I said "Sure".

Unfortunately, my friend and I had to fly there gambling that England would make it to the final, if we didn't get the tickets now they would be gone. So, there we are sitting on a flight to London via Toronto, Canada (it was the only flight we could get) not knowing what the score was. We made it to Canada and were sitting in the airport bar that had a sport show on so I asked if anyone knew the score. I was answered by a German behind me proudly announcing that his team had won. Not surprisingly I was pretty inconsolable.

Still, we got our connecting flight to London and went to the Euro-final. We had a great time with the other 30 or 40 thousand English fans cheering on the Czech team. I ended up spending $700 on airfare, $900 on the ticket, $400 on football shirts and $400 on beer. A total of about £1,500 spent on four days of pure fun. To cap it off, when I got home my wife wouldn't talk to me for days (bliss).

Oldham players Carl Serrant and Adrien Littlejohn are having a drink in the pub when Peter Schmeichel and Paul Scholes walk in. An argument about who are the best team in the North follows leading Serrant and Ade challenging the entire United side to a match. Despite being outnumbered by nine men Serrant and Ade quickly race into a two-nil lead. Shortly before half-time Ade is badly fouled in the area and though the ref gives the penalty, Ade has to be stretchered off the field and is taken to Oldham Royal Infirmary. Serrant steps up and blats home the penalty to make it 3-0. After the match has finished Serrant rushes up to the hospital to see how Ade is. Ade is lying in bed and as soon as he sees Serrant enter the room he asks, "What was the final score?"
"3-2 to us", replies Serrant.
"3-2!", cries Ade. "How the hell did they score twice?"
To which Serrant replies, "Well I was sent off for a professional foul twenty minutes from the end!"

Q. How can you tell that the Elephant Man was a United supporter?
A. Because he looked like one.

Have you heard the one about the United fan who thought Harvey's Bristol Cream was an ointment for nipple rash?

A United fan, A Moslem and a Hindu are travelling together on a journey. Night comes and they arrive at a hotel only to find out that there are only two beds and that one of them will have to sleep in the barn outside.
The Moslem agrees to sleep in the barn. However, he returns two minutes later and states that he cannot sleep in the barn because there is a pig in there. The Hindu agrees to go to swap places with him and heads off to the barn.
Again though it isn't long before he too returns, stating that he cannot sleep in the barn because there is a cow in there. Reluctantly, the United fan agrees to go instead.
Two minutes later the pig and the cow turn up at the room...

Don’t forget to watch The Knowledge Network (Channel 5) on May 4th. for The Chairmans second TV appearance since his arrival in Canada. The show airs at 7:00pm. prime time, and is repeated at 11:30pm. Don’t miss it! Although the programme is not specifically about Oldham Athletic he will be trying to get the odd mention in for the team. Autograph sessions will be at the meeting immediately following the TV spectacular.

Today’s cover story is a little bit tongue-in-cheek. How times have changed from 1910. Todays Manchester City team is also considering a league change but as they are currently third from bottom of the First Division, and guided by Athletic’s old boss (Big Fat Joe), the speculation is mounting that an exciting ‘derby’ game is the prospect for next season. Should things remain as they are, Glen Payne’s team will be playing at Boundary Park next season. Manchester City have never played at the third level of football in their illustrious career. Time will tell.

KEVIN KEEGAN: "They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different".

ERIC CANTONA (Explaining his sending off in consecutive games at Arsenal, 1994): "The first wasn't a foul, so I thought, if they want a foul I'll give them a foul".

CHRIS JONES, Evening Standard: "The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even on a sunny day".

STUART HALL, Radio 5: "What will you do when you leave football, Jack -- will you stay in football?".

ALAN SUGAR, BBC 1: "I've got a gut feeling in my stomach...".

No-one came up with the correct solution to the last quiz. There were actually eight answers to the competition, not seven, and they were as follows:

The Gunners (Arsenal)
The Soldiers (Aldershot)
The Throstles (West Bromwich Albion)
The Canaries (Norwich City)
The Cobblers (Northampton Town)
The Hammers (West Ham United)
The Spurs (Tottenham Hotspurs)
The Blades (Sheffield United)

Tie Breaker: Which football team is nicknamed The Latics? If you didn’t know this one you shouldn’t be reading this.

E is for Earl Barrett who in February 1992 was transferred to Aston Villa for £1,700,000 which is still an Oldham record. Earl played a total of 183 games for Oldham scoring seven goals.

E is for eleven which is the number of goals scored by Oldham against Southport on 26th. December 1962. The score equalled the club record number of goals in a game. Bert Lister scored six of the goals and Athletic incredibly lead by nine goals as early as the 53rd. minute. The architect of the demolition was Bobby Johnstone who was unfortunate not to score himself. The size of the win was a record for the Fourth Division in a season when the Latics went on to clinch promotion. The match was watched by 14,662 fans (including The Chairman, of course), a figure which today’s team would love to see at Boundary Park. See also ‘Memories of a Young Latics Fan’.