Dear Fellow Supporters,

Welcome back to another exciting season of supporting the Latics, our twelfth season by my reckoning! Quite an achievement you must agree. You will notice some major changes this season, brought about by a few lapses of concentration/commitment of some members last season. The leagues have been restructured to more represent the Football League. We now have a Premier League of 20 with 22 in the 1st. & 2nd. Divs. and a total of 24 in the 3rd. Div. This keeps our total number at our set maximum of 88 members, compared to the 92 of The Football League. Competition will not be encouraged and there are no prizes other than the weekly draw and the odd competition prize, so you don’t win anything, so what’s the point? We have also introduced a Conference League which will be known as the O.B. Conference League. The new rules are being reprinted for the benefit of members who missed the last meeting of last season. All the yellow cards from last season have been removed. Special mention must be given to Peter Egan who last season received his first yellow card in six years. Well done, Peter.

Congratulations (or commisserations, whichever way you look at it) also go out to Wayne Morris who got married the day after our last meeting. Wayne, you now have an excuse to stay later at the meetings! I did warn you that you can’t be happy all your life. Wayne was not our first marriage though. I calculate that this is the sixth LSC member to get hitched while on the Seniority List. There must be something in the water that’s added to the beer!!

I received a complaint that I missed a significant mover on the last “Where were you” list. Having checked the list the said member had only moved two places in twelve months. I might not be always right - but I’m never wrong. Now for a complaint from me! I had the unpleasant task of issuing another yellow card to a senior member who called me the dreaded ‘Mr. Chair------’. As you all know I don’t go for all that equality junk and political correctness. The world’s got to get back to one with good values where football and booze are the most important things in life. Enough of the sermon but you know what I mean. I’ll be seeing red if the dreadful habit gets out of order. Take note.

On the field the season has not started off as well as expected for Andy Ritchie although most Latics fans realise that poor Mr. Ritchie is commencing his apprenticeship without a full set of tools. The tools he possesses are rather blunt and he is unable to go out and buy any new ones as his guardians will not increase his ‘spending money’ from nil. Rather an unfortunate position but he did undertake the job knowing full well that JWL (the major shareholders) have not changed their stance on investment and the previous two managers left mainly because of that reason.

The games opened with a home loss to Notts County, the score being 1-3. The following game saw the Latics beat First Division Crewe 3-2 in the first leg of the League Cup although they let a 3 goal lead slip. The following Saturday saw another 3-0 loss at Blackpool and then the Latics followed up with a 2-0 second leg defeat at Crewe thus ending their League Cup interest for another year. The first league win of the season came on 22nd. August in a lucky 2-0 defeat of Chesterfield which was followed by yet another loss at table-topping Stoke City by a score of 2-0. Athletics first victory away from home came at Lincoln last Saturday with a convincing 1-3 scoreline. Had the corner been turned? No! This Tuesday saw the Latics hand Macclesfield their first win of the season. An embarrassing home defeat to a side not even in the Football League, when the Latics were in the elite Premier League, a few short years ago. Present position is 16th. in a division of 24.

We never received a reply from our petition to JWL which just about sums up their interest in the affairs of Oldham Athletic! I have followed up over the summer with an electronic petition which is available for signing on the Internet at: http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Stadium/4377/petition.html If you missed the original petition please sign the second one which has been well received all over the world with a total of over 100 signatures to date.

The Chairman

A grim-faced Bill Clinton faced the American people last night and admitted: Yes, Oldham Athletic are as bad as they were last season. The embattled President's confession came after a marathon five-hour appearance in front of a Grand Jury in which he was questioned over his relationship with a big, hairy, doe-eyed Boundary Park tea lady. Clinton - who only weeks ago told reporters: "I do not expect Oldham to struggle this season - in fact, a top six place is not beyond them" - said that while his initial statement had been technically true, it was misleading. "I meant top six in the Fair Play League," he said. "In fact, I did know then that the Latics would probably go down. That was what attracted me to them in the first place."

White House insiders now hope the humiliating confession will bring an end to the so-called 'Boundarywater' scandal which has bedevilled Clinton virtually since his inauguration. Opponents say he even named his daughter Chelsea to throw them off the scent. U.S. political experts believe the former Arkansas governor can survive the fall-out from his admission. "America is sick and tired of this mess, which has been dragging on for far too long," said one. "Let's hope we can move on. And let's hope John Willie Lees’ do the same."

Changes needed to be made! Our last season of supporting the Latics was our worst ever. Numbers dwindled and it can’t all be attributed to lack of performance on the field. We used to average 40 members per. week and that average has been halved. I am making changes. Gone is the ‘old pals act’ whereby members can come ‘cap in hand’ to gain re-election or to maintain their position with the odd attendance. Changes are as follows:

1. Members who do not contribute to the club on a reasonably regular basis will be relegated to the Conference League for a warning period. If the member does not heed the warning they will be plummeted into non-league obscurity and have to start again, irrespective of their previous position.

2. New members will be required to attend two meetings before recognition to the league. They will become members of the new Conference league which will be introduced as an interim position until full membership to the league is recognised.

3. The Premier League members will continue to sponsor the weekly draw (on a voluntary basis) and Ernie will re-draw the numbers until the draw is won/lost by a recognised number (i.e. if there are only 66 members of the club the draw will be re-drawn until the number 66 or higher seniority is achieved). Conference members do not qualify. The draw will continue to be accumulative.

4. Only Premier League members will have the security of moving one place per week. This has been introduced due to lack of involvement of a few of the top thirty members.

5. Honourary members are now able to climb the ladder with attendance and a ‘special’ beermat has been introduced for the sole use of Honourary members.

6. Any member with a Christian name of Roger will be expected to make an appearance at the meeting as close to 6:30pm as possible so that The Chairman will at least have the opportunity to discuss the demise of Tranmere Rovers for 30 minutes.

The following is not a rule, more of a request as you know we are a very democratic club:

Members who ‘double dip’ into the free food will be frowned upon in a most severe manner. The Chairman has received several complaints over the past years, and agrees that the action must be curbed. We do not want your germs so please consider others and “DON’T DOUBLE DIP”. Thank you.

All the above new rules are now in effect. The Chairman will, of course, change/adapt the rules as and when he sees fit.

G is for GORAM

Andy Goram spent six years at Oldham making 192 appearances, before the club received an offer "too good to refuse". He was sold for £325,000 to Hibernian on 8th. October, 1987 and he has since gone on to win numerous honours with Glasgow Rangers as well as picking up many Scottish caps, although winning his first while with Oldham, as a substitute against East Germany in 1986. Andy played for Notts. County last Saturday and has since signed a loan contract with Sheffield United.

G is for GROVES

Alan Groves was a firm favourite with the Latics fans. He was remembered mainly for his showmanship. Although he had signed for Blackpool, it came as a great shock to all when he died prematurely in 1978 at the age of 29. 4,396 fans turned up to a benefit match for his dependants at Boundary Park against Blackpool.

The world is once again laughing up its collective sleeve at the English. The cocky English, with their loony support and their big talk about the home of football and their wonderful Premiership, once again on the boat home with the World Cup’s minnows, spear-carriers and bit-part players like the Italians. Beckham’s life is going to be tough for a few weeks/months, no doubt (why shouldn’t it, he plays for ‘that’ team). All the selfish idiot will have to comfort him will be £8m a year and a sex symbol to sleep with!

French sports daily L'Equipe devoted its entire front page to a picture of him, with the headline 'We will remember this'. It described the match as the best of France 98. Leading Italian sports writer, Joe Marrello, of the Gazzetta dello Sport picked out Owen as the best player on the pitch, with the headline 'When football found a star'. Le Figaro, of the French press, said: ''Only penalties could bring down the heroic English.'' Liberation added: ''Breathtaking! Argentina and England fought out an epic battle. We were hoping for a great match but we got a lot more.'' Having said all this however, the Premier League is still the best in the world with no fewer than 76 world cup players plying their trade. The Chairman was recorded as having the last World Cup word though, saying “You’ll never take the Falklands”.

1. Involuntary leg spasm brought on by wearing a too-tight pair of Posh’s panties.

2. Mistook Simeone for Darren Anderton.

3. Posh had got them VIP seats to the opening of Diana memorial at Althorp.

4. Bizarre clause in Adidas contract demanded he got red card.

5. He anticipated the good “Why is David Beckham’s girlfriend different from the other Spice Girls joke?...........” Men only - see The Chairman for the answer.

6. After mistaking a bowl of Pedigree Chum for high-protein pre-match chilli, he was seized with the urge to cock his leg and mark the centre of the pitch as his territory.

7. Scared off by the idea of having to dye his hair with his team-mates, Romania-style, if England went through.

8. Had tickets to see Tim Henman play yesterday afternoon.

9. Thought the nation simply had to hear that Kevin Keegan anecdote about the play-off semi-final against Grimsby.

10. Didn’t fancy taking a penalty.

KEVIN KEEGAN - “There’s a million things going through Glenn’s ‘ed now… I had a player sent off in the play-offs against Grimsby.”

Americans still don’t have a clue about the World Cup. After losing all three of their group games to prove they don’t know what they’re doing on the field, a poll of 1000 adults conducted in June showed that while 74% of Americans had heard of the World Cup, only 52% knew it was a football competition. This despite hosting the thing four years ago. Even fewer Yanks have actually tuned into the tournament, the poll said. Only 19% said they had watched a game on television and almost half of those said they didn’t enjoy it. Amazingly, only 25% of those quizzed even knew the thing was being played in France!

Cold-hearted bookmakers are offering 16-1 on David Beckham's dreadful World Cup blunder wrecking his engagement to Posh Spice girlfriend Victoria Adams within the next six months. Beckham is hardly flavour of the month (or century, for that matter) and bookies are now accepting bets on whether the dream couple will make it to the end of the year together. "Someone in East London has put £20 on it ending before the year is out," a William Hill spokesman confirmed.

NEW! From MB (Mad Bugger) Games. It’s Beckaroo, the fun toy for all the family. As approved by Daniel Passarella (“I haven’t laughed so much since 1986!”), you’ll need to use all your skill, judgement and powers of persuasion to stop the bucking Becko from lashing out senselessly and violently.

See how many insults you can heap on Becko’s shoulders before he snaps. Can you get away with laughing at Posh Spice? Will Beckaroo stand being told he’s dropped? Will he take kindly to being informed that he looks a poof in that sarong? Will he be offended by the chant “Who’s the father of the child”. One false move and the petulant pony boy will kick out, immediately ruining your chances of winning the game! Beckaroo, it's the game that’s gripped the nation!

Footnote: Poor old David Beckham. Just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, the millionaire teen idol goes to get into his £100,000 Porsche to drive to training… only to discover the battery is flat! Rumours that he tried to kick start it are as yet unconfirmed.

We know we shouldn’t, but there is something deep in the English DNA that demands we rejoice at Germany’s failure to win a major tournament. 'Deutschland, Deutschland alles ist vorbei' - Germany, Germany, it's all over. Nice! - but we’re all friends now! At least the World Cup will for once unite Joe Marrello and The Chairman as I am sure they both agree that going out on penalties is a silly way to end a match. The Chairman had the last word though when he stated “Italy are pasta their best!”.

If you thought David Batty and Paul Ince got a hard time for missing those spot-kicks against Argentina, then spare a thought for Tony Dorigo. According to the News of the World, the former Leeds defender could have his £10,000 a week wages halved by Torino after a penalty miss cost them £20m. His blunder has been blamed for their Serie B promotion play-off defeat by Perugia.

And finally..............It’s time England won something????? Anybody fancy starting World War lll?

Hello everyone,

Sorry my notes have been absent of late but with the promotion push to a relegation battle, to say I was a little despondent would be an understatement. Last time I corresponded we were in the top six and Neil Warnock was in charge. Flipping heck! I went to quite a few of the last away games, Chesterfield, Wigan, Brentford, Carlisle, Walsall and Grimsby. We were rubbish at Carlisle, should have won at Walsall and were brilliant at Grimsby and won 2-0. Wigan was a great day out and great value on the train at £2-20 return, pity the team wasn’t as good value.

We actually stayed the week-end at Grimsby and enjoyed the night life of Cleethorpes along with quite a few other Latics fans. I took a mate (Alan) along as he couldn’t get his usual lift and in fact the car he normally goes in took one lad in the boot, yes the boot. (Ed’s translation - the trunk!). There was no trouble which was a credit to both sets of fans. The win saw the season finish on a high note and I am looking forward to the restart with Ritchie in charge, but again with the knowledge that we have no money to buy the quality players we need. City down, lovely!

We had a few people from Canada visiting the brewery the other week and I asked them if they new The Chairman. I said he had dark hair and was quite big but they said they didn’t so I don’t think they were from Canada at all, but just said that to get a free tour of the brewery, some people eh! Well we’re off to Wales again for our holls and we hope to see some spawning but I’m not counting on it.

KEEPING THE FAITH,
Nobby.

Which side was the last to win the FA Cup at Wembley and not play in the competition since?