Volume 5 Number 1 - 10th. September 1999
![[Cover Photo]](/Colosseum/Stadium/4377/pic51-1.gif)
CHAIRMAN'S EDITORIAL
CHAIRMAN'S EDITORIAL
A new season, full of hope, full of promise, full of optimism. What went wrong? Only a few weeks into the season and we have played five league games, won none, drawn none, lost five with only one goal scored in the league! I’m thinking of renaming them from Oldham Athletic to Oldham Nil! We also opted out of the league cup after a 2-0 defeat at Stockport followed up by a 1-2 reverse in the second leg. The only good thing to come from the game is that we won’t draw TRANMERE in the next round. Oldham must be the strongest team in the league as they are holding up the rest of the division. Obviously, The Chairman is a failure. Having ventured across the pond to see them off to a good start he has unfortunately put extra pressure on the players. It must have been too much as they have stuttered their way into the season. The thought of The Chairman eyeing them from the stands was too much to bear and they capitulated.
Now the whinging is out of the way, I hope that your summer has been a good one. I had a fabulous time with four weeks back home followed by a week in Spain. Here’s a brief synopsis. The first two weeks were spent in Barnoldswick, a sleepy village in the Colne Valley, the home of the outlaws. I did the usual touristy visits to York and the seaside towns and even managed to get a match in at Harrogate Town who were entertaining Leeds United. On 31st. of July I made my first visit to Boundary Park and was rewarded with a 2-1 victory over Sheffield United. I thought, “Great, this is the start of things to come”. How I was wrong!
The next two weeks were spent touring in a camper van (the second VW hire vehicle in a row - what’s wrong with this country?). Went to Boundary Park for the first home game of the season and was disappointed after a 0-1 reverse against Preston NE. After an eventful expedition to the Norfolk Broads where it persistently rained, the pump in the van packed in. Flash floods swept the East Anglia county and a thoroughly wet Chairman decided to return to Bramhall (Cheshire) and cut his losses.
Back for another hire car - another bloody Volkswagen and off for the Wednesday game at Stockport County. I arrived early at 6:30 for the 7:45 ko and immediately siezed the opportunity to park directly in front of the main entrance as the car park attentant hadn’t arrived yet. With a smile on my face as wide as a banana I found the nearest local, The Royal Oak, and decided to down a few. The tap room was full of blokes in white shirts so I stayed in the best room and waited for the Oldham fans to arrive. I waited........and waited........and waited. Eventually, I asked the barmaid if there was a game on tonight. “Yes luv”, she replied, “United are on telly”. “No” replied I, “I mean Stockport”. “That was last night luv”. Devastated, I returned to my VW and met a bloke coming out of the main entrance. “How did they go on last night?”, I enquired. “Won 2-0” was the reply. Chairman, tail between legs, makes his way back to Oldham.
Torquay was great so we stayed for four days. Found out that Fawlty Towers was never recorded there. Ask Tom Wright to show you his souvenir from there. He believes in equality. Back to Oldham for another Derby game against Burnley. Another loss - what’s happening? Threw away my lucky rabbits foot, rabbit and all. Booked a holiday to Ibiza - decided to find some real sun and look for the four S’. Sun, sand, sea and the most important.....................Sangria. Had a great time and even went topless like the locals. Managed to get connecting flights from Spain so it was a very tired Chairman arriving back home after 29 hours of flying and waiting at airports.
So we venture into our eleventh year of supporting the Latics from afar. Let’s hope they soon start to pull it round or I’ll have to get the old boots polished up and go on loan to show them how to find the net. The proposed take-over fell through and the latest venture is by Bernard Manning Jr., son of the famous comedian. Perhaps it’s a ploy by dad to get some more material for his stand up comedy routine. Who knows! I only hope you had half as good a summer as I had. If so, you’ll be well pleased. Dan is hoping that membership increases this season and hopes that events on the field don’t reflect badly on attendance. HAPPY NEW SEASON!
There will be a more thorough write up of my escapades soon in the 'TRIVIA' section of the LSC webpage.
The Chairman
This weeks question is quite easy, although you have been stumped recently since the quiz became dead good and dead hard: There are six English league teams with the letters of the word LOVE in their name. Which are they? A prize of one unit goes to the first member to correctly name all six.
I am 89 years old and I think that the prices of cheese and baked beans are absolutely ludicrous. I live on a very poor budget which Oxfam send to me, please try to make the cheese cheaper in Tesco since I have to use my budget to get there.
Jim Skingle
Dear Jim,
Keep taking your Valium.
Dan
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The Professional Footballers' Association today revealed they are
conducting their own research into the long-term effects of heading,
although the results won't be available for several years. Studies in
both America and Scandinavia show heading the ball over a lengthy
period of time throughout a player's career increases the risk of brain
damage and may result in illnesses such as senile dementia and
Alzheimer's disease. So that’s why The Chairman ignores us! These tests, though, have been conducted from a retrospective viewpoint, with former players and managers employed to help with the research, leading the PFA to take a more forward-thinking approach. PFA chief executive Gordon Taylor said: ''We have become more involved in this subject because there have been a number of universities and medical people looking for funds to research this properly. For the last year or so we have been made aware of this problem and it's one of the projects we are undertaking with the FA medical committee. ''Studies show the dangers were greater in times when the ball was a lot heavier than they are now and also in people with a certain gene.
Now that we have the funds we have made preparations for our own research. We are taking youngsters coming into the game and monitoring them throughout their careers. ''We are obviously talking about a long period of time, with a five, ten, 15-year review and looking at whether there are any particular changes, and with scanning techniques these days we should have a clear idea. By conducting these studies we are not looking to be alarmist. The benefits of playing sport, and football especially, are obviously considerably greater and, from what I understand so far, any potential risk is only slight.”
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News reaches us that David Hirst’s injury jinx has struck again. The
man who’s had more knocks than a postman will miss the start of
Southampton's season after slipping on a pebble during a training run.
Fairly bizarre, you might think, but not as bad and mad as these top ten
injuries from hell… 1) Dave Beasant, early in his time at Southampton, dropped a bottle of salad cream on his foot, and was out for a couple of months. 2) Alex Stepney, Manchester United’s goalkeeper, dislocated his jaw in 1975 shouting at his defence.
3) Dean Barrick of Preston had coffee spilled in his lap by a waitress last January and missed a month.
4) Terry Fenwick broke his foot simply by kicking a ball in the warm-up before Tottenham’s 1991 FA Cup Fifth Round match at Portsmouth.
5) Kevin Keegan got his toe stuck in a bath tap in the early Seventies and missed several matches for Liverpool.
6) Alan Mullery missed the 1966 World Cup after cricking his back while shaving.
7) Chic Brodie was run into by a dog while playing in goal for Brentford in 1970 and was so badly injured that his league career was virtually finished.
8) Alan McLoughlin of Portsmouth tore tendons in his arm picking up his baby daughter in 1994 and was out for a month.
9) Noel Whelan of Coventry kicked in a shop window in the 1997 close-season and did not play until December.
10) Celestine Babayaro of Chelsea broke his leg somersaulting to celebrate a goal (scored by someone else!) in a pre-season match at Stevenage last year and therefore didn’t make his debut for the Blues until October.
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A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is a total write- off
and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood.
He asks his friend, "What’s happened to your car?"
"Well," the friend responds, "I ran over David Beckham".
"OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the
leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?"
"Well, he tried to escape through the park." Oldham boss Andy Ritchie is seeing the club's physio. He's suffering from a bad side.
"What's the difference between an Oldham forward and a box of
matches?"
You always get a strike with matches!
Alex Ferguson was curious how Arsenal won The Double last year, so
he decides on a visit to London to see how Arsene Wenger coaches his
team. After a day he sees nothing different about the training practices,
so he asks Wenger how he gets his players so sharp.
"Simple," answers the Frenchman. "I sometimes ask my players a
difficult question and that way they stay really sharp mentally."
Of course Fergie wants an example, so Wenger asks Dennis Bergkamp to
come over to the touchline.
Arsene asks: "Dennis, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?"
"That is not difficult," Dennis answers immediately "Of course, that is me".
"You see? That's the way you keep them sharp," Wenger says to Fergie.
Ferguson goes back to Manchester hugely impressed. Back at The
Cliff next day, he calls David Beckham over to the touchline.
"David, I have a question for you," he says.
"He is not your brother but still he is your father's son. Who is he?"
"Bleedin' 'ell," comes the reply. "That's a tough one, can I sleep on it, you know?
Why've you asked me that anyway? you know"
Fergie explains it has to do with continental coaching and agrees with
the one-night postponement. That night, Beckham decides to call Jaap
Stam. He has played in Europe, maybe he knows something about
their coaching methods.
"Jaap, maybe you know the answer to this question: He is not your brother but still he is your father's son, who is he?"
"That is easy," says Stam. "That is 'me'."
The next day, David walks up to Fergie, full of confidence. Fergie asks
"David, do you know the answer to my question now?"
"Yes, it was actually very easy," he says, "the answer is Jaap Stam! you know"
Ferguson rolls his eyes skywards. " No, of course not you stupid idiot. It's Dennis Bergkamp".
Ian Roper, sad Mansfield FC fan, season ticket holder for the past 13 years and attends every away match as well, even in the realms of Torquay and Scunthorpe. Enough said !!!!! His treasured possessions are the autographs of all the players of the 96-97 squad for MTFC. He went to see his beloved team against Notts County and wore his stags shirt in the home stand. He was released from hospital 4 weeks later after several blows to the head with a corner flag. He was later questioned by police after he had streaked across the pitch and assaulted the referee and several stewards. Ian was later released on bail and charged with 120 hours community service and a lifetime ban from Meadow Lane.
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"Martin O'Neill, standing, hands on hips, stroking his chin." - Mike
Ingham, Radio 5"There's only one team that's going to win it now and that's England. I hope I'm not tempting providence there." ITV summariser Kevin Keegan two minutes before Romania's winning goal in the World Cup.
"When you have played at Millwall and seen some of the things that go on there, this should be nothing I can't handle." - American goalkeeper Kasey Keller before his country's World Cup clash against Iran
"Literally he hasn't got a right foot...although not literally." - David Pleat
"Are you watching, Macclesfield?" Manchester City fans get all excited about life in Division Two.
"We hope to turn this club into the Macclesfield Town of the south." Rodney Marsh outlines his grand plans as he takes control of Ashford Town.
"It's a massive club. It's just a bit sickly." Joe Royle goes in for the art of understatement after being appointed Manchester City's 17th manager in 25 years.
"Alex Ferguson must be having a field day. The Chelsea board have killed off the only challenge to Man United." - Mr Modesty, Ruud Gullit, after his dismissal from Stamford Bridge
"I love tackling. It's better than sex." Paul Ince
"And Seaman, just like a falling oak, manages to change direction.” - John Motson
