Princess Ant

Since young I have gained acceptance from the praises of people. In Secondary school always trying my best and had been seen as accepted by friends around me. Everything went well for me, yet I was still lost and lacked confidence. Being afraid that people might see my weakness, I put up a joyful front before people. On the outside seen as very sociable, among some of my friends, but is actually in need. Seeking for acceptance and love. First searching love through those close to me, my parents. Then I tried looking into friendship.

All these began to fall apart during my Junior College days. My mother met an accident and became mentally unsound. Friends do not really have time to sit down with you to listen to all the pains you are going through. Feeling lonely and dejected I tried looking into relationships but it appears that everyone around is also helplessly struggling in their own lives.

At this time a friend came and told me about God. Despite my ill attitude towards him, he continued on his mission. I accepted Christ after much persuasion. Not being serious with my decision, I continued the search to find love and acceptance. Burying myself into my studies, thinking that I might get acceptance from the society if I do well enough and go to University. The only time I remembered God was when exam was round the corner, praying extra hard. At that time not knowing to whom I was praying to, but somehow I knew that whoever He was, He was listening and He could do miracles. Exam results came out. I did not score as fantastically as expected but was able to enter into University. There was a period of break before going into University so I worked as a temporary clerk.

Still even then I was very lost. Always pondering the direction of my life, as I did not really know God personally back then. I visited churches, temples and various entertainment activities to seek for love. Nothing seems to satisfy my thirst.

On one occasion I went to this church and after the end of the message by the Pastor, he asked who wants to receive Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior. In my heart there was a deep stir. Somehow deep within me I knew that whatever he said was something good, right and true and I wanted it badly. So uncontrollably I raised up my hand. However, after the event I still did not go to church and had forgotten about the stir in my heart.

During the enrolment into University, they called it the Matriculation, I met a girl who asked me to do a survey. I did the survey and left. She called me subsequent times after the first meeting and listened to my sorrows. For the first time I felt loved and accepted. We met one day and I rededicated my life to Christ again. This time round my heart really opened to God. Praying to Him, I realized that He was the only one who would be there whenever I needed someone to talk to. No other person can be there all the time. Every night as I come before God and tell Him the day that has passed, His peace just flows in.

Today I cannot live without God because He is the only person who knows me deeply. He is the only person who knows all my thoughts even before I tell Him. When facing problems I know who to look for and to trust. He is my best friend, Father and Savior. He is there forever and will never leave me as the Bible says, ¡°Immanuel ¨C God with us!¡±. When Jesus died He opened the heart of God so that all can freely come to Him. Now I can freely come to God at anytime and any place. No one can replace this providence of God, His Presence. He is the one who satisfies our deepest desire and our deepest needs because everything is made by Him and under His control.

No doubt life challenges never seem to decrease but instead of sulking and facing it alone with my own frail strength, I can now go to God in prayer. Trusting Him to see me through for He said in the Bible, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13