SWEETIES

Confucius say...
Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.

Confucius say...
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Confucius say...
He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.

Confucius say...
Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.

Confucius say...
Couple on seven-day honeymoon make whole week.

Confucius say...
Girl who sit on jockey's lap get hot tip.

Confucius say..
Girl who sit on judge's lap get honourable discharge.

Confucius say...
Girl who go camping must beware of evil intent.

Confucius say...
Man who stand on street corner with hands in pockets, not feeling crazy, feeling nuts.

Confucius say...
Squirrel who run up woman's leg not find nuts.

Confucius say...
Rape impossible: Woman fun faster with skirt up, than Man with pants down.

Confucius say...
He who run behind bus get exhausted.

Confucius say...
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

Confucius say...
He who fish in other's hole often catch crabs.

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What's got four legs and an arm?
A happy pit bull terrier.

What's the definition of Australian aristocracy?
A man who can trace his lineage back to his father.

What's the difference between an Australian and a yoghurt?
A yoghurt has a living culture.

What has a bunch of balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.

What do Kodak and condoms have in common?
They both capture the moment.

What's the definition of a high class prostitute?

Someone who wears mink by day and fox by night.

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Eleven Reasons Why E-Mail is Like a Cock

1. Some folks have it, some don't.

2. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.

3. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

4. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

5. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it (e-mail envy).

6. It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

7. In the long distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

8. If you don't apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.

9. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

10. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

11. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.