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WOMAN RULES

43 Rules for Women

It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done.

If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four
major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer and Red.

Don't make him hold your purse in the shopping centre.

Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities
throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.

Shopping is not fascinating.

When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.
Unless the answer is yes.
In which case, can he videotape it?

If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking arseholes.

The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.

Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.

Money does not equate to love. Not even in Nevada.

Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie Microwaving a burrito, fixing
Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon
their infant when it walks for the first time.

Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.

He heard you the first time.

You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the rejection around a little.

If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to.

Of COURSE he wants another beer.

The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.

Dogs good. Cats bad.

Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.

If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit through "Showgirls".

"Fine" is not an acceptable way to end an argument.

Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.

He was not looking at that other girl.
Well, okay... maybe a little.
Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy...

There is nothing wrong by calling a women "FINE LOOKING HOOCHIE MAMA".

He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met.
And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.

Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they
look damn good. Stop asking.

If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm.

It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him.

Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.

Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it.

Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks
dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organised in this manner.

Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad
Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is
going to be dating any of these people, love the one you're with.

Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.

His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash,
is cute.

Don't hog the covers.

Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the halftime show to act upon
that...

He does not just want to be friends.

A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence: "You know, why don't we
just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?"

"Man's 50 Rules for Women":

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

9. Sunday = Sports.
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail.
Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries.

18. Share the bathroom.

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like a blowjob in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.