Creating Memories
- When a baby has died -

When you have had a pregnancy loss, it is natural to ask why. Why our family? Why couldn’t things be different?

Naturally it is a time of confusion. Many other people may also be hurting because of the death. It can be difficult knowing what to do or what is right or wrong.

Parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, family, friends and neighbours are all affected and may experience and show their anguish in different ways. Sometimes families have the greatest difficulty because they had so little time to create memories.

It is important to take the time to think about how you might create some of these memories, to recognise what happened and the life that might have been.

Naming

Family and friends will often find it easier to talk about what happened if they are able to refer to the baby by name.

Some clergy will christen or create a naming ceremony for babies, regardless of the term of the pregnancy or at the age at which they died.
Stillborn and Neonatal Loss Support (SANDS) has naming certificates, as well as newsletters and support groups.

The Unregcognised Mourners

People Grieve differently. Partners, children, parents, family and friends may also be hurting. Each will experience grief in their own way. Some may wish to share their feelings and some may not.

Remember that grandparents can also grieve. They grieve for the grandchild they might have had. They may see and feel the pain that the death brings to their own children. They know that it is not usual for grandparents to outlive their grandchild. They may feel guilty and ask themselves “Why couldn’t it have been me instead?”

Friends may feel embarrassed, being unsure what to say or whether to mention the baby. Some may avoid contact all together for a time because they are concerned that their children act as a reminder of the loss and cause further distress. Memorial or Naming Services allow people to share the grief and recognise the loss and the life that might have been. They help create the memories to share later.

Please note that the above has been taken from the Australian Funeral Directors Association pamphlet named “Creating Memories – When a baby has died”, and I would like to thank them for allowing me to publish on my page. Their contact number is 08 83000184