My struggle with Post Natal Depression
By: [Trudy Manifold]

I think I had Post Natal Depression (PND) since the day my son was born. I had had a hard delivery and lost a lot of blood, so I was absolutely exhausted for the first six weeks. So I put my symptoms down to that.

When I had my six-week checkup I had a birth control shot of depo-provera. I was still having violent mood swings, insomnia etc, but then I blamed it on the depo-provera, because the package insert said that one of the side effects was mood-swings. I put up with it for three months, and then another couple because I thought the progesterone was still leaving my system.

So that takes me up to about 6 months post partum. I was getting anxiety attacks (I cant cope with the thoughts in my head kind of thing), and becoming more and more reclusive. I was still working then, and instead of enjoying working like I usually do, it was becoming just another chore. I couldn't cope with the housework, it was getting to the stage where it was just all too hard.

I couldnt be bothered going out of the house unless it was totally necessary, isolating myself. I began to have to come to terms with the fact that I might have PND. I then looked around on the internet, and one of the site listed the symptoms, and I had 17 out of 19 of them.

That was the hardest part. Admitting to myself that I had PND. I was trying so hard to be the perfect mother/employee/wife/lover that I just forgot about myself for a long time.

It took me a month to admit to my doctor about my PND and I was started on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication. It started working but not soon enough...

On November 17th (which coincidentally is that date I lost my daughter), I had a major anxiety and panic attack. It got so bad that I had to go the Emergency Department of my local hospital.

I ended up having to be hospitalised for a number of times due to the fact I wasn't getting better. Thankfully in March 2000, my symptoms finally became controlled. I would like to thank all the professionals, friends and loved ones who helped me get though this. Unfortunately, my relationship didn't survive my illness.