The Art of Playing (Otto's Tao of
Play)
There is a real skill to playing, and it must be studied with an intensity unparalled
in the collegiate world.
- First, one must appear lazy (adds to the element of surprise).
- Then one must appear tired and unwilling to take part is silly human acts.
- Next is a tough one, you must WAIT.
- Wait until the humans are distracted and busy.
Then, and only then, you can begin activities. The activities should include at least
the following:
- Unexplainable or recognizable sounds ... they should be strange enough to warrant
"checking". (some examples include gurgling, whining bursts, and popping barks.)
- You should run, in no longer than 2.6 second intervals from room to room, picking up as
many toys as you can.
- You should suddenly stop, for no apparent reason and lick the wall.
- If your family is not paying attention, first, chew the chair they are sitting in. This
is a tough one, though, because you have to be careful not to get distracted by the sheer
joy of chewing the chair.
- Another tip here is to drink some water and then nudge their butt ... this is really
effective if you forget to swallow the water first! If that doesn't work, go directly to
the kitchen and select a pot from a larger shelf and drag it to the floor. This should get
their attention.
Afterwards sit quietly for your treat. Do all that is asked for. Then lie down next to
them and wait for them to get busy again. Resume activities listed above.
Insist on playing with a specific toy, one that involves them, and refuse any and all
other toys. If they refuse to play, lie down with your eyes staring up at them (make sure
the white parts are showing for effect) and fake the hiccups.)
Good luck, and remember,
the Art of Play is an Enlightenment thing!
Dog Food for the Soul
(Healing the Puppy Inside)
Even puppies get tired and "burnt out" sometimes. Ever get that feeling when
another chew toy just won't fill that void? (probably due to a lost puppy tooth, but
still.) Well, that's what I'm here for. When you get the puppy blues, just follow these
steps:
- Sleep. Sleep is the great curer of all ills. AND, when you sleep, you grow (at
least that's what my dad says!) Sleep in lots of different places and positions ... curled
up in the shower, under the bed (if you can fit) on the couch, when no one's looking, but
remember, whenever you sleep during the day, try to make sure you are AS CLOSE to a parent
as possible .. it's best if you can sleep ON them, but having a foot or head resting on
them helps.
- Look sad. This works great to get people to play with you. If they try to give
you a toy, hold it so they play with you, too. They espcially like it if you bring it
back, and jump on them when you do!
- Stand by the door, as if you have to go out. Since you've caused
"trouble" before, they'll stay outside with you, to make sure you don't break or
eat anything. This is good, because then you can test them and tease them and chase them!
Arranging your Crate According to
Feng Shui (school of Otto) Principles
These Feng Shui principles may differ from what you've read before, but those are
different schools ... this is Feng Shui purely for the Great Dane crate.
Bed Placement
Ideally your bed should be suited to fit your entire crate, fluffy enough for physical
comfort, and colored enough to feed your chi. (burgandy is best, espcially with little
pictures on it.) If your bed does not meet these standards, eat it, and make your parents
get you a new one.
Once the bed is placed to fit in the crate, bunch it up on one end, preferably the door
end, since for dogs, limiting negative chi at openings is key, and you want to protect
against scolding chi.
With the front fluffed up, "dig" a sleeping/nesting hole in the center. This
works well because your parents will think it's normal and cute. But don't sleep like
that, sleep either diagonally or sideways, it's more comfortable, and confuses others.
(that way "loose" negative chi is absorbed by your owners, and not by you.
Large Toy Placement
Larger solid toys should be placed in the BACK of the crate. If possible, partially
UNDER the bed. This protects the good chi your placed in the toys by chewing, and allows
the good chi to float up into the bed and then into you. (it's also more fun for digging
around later to get at them.)
Sqeaky Toy Placement
Squeaky toy placement MUST be placed where you will unexpectedly roll on them in the
middle of a nap. This creates INSTANT and UNEXPECTED "Fun Chi" the instant the
toy makes a noise.
Doll Placement
Doll placement changes. Dolls, depending upon size, should be arranged specially for
comfort and security, and within easy reach of your mouth, because chewing on them in the
middle of a nap alleviates "Nervous Chi".
Balls & Fetch Toy Placement
This is a tough one, since you can really make any toy a fetch toy. But here I'm referring
to plastic and rubber toys (especially plastic ones that make noise, like stolen bowls,
containers, etc.) Place the balls INSIDE the bowls and containers. This is good because it
REALLY confuses your owners, and also you, when you try to figure out how to get them out.
It also makes it fun when your parents try to find the fetch toys, and you get to help
them rummage around your crate looking for them.
Stolen Article Placement
This is critical. Stolen Articles like clothes, shoes, pillows, baskets, dishes,
newspapers, etc., .... these should be placed far back in the crate, and under as many
things as possible. But you have to be quick, since they probably saw you steal it and
will be coming for it. This is good, though, because the farther back it is in your crate
it is, the farther into the crate they will have to come to get it! And chances are,
you'll still be in there hiding it when they come for it. That way you can play with them
in your crate!
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