Laura's Story
Below is a very long diary of sorts of
my search for my birthfamily. I have
gone ahead and let it be long in the
hopes that other adoptees are helped
by being able to relate to someone
else. I am learning through this
experience just how complex my life
has been - and I didn't even know it.
It is amazing to me to see the social
and emotional impact of the secrecy
of adoption on my new found friends
and myself. I can't believe the struggles
we go through just trying to express
ourselves when society has no words
to describe the experience. Anyway,
when I have a chance, I will make this
page easier to navigate but until then
...happy reading.
12/98: I'm searching for my birthmother.
I was born 3/23/70 at Community Hospital
of Roanoke at 8:51 pm. I was adopted
through Catholic Family & Children's
Services of Roanoke in Roanoke, VA on
4/3/70.
I was adopted by Sidney Roderick Bland
and Leonardo Ann French Bland of Harrisonburg, VA.
I was given the name Laura French Bland.
My parents were always very open about
adoption - I don't even remember NOT
knowing that I was adopted. My parents
were always supportive of me searching
for my family. I remember my parents
always telling me that they would help
me in any way that they could if I ever
decided to search.
I periodically had urges to search for
my roots, but never thought curiosity
was enough reason for the state to
open my records. Several factors
contributed to my search this year:
The following is the non-identifying
information that was given to my parents
when I was adopted. Now that my search
is complete, I know that much of
the information is incorrect.:
My birthmother was 22 years old, a college graduate (English/Journalism degree), 5'2", 100 lbs, light brown hair, green eyes, Scotch/German descent, RH negative blood type.
There's a lot less information about my birthfather. The non-id says he was 6'2" tall, 210 lbs, blonde hair, brown eyes, college student, "American".
4/99: I sent all of my forms and $400 to what is now Commonwealth Catholic Charities in Roanoke.
5/99: I got a copy of my non-identifying information from Catholic Charities. Whew! What a surprise! The social worker called me to let me know that I have an older half-brother! Then, she followed up by sending me copies of my adoption file...tons of documents, but with identifying information blacked out. I even got copies of some of the hospital records! I received everything the day after Mother's Day (of all days!). I was certainly looking forward to an opportunity to gain insights into the choices my mother made. A lot of the information in my file was quite a surprise.
6/17/99: I found out that the Social Worker at Catholic Charities spoke to my mother! She was receptive. She even said she had wanted to search several times, but felt that it was better to let me initiate the search. I was excited at first and got teary and felt like it wasn't real. Gradually I got more and more withdrawn about it - I think I was in shock!
6/19/99: After a couple of days of processing, I couldn't sleep because the excitement was so overwhelming! Now my head is really spinning because I have so many questions! I was surprised that the physical description of her in my file was incorrect - how ridiculous!! Anyway, it was a big surprise to find out that I probably DO look like her. She has "reddish-blonde hair" (non-id said brown) and mine has been described as "strawberry blonde". She has brown eyes (non-id said green) and lots of freckles, and is 5'3". Sounds just like me...only I got an extra inch!
10/30/99: I am frustrated with the amount of time it is taking to do something that should have taken days if the CC SWs knew how to use resources out there. Now, because of the "system", I have been waiting 4 months to have contact with bmom who said in June that she wanted contact. I care VERY much about finding my brother, and am confident that he will be open to contact at least with me. I don't feel nearly as precarious about that search, which is probably why my focus in the previous was more on the contact with bmom... I'm ready to get that over with, learn the truth, and see where the "relationship" is going to go. I'm tired of wondering if she's told anyone, if she just wants to talk to me once, if she wants a friendship, if she will be warm or distant, etc. I feel like my life is going to have a major jolt and I'm sick and tired of waiting and wondering when CC and VA will let it happen. I feel like they're screwing with my head and heart in the most significant way possible (2nd only to when they did it to me as an infant, although I'm much more aware now).
11/4/99: The SW found my brother's address and phone number!!! She tried to call him today but got an answering machine and didn't want to leave a message. She is going to send a letter (or may have already sent it) and keep trying to call him. Dear God please let him be there the next time she calls!!!!
11/8/99:I have GREAT news!!! My SW took the phone number home and was able to reach my half-brother over the weekend!!! I taught her to use the internet and ONE WEEK later we've made such progress! Gawd what a wonderful tool. His reaction was not quite what I had hoped although seems to be positive. He was "calm" according to Judy. She also said that he was "very pleasant".
11/11/99: My brother called CC today and said that he doesn't want his identity revealed at this point. Glass half full: there is hope. He is open to exchanging letters - he wants to know why I am searching, why now, what I expect from him, etc. The only question he asked about me was whether I'm religious. Judy said she told him she had never directly asked me that but that I didn't seem particularly religious. He said "that's good". He doesn't seem to be married although Judy didn't ask directly. His name is William and he's a college professor; he's around 33 years old. I wrote him a letter tonight that I've emailed to Judy to send to him. Who knows.... Catholic Charities is going to report back to the state now so they can release the identifying info on Trudy.
11/29/99: I had my first conversation with my birthmother, Trudy, and it was amazing! We hit it off right away and it seemed we could have talked forever! I found out about the circumstances around my relinquishment, my birthfather's identity, and my heritage. I am descended from Robert the Bruce in Scotland, Sir Thomas Wyatt in England, and the inventor of the typewriter. I found out that Trudy's skin cracks just like mine! We giggled throughout the whole conversation. It was a dream come true!
12/1/99: Good grief are things ever moving FAST! I confirmed today that the man in ******* IS in fact my birthfather! I called the Alumni Association of the college he attended, and they confirmed it for me and told me when he graduated. I did some further hunting around the internet and found out that he went to high school right here in Alexandria!
12/3/99: Public opinion has convinced me to wait
until after Christmas to call my birthfather. I found
some great advice about making the
call on the About.com Adoption site.
I will use the time to prepare myself
for the call.
I'm still hoping for a letter back from my half-brother. Judy Finney is
going to call him on Monday to follow up with him.
12/23/99: The suspense is over! I got home from work about an hour ago to find a
framed picture of Trudy (my birthmother) wrapped up on my doorstep! Here
she is....
1/8/00: I am still in shock with myself that I actually found the cohones to call my birthfather this morning. What a whacky mixed-up set of emotions I am feeling right now!! He was SO nice! He was receptive and pleasant and was asking me about myself. I could tell he was smiling and sort of laughing some of the time (thank God because I was a nervous gigglebox!). I was so prepared for the conversation to go badly that I couldn't think of the questions that I have wanted to ask him. I did find out that he has been married for 24 years, but they have never had children (medical reasons). When we got off the phone I told him that I was leaving things in his court (gave him my name and phone number before I told him anything) since he probably needed some time to absorb it all. He said that he appreciated my thoughfulness but that wasn't really necessary!
1/10/00: Today, the social worker at Catholic Charities called to let me know she had just received a letter from my half-brother, William, stating that he authorizes the release of his identifying information to me! I had given up hope and written him a letter this weekend giving him all the information I had gotten on our/his heritage in case he ever wanted it. I had to run to get it out of the outgoing mailbox at work! So, now I just have to wait for the State of VA's Social Services Department to approve it all and they'll call me back with the information. What a ridiculous mess of bureaucracy, but I'll take it right now. I am counting my blessings.I just couldn't be happier.
1/12/00: The State of Virginia approved the
release of my brothers identity to me! That night I composed my first
email to my brother. I also searched around the internet and found a picture of him! Here he is...
1/13/00: What a BIG day for me! I received an email back from my brother, William! I was sitting on top of the world. Within 2 hours of receiving his email, my birthfather and his wife called me! They want to meet me and Allen! God Bless America I think I'm just going to explode from all this stuff happening at once. And of all nights for Allen to be at an office happy hour. I feel like a trapped animal!
1/14/99: Trudy sent out a belated "birth announcement" to all of her friends! What a special feeling! I will tell the world now that I am thrilled to have her in my life, and look forward to making her a Grandma sometime soon.
Now, time will tell how everything works out. I am one extremely fortunate person to have had such a successful search, and especially to find such wonderful people. I am looking forward to developing these relationships and strengthening the ones I already had. For the second time on this website, I would like to send a special Thank You to my Dad, Sidney Bland, for letting me be selfish. He has listened to me share my story and has never once made me feel that I was pulled between 2 worlds. To those of you who haven't experienced adoption, we do have room everyone in our hearts.
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